Friendly Competition

As you may know about me, I love me some wordplay. And I love to muse and ponder about colloquial phrases that we use, often without thinking about what we are really saying, meaning, or avoiding. 

Yesterday, I took a break from activity and watched TV yesterday for the first time in a long time. I was surprised at how the "friendly competition" idea seemed to be everywhere (conflict is the stuff of good plots after all!) and I didn't experience any of it as friendly. (and no, i wasn't watching reality shows!). Whether spoken or unspoken, competition seemed to be part of the War model - where there is a winner and a loser. And once we put competition in motion, there is going to be a winner and a loser. And who likes to lose? What does it mean to be a "good loser?" 

I've heard that a little competition is "good for us" in that it helps us better ourselves. It helps us go further, faster, than we normally would. This in an of itself poses some interesting questions: Why do we need something else to "push" us? Why is it about the external motivator? Is it because at some level we don't believe in ourselves? Is it because at some level we are constantly comparing ourselves to those around us and measuring our selves, our successes, our failures in relationship to our externals?

So this "friendly competition" - is it really friendly? When we look at  how many likes we get on Facebook, or how many comments or reactions we get on whatever other social media outlet we use, when does it feel friendly? And if I'm "friends" with all these people, why wouldn't I just "Like" (or love or react), in other words acknowledge, every single comment or photo?

What I started thinking about was how we defend this model of competition, making it OK, and even desirable. We justify our need to see things as greater than or less than by smiling and saying things like - "a little friendly competition is good for you." Why not just say "competition is good for you"? Why not just call it "competition?" If we do it in a "friendly" way, it's OK? And is it? There is still a winner and a loser. And if we are ok with winners/losers and survival of the fittest, than no problem! Let's just admit that we love a good fight and we are OK with someone else going down as we rise up! What I question is the label of "friendly" which tells me there are some "good" and "bad" competitions. Are we sugar coating something to make the medicine go down a bit easier? To "elevate" our animal/survival instincts? Isn't competition just the act of competing? 

The definition of compete is to "strive to gain or win something by defeating or establishing superiority over others who are trying to do the same." And what is friendly about that?

You Are More

You are More than you know. Know that more.

Rain Brings Reminders

When it rains, I am reminded of these things:

Stay  hydrated
Be fluid
Be aware of the presence of tears and let them flow
There are Masters present
Slow down
Slow down so you can see/hear/express more clearly
Things may be surprisingly slippery so pay attention
Wet things dry
There is light in the rain
There is power in water
It's a miracle
Nourish yourself
Stay hydrated

Party time!

Yes! A "going away" party! (reward at the end of this blog!)

What does that mean? Well, the obvious of course. John and I are giving up our "permanent" residence in SF, and will become "permanent" somewhere else.

But for me, the real "going away" is really a "moving towards." An appreciation of the waves of life, and a willingness to acknowledge and act with the timing of those waves without resistance. 

As you know, we talk about yoga as energy management. Thank you Rod Stryker for that brilliant way of putting it! And "going away" is more about re-evaluating how I'm spending my energy. How much here, how much there, and how those "investments" of my energy (conscious, unconscious, or "life/shit/more happens" are working out. And the "moving towards" is taking steps towards different outcomes (#doingitdifferentlyin2018 #gethonestfaster)

And I have nothing in my life to complain about. Seriously. So I'm not escaping anything, or giving anything up. In tantra, we talk about "adhikara," or "next steps." More like "the most appropriate/best next steps." And that's what this is. Adhikara. 

So let's celebrate together! Celebrate all the "going aways" we've ever done and continue to do! All the moving towards that come from going aways! And all in the quest to move closer and closer into Present Moment, which is actually one of the stars in this whole show. 

And in "going away," well, I'm only changing mailing addresses. Our connection isn't going away. My commitment to teaching and my willingness to serve the Wholeness isn't going away. I'm moving towards a different way of doing it. And we've trained some amazing local teachers, so step into their amazing-ness! And in our amazing age of technology, we can "see" each other anytime! It looks like we have figured out a way to teleport after all! ;-)  

So here is the info on the Party! 
6:30 -- doors open
8pm -- The Mazzei's play some music for 1/2 hour
10-11 -- Pack it out

How to get there: 1094 Revere @ Griffith, Room A34. It's a warehouse. Come in the side door on Griffith. Come up the stairs. The studio is about 1/3 down the hall on the right. Look for clues. 

This is your "reward!" The evite! Check it out for details!

http://evite.me/S9KkMw5Cqb
But the biggest reward is the love and support we have for each other. And THAT is something to party about!

You can't mess this up

You can't mess this up. This life is already messy. The mess is part of it. And if you think our individual lives are messy, consider how messy the Wholeness is, with all those individual lives roaming about!  Maybe part of the pain of the mess, is that we actually think that things should be neat and orderly. And perhaps the mess is orderly, depending on how "mess" and "order" are defined. Accept that we can't control the mess of the world. We can only control the mess we make. And sometimes it seems we can't even control that!

So, accept and enjoy the puzzles, the challenges, the mess. And when you make a mess, clean it up. Cuz that's one way we grow. 

Favorable Circumstances

Not that it's about favors, but one way to look at it is:

When you receive, you do the giver a favor.
When you give, you do the receiver a favor.

This exchange makes for favorable circumstances if we let go and play our part of the exchange without conditions or apology.

Age of Reason: Part 3 - Being Reasonable About It

Exploring reason (which is starting to sound like raison, which is close to French for reason, which is making me kind of hungry, even though I just ate. Not very reasonable.)

What does reason get us?

Being "reasonable."

"If we can only reason with them."

"There must be a reason."

"Everything happens for a reason."

In our vernacular, it seems like we put a lot of energy into trying to make sense out of things. And justify choices with Reason. And for good reason? Maybe, depending on the circumstances.

But what if reason doesn't seem to be working? Or what if reason is no longer enough/satisfying? What if you glimpse something that defies reason, and yet you Know it is true?

At some point, as we move into realms that transcend the dimension of duality,  we need to surrender our need to know why and the need to make sense out of things. This also pulls out our need to make cents out of things. We need to surrender our need to "reason" as our first response. As we surrender our need to reason, we begin to trust our intuitive faculties more, and the connection to the divine becomes more "reasonable."

Age of Reason: Part 2 - The Need to Know Basis

Many of us seem to operate on a "need to know basis." This can show up in a various ways:

1) "I NEED you to know what I'm talking about."  "I Need you to know what I'm thinking about."  Really? What if they don't know? Will something extreme and irreversible happen? What will happen to me if you don't know what I need you to know? Do I need you to know so I don't have to deal with some person, place, or thing?

2) "I'll tell you when you I think you need to know." As if it's up to me to decide when someone needs to know something. As if I'm the orchestrator of the Universe and I'm the one handing out Knowledge Cards. I'm not saying that we should be sharing everything we know in every moment. And yes, as a teacher, we structure classes according to "adhikara" which can be translated as "need to know" and we create a learning arc so the info can be more easily digested. Am I structuring, or am I just withholding?

3) And then there is the part of us that just "needs to know" because we feel incomplete or inadequate without the book learning part, the logic part, the tangible and linear part. And do we "need to know" because we are collecting evidence to prove something right or wrong in the future? Or do we "need to know" because we are afraid there is a pop quiz coming?

more food for thought in case you get hungry...

Boundaries

Boundaries. Are they just another "Wall?"
Are they for keeping things out?
Some people get resistant to the idea of setting boundaries for fear that they will be "closing themselves off" or "cutting themselves off" or "losing connection." And in some cases, that is true. And sometimes necessary. And like most things in this dual existence that we lead, there are 2 sides (at least!) to this story of boundaries.

Have we considered boundaries as a way to keep things in? Like your energy. Your sense of Self.

Perhaps if we think of boundaries as a way to honor, cultivate, or establish a container that holds our essence, we can see that instead of keeping us from connection, they can help us understand who we really are as we stop unconsciously leaking our energy/our sense of Self. As we strengthen our self awareness, we gain the capacity to see a bigger picture and make decisions that are clear-based instead of fear-based.

Healthy boundaries can help us differentiate what is "ours" and what is "theirs" and in examining the parts, we can have a greater understanding of the Whole.

So today, think about what it is you really want, and then see what kind of boundaries you are using. And if they aren't really doing what you want them to do, it may be time for a re-model.

Age of Reason: Part 1

The Age of Reason.

According to childhood development, we start to develop our "age of reason" between 5-7 years old. So I guess that 5-7 is our age of reason. Are we still reasoning from that age?

LIfe/More/Sh*t Happens

Just because I don't like what is happening, doesn't mean I can change what is happening. When life happens, when more happens, when shit happens, it happens. Life/More/Shit Happens as mysteriously as when LIfe/More?Shit doesn't. And sometimes, when it rains, it pours. Or the opposite - drought. And sometimes it seems as if there is no middle ground.

So LMS happens, and where am I in relationship to the Happen-ings?  Tires get flat, dogs get sick, items get forgotten, jobs get booked, jobs don't get booked, they love me, they love me not - all that happens. What can I change? Not much.
Except...

1) I can change my relationship to what's going on.  I can let it bother me, or I can find a way to not let it bother me. Often a perspective shift will do the trick. Sometimes finding a root belief structure and understanding how it's played in to our relationship with LMS works well, because it helps bring us back into present moment.

2) I can change my actions/reactions. If I don't like what's going on, and my pattern is to sit on it, pretend it  doesn't bother me, hope it goes away, and that doesn't work because I start to fall into self-destructive or self-numbing behavior patterns, which might involve closing down to love and present moment, then it may be time to #dosomethingdifferently. Maybe its time to speak up, or take an action. If you don't know what to say, at least you've entertained the idea, and have asked the question, "what do I want to say right now?" "what outcome am I seeking, and even though I may not get it, what do I need to say or do to make sure I've heard my Self?"

So we are back to the "Big 2" for 2018
#gethonestfaster
#doingitdifferentlyin2018

And let it pour!

OMG

Interesting that the "Moving" blog post had more hits than any other blog post to date. YAY! That means we are really MOVING! Moving on from past constructs. Moving more into Present Moment. Realizing that something inside needs/wants/is ready to move.

I've been one who has researched, lived, and experienced "moving for movement's sake." The emails, texts, and phone calls I've been receiving since the "Moving" blog have not been from out of balance vata, or from people who are seeking escape. The feedback I'm getting is that this idea of "moving" has been bubbling underneath and now has a format or "permission" to express itself, even if it's just the form of a question, or the nod of acknowledgment, or a breath of consideration.

Wow.

Again, I am impressed and this time a smidge awed at the workings of that which we cannot name. Keep those impressions coming! More to come on this "moving" topic! Perhaps a more in depth workshop or webinar that will specifically address the questions, queries, and considerations that come from YOU! (which is me but outside of myself. and it's never outside of myself!)

Thank You.
So Much.

There is clearly something more that is happening.

So keep on keepin on, as we do every.single.day.  And.night. If we can remember the sleep state.

And RELAX! Relax. relax. re.lax. r. x.
xo

Moving

Yes. We are moving. As is everyone. In our case we are moving to another state. I'd like to say, "as is everyone," and sometimes I think it's true. And other times I think inertia plays a factor and we get stuck in a holding pattern, not because we love it, but because it is there.

We are moving to another state. And from a consciousness point of view, that is also true.

A result of #gethonestfaster and #doingitdifferentlyin2018

So start packing so we can start unpacking.

Let the games begin.

Oh yes, they've already started. What I want to know is, did I miss the half time show?

Big Impact and the Boomerang Effect

A lot of people I talk with say that one of their goals is to "create impact." And yet, we all create impact, consciously or unconsciously.

No matter how big or how small your perceived thought or action, you create impact. Thus, you are creative. You create daily. And your creations are impactful. Each thought, word, or action goes out into space until it hits the edge of infinity, and then comes back to us. That's one way how things that "go around," "come around." That's another way that our intentions turn to physical manifestations. That's another way we learn. And that's a way we have impact. Like it or not. The question is, what impact do you want to have? 

President's Day

Your body/mind is a country and all your cells, organs, etc... are the citizens of your country. Are you a good President to your country? What states do you pay attention to? Where do you allocate your resources? Are there parts of you that go unnoticed and unappreciated?

How can you be a better President to the country of You? 

Connection

We are all connected. Whether we like it or not.

An Existential Dilemma Involving Phones and Trees, but Not a Phone Tree

Sometimes I use my phone to capture creative moments.

And sometimes I don't.

Am I tired of using my phone to capture creative moments, or am I just tired of capturing creative moments that no one but me will hear?

Am I the witness to my own tree falling in the forest, or am I my own forest full of falling trees?

Good thing someone out there knows the value of trees.

Will my forest survive the clear cut of time and space?

Or does it even matter?

And if my phone dies, what happens to me?

And if I'm thinking like this

Maybe it's time to go back to paper and pencil

Just saying...

I Did It Differently

True confessions, and for some, maybe TMI about me. I am one of those people who buys a new item of clothing and then lets it hang in my closet for quite sometime before wearing it because I'm so excited about it's "newness." Possible fear-based decision making involved. Fear of spoiling it. Fear of getting a spot on it. Cue the childhood memories...  "Don't get your dress dirty!" "Don't ruin it!" "Save it for later." What was I saving those clothes for? A time when I would go to my closet, butt naked, open it up and have no clothes??? As if I was going to run out of them. And I never had a growth spurt, so outgrowing them overnight wasn't a reality for me. Just a dream. In spite of it all, I would shop and the brand new clothes hung in my closet to "cure" or "season" or "age" just enough for me to at some point put them on and wear them.

I did it differently yesterday. I went to the mall and bought a new top and wore it out to dinner. And came home with 3 food spots on it.

And I lived to tell about it.

Bam!

Day of Love

Valentine's Day. A day of love.

Are you waiting for someone to give you that "special something?" That "perfect evening?" The best sex of your life? The list goes on...

#whatareyouwaitingfor

And if you are waiting for someone to give you that perfect day/evening/gift/experience, wait no longer! You know what it is that you want! Give it to yourself! You say it won't mean as much coming from you? Hmmmm.... Is your love worth less than the love that comes from outside of yourself? Is it "No Fun" because you already know what you want? So then perhaps it's not about the gift at all, but about someone slaying the dragon, figuring out the puzzle, loving you enough to "get it right" and be able to guess what's in your brain. If your dream involves someone else to "share" with, when was that last time you "shared" an experience with yourself? I mean, really shared?  Really.

I know it's Valentine's Day, and everyone is trying to sell you something. And I have to share something close to my heart, because if this holiday is less than stellar for you for ANY reason, then you need the LOVE LAB. Just do it. Come and learn how to really love yourself, and nourish, grow, and develop a loving and lasting relationship with your most intimate partner - YOU.

Just sayin...

Love is all there is. Why not love the one you're with?

Click here if you are ready for the relationship of your Life.

This could be the #doingitdifferentlyin2018 that you've been waiting for.

https://tri.ps/negBh

Time for Chemistry?

So I know you think this could be a pre-Valentine blog post, because of the Chemistry thing. Keep your pants on. That may come later. No puns intended, but I'll take them.

The questions I am posing are:

What would it be like if you felt in your body and believed that you really do have all of eternity to "get it all done?' How would that change the chemistry of your body? The chemistry of your mind?

Assignment: Imagine that you have all of eternity and see if or how it changes your chemistry, perception, attitude, mood, physical well being, flexibility, stress level. 

Get back to me with your findings.

Carry on...

Is Life just one long to do list?

Sometimes does it feel like life is just one long to do list?

Well, if you think about it, it kind of is. Because that's what we are doing. We are doing the being on earth thing and that means we do stuff. And more stuff. And even more stuff.

So as we "clean out the back closet" (number 36 on my to do list), let's clean out the closet of our "to dos!" Ask - what do you want to do? - put a star by those. What do you need to do? - put an exclamation mark by those. What aren't you willing to do? - Delete those. 

Voila!

Carry on. 

The whole package

Trust in the Trusting

Hold tight. Be patient. Just let go.

How do we "let go" when we are trying to "hold on?" Interesting thought.

Trust. That's how. We hold on to trust. Shradda in Sanskrit is faith. The Faith in whatever keeps us going. Trust that. And if you can't trust that, it's time to up your game and find something else.

FOMO?

FOMO.
Fear Of Missing Out.
What are we really afraid of?
What are we really afraid of "missing out" of?

Just wondering...

Did'ya Miss Me?

(Warning: Liberal use of " 'quotation' marks" zone ahead)

Did'ya miss me? Well, I missed you! And I missed a blog day! "The day got away from me." Actually I was so IN my day yesterday, present from thing to thing, and when I had the thought to sit down and blog, my excuse (whether accurate or perceived) was "I don't have enough time" followed by "I'll get to it later" not considering that my "day" of work went from 9am-9pm. What was I thinking - I'll get to it later?" When? How late? At 9:30 pm? Yeah, right! That was me setting up an unrealistic expectation. A way to succeed at Failing. A way to make sure that I had fodder to come down on myself for something, lest things feel too good.

What an excellent teaching/awareness moment for myself and my Self! So here I am, the next day, skipped a blog, and I lived to tell about it!

This morning I said to my husband, "Honey I didn't blog yesterday. So much for the 365 thing." He said, "How long are you in it for?" I answered, "About 40 days." And he said, "you can always start over." And I said, "I'm not going to do that."  (#gethonestfaster) So I skipped a day. And here we are, with the "day after" blog. And truth be told, as I've gotten into this project I created for myself, I've been kinda iffy about it, because I'm not sure I have much else to say about stuff that I used to be so Gung Ho about sharing. Now I'm more of the "if you are around me and some cool stuff happens to come out and we both happen to be there for the insights - yay and BONUS!" and less about gathering up all these cool teachings and insights, organizing them, and putting them out there.

I've done a lot of "disciplines" in my life, and completed them, day after day, without skipping. This skip, had I not had a bunch "completions" under my belt, might "require" the "start over." But not today. I'm not starting over, because I have a through line, and I trust myself and 1) know that I'm not failing myself or anyone else because I didn't blog yesterday, 2) I know why I created this project for myself, and know that skipping of a day will not adversely impact that, 3) I know that I have the chops and capacity to do a practice without fudging the "rules" and without skipping a day, and 4) I see what a cool gift this is/was to talk about that big, shame-filled suitcase we may carry around that deals with our relationship to FAILURE (caps intended for emphasis). Whether you have a "failure" thing or not, we all have a relationship to the idea or perception around failure.

And this just got that ball rolling.

Future blogs may include:
1) my relationship to blogging: why i like it, why i don't, why i'm doing it, why its useful, why it might not be, why i'm iffy about sharing in a blog
2) commitment to extended practices
3) present moment
4) how to lighten up on yourself without failing yourself
5) how to lighten up on yourself without letting your saboteurs/habits/inertia run the show
6) how doing something I've done before is #doingitdifferentlyin2018
7) how i set myself up for "failure" and how I could have avoided it #gethonestfaster #doingitdifferently #doingitdifferentlyin2018
8) "appropriate" use of quotation marks
9) legal limit/ratio of quotation marks:text in a single document
10) when to put your whole document in quotes
11) How to live a quotation marked life

And thats just the beginning. Of the present moment.
#notanepicfail #notevenaregularfailure  

Shoulda Woulda Coulda Test

Imagine today that you aren't the one moving. Imagine that the restaurant you wanted to eat at for the last 18 months is moving far enough that you'll really have to make an effort to go there. How much in the way of "dang it! i shoulda gone while I had the chance!" comes up for you?

Or a friend that you hardly ever see, but you take for granted and assume that you will be able to see them "some other time" is now going to move across the country? How does that affect you? Maybe it's freeing because you discover they weren't as important to you as you thought. Or maybe the opposite.

Or that class you wanted to take? Or that exhibit you wanted to see? Or that trip to the Headlands?

As life presents opportunity after opportunity (and the more abundant we realize ourselves to be, the more opportunities we see!), what choices are we making? Are we making choices from fear or lack that "maybe I'll never get another chance to [fill in the blank with that "new exotic thing" that you haven't heard of  or considered, or something else]" and we forget about all the "little blanks" that have been right in front of our noses, here for the asking/taking/experiencing, as we assume that we will always be able to go see them/learn from them/experience them because they are in close proximity?

When making choices, don't assume that everything will be around forever, and that some things that are right under our noses, could be the new/exotic/supportive, choice for us. IE - taking a job down the street. Walking across the Golden Gate bridge. Going to the MOMA. 

I know that I am a person who has fallen into this assumption that something/someone/some place will always be there and I'll get to it - WHEN I HAVE TIME. Well, it looks like an opportunity may have passed me by and I didn't act on, in spite of my Self telling my self to pick up the phone and make the appointment for the last 5 years! It may not be too late. The question is, will I throw in the towel, or will I use what time I have left before this person/place/thing is no longer in my "local commute" reality?

Whatever I decide will tell me a lot. It will tell me what is driving the bus.  It will tell me whether I feel worthy enough. It will tell me whether or not I'm ready for answers to my questions even though the answers may not be what I want to hear. It will tell me what people/places/things I deem as "important" (and some are very important! others - well...) and where this choice to act or not act falls on that scale. 

Will it be another case of the Shoulda Woulda Coulda where I'm left with "And I Didn't." And with the question, "Why didn't I?" 

That is the question. Why didn't I? It's a worthy question when seeking real answers and insights as it can take you deeper into the mystery of Self. Who/what is driving that bus? Is that the person or thing I want driving my bus? And is the bus going where I want it to go? Which takes us back to who's driving.

Identity Test

Imagine that you were required to move at the drop of a hat. You have 1 month to pack up and move to a completely different environment and no one will know you. The reason for the move is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't matter if you want it or you don't. The point of the exercise is to examine who we think we are, and how maintaining that construct can take up energy that we could use elsewhere.

Who will you be when you get there? How will you introduce yourself? What will you do? Are there things that you count on for your "identity"? What habits define you?  Do you count on your identity as a means of potential income? What if you didn't have that identity? Would you starve?

What would it feel like if you didn't care what people knew about you? Can you imagine feeling a freedom in a totally clean slate?

*"things" means "people, places, and things

#doingitdifferently
#gethonestfaster

Attachment Test

Imagine that you could move anywhere you want. You have 1 month to pack up and make the change.

What are you afraid of losing? What are you afraid you won't have anymore? Are those things worth sticking around for? What's keeping you here?

#doingitdifferently
#gethonestfaster

Appreciation Test

Imagine that you were required to move at the drop of a hat. You have 1 month to pack up and move to a completely different environment. The reason for the move is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't matter if you want it or you don't. The point of the exercise is to put yourself in the frame of mind and look around your "right here right now" life.

What things* would you miss? What things have you put off? What things have you overlooked? What things have you taken for granted?

Pay attention and let that information inform your choices. Visit and appreciate those things.

*"things" means "people, places, and things

#doingitdifferently
#gethonestfaster

Groundhog Day

So I sang "I Got You Babe" to my shadow.
We have each other. Seeing my shadow is not scary and does not drive me back into my hole.
And I am not the shadow of my former self. My shadow might be my former self, or a reflection of that. I am all that my shadow is, and also all that is not my shadow.

And where there is light, there is my shadow, so when I see may shadow, I know that I am standing in the light. When I can't see my shadow, I am in the dark. I can't see my Whole Self.

#gethonestfaster

I am Shadow. I am Light. And I am all that is in Between.

And maybe that is #doingitdifferentlyin2018 #willingtosee

Box of Chocolates

Yes. Definitely referencing Forrest Gump here. The old "life is a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get."

Well, I"m pretty familiar with most boxes of chocolates at this point, but there is still mystery, especially with brands I'm not as familiar with. Again, like life.

Life is the ultimate infinite brand that keeps repackaging and reinventing itself, because as many of us have experienced, just when we think things are going one way, they go another. And this turn of events can either be plus or minus, depending on perception.

And if we look further, we know that anything can happen at anytime, outside of planning, outside of logic, outside of experience.

So, "Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you are going to get." Today could be the day that everything changes for you.

Today could be the day.

And good thing I like chocolate. That way if I'm biting into something I've had before, and it's another day of the same ol' same ol',  I still like what I'm eating. 

Abundant and Super Bloody Blue

Morning Blood Moon
Super Moon
Blue Moon
Super Bloody,
Super
And Blue
and then I get to see the Fullness of Her tonight as well.

Pretty spectacular.

There is just something magical about having a day book-ended with a Moon Glow.

Another example of the Universe demonstrating it's abundance.

Doing it differently might look like seeing abundance more often throughout the day. What is being offered? What Is, instead of What Could Be. What Is is abundant. What Could Be might move closer towards scarcity.

Just sayin...

To Change or Not to Change

When we can't NOT change, is when we finally change. 

Doing It Differently - or am I?

An indicator that I'm not #doingitdifferentlyin2018 is when I feel really unmotivated, uninspired, or general fatigue/bad attitude/stress around doing the same old same old. Ironically, I can feel similar sensations around doing something differently. Then the "work" or the "experiment" becomes observing how these sensations/emotions/reactions are similar and how they are different. After I've compiled and analyzed my findings, I can better see if I'm actually #doingindifferentlyin2018 or if I'm just uncomfortable with the New.

And sometimes maybe it's just as simple as a new paint job (referencing last 2 fire hydrant blogs). It could be actual paint, or it could be some other seemingly simple external modification or change. And that might be just the ticket! At the very least, it could provide some much needed inspiration or space to a bigger shift. 

If Orange is the New Black...

Then is this black????

just askin...

And when do all the colors become "the new" of other colors? 

When do the Plain Bellied Sneeches and Star Bellied Sneeches lose track of the plain-bellied or star-bellied and they just become Sneeches? It happens in Dr. Suess. And sometimes things in books come true. 

just sayin...

The New Red?

Could it be the new red? Doing it differently in 2018.

Just sayin...

Gone Rogue

Yes. I've gone Rogue for the weekend. I've left beloved California behind and am enjoying some rainy R and R in the Rogue Valley. Fireplace included. Put that in your blog and smoke it.

Well, I guess you can do that here as well... 😜  But I'll just enjoy the juxtaposition of fire and rain and call it a night. 

No is the New Yes

Warning: If you are a person who already says NO all the time, then this may not apply. 

No is the the new Yes. Or at least it can be.

If you are a person who habitually says "yes" to others, and you find yourself tired, worn out, and depleted on a regular basis, then for you, "No" is your new "yes."

When you say No to someone asking you to do something, join something, head something, organize something, you are saying YES to yourself. Yes, to considering whether or not it's something you really want to do. Yes to doing it differently. Yes to discovering more of what feeds you, and that NO (which is your new Yes),  can give you more energy to say yes to others so you don't deplete yourself.

Remember that when you are saying YES to something, you are saying NO to something else. So when you say NO to something, you are saying YES to something else. And once you make a decision, you can always change your mind...

Breathe

Watch the waves of your life as Fullness comes and goes. Opportunities come and go. Good times come and go. Bad times come and go.

It's all Breath. So as you acknowledge your life, acknowledge whether it is inhaling or exhaling and delight in the fact that we need both in order to keep living.

To Bitch or to Moan?

Once again I awaken to a day where I have nothing to complain about. And agin, I could always find something, and I'm glad in this moment I'm choosing not to.

To Post or Not to Post

Day is almost done. And here I am posting. What I've been noticing is how little I have to say these days. So do I post because I said I would, because it's a "practice," a "discipline?"

yes. i post anyway. and let go of needing to be brilliant. Because the practice is what is brilliant.

The Truth in Sh*t

Awareness in a nutshell -

Once you know it's totally uncool to poop your pants, you can't go back to pooping them.

#gethonestfaster

Is It Juicy and Sustainable?

The juiciness and richness that comes from tasting your food. From tasting your practice. For becoming a connoisseur of yoga. Moving from yoga fast food to yoga fine dining. I can really get behind being that kind of chef. “Serving up yoga, one breath at a time.”

When I first started doing yoga (decades ago), it wasn’t about how many poses I could cram into an hour long session. It was about how many breaths I could remain still in a posture. I remember getting all excited when it was something like “I held Trikonasana for 10 breaths 6 counts in, 6 counts out.”

The numbers may not be exact, but you get the idea. It was about how long I could sustain inhale and exhale, and then how long I could sustain that pattern in an asana. I guess I was all about a sustainable practice! And if you think about it, isn’t part of the essence of yoga having a sustainable practice?

Back in the olden days, the really olden days, say 10,000 or so years ago, it was about how long you could stay alive in order to be able to keep doing your yoga practice to give you more time to get enlightened.  Now it seems like the life of a yogi is as long as they can sustain a rigorous practice until the body starts to break down. Reminds me of my dancer days. Dancers have a limited professional lifespan. At some point the body says, “I’m not into playing this way anymore.” There are exceptions – Martha Graham and Merce Cunningham were performing well into their 60s, 70s. And quite frankly, it showed. I had the honor of seeing Merce perform at that age, and it looked like he was in pain. Same with Martha.

Are we approaching our yoga practice as something that we can sustain over the long haul? I’m not saying not to do extreme postures. I’m saying that it’s how you do them. Dharma Mittra does the most wack poses, and he’s 70! But his attitude is humbling. He surrenders each pose he does “for the Lord.” I’m not talking Jesus Christ here, but for the Lord of Life. (Lord is a loaded word, but I wanted to quote him exactly). You can fill in your picture of “Lord” with whatever you want. Whatever you revere. Whatever it is that gave you your essence,  your life as your essential You.  He surrenders everything he does. Patanjali would call it “offering up the fruits of your practice.”

How many of us are offering up the fruits of our practice to something other than a flat abdomen, really cut arms, or the ability to do poses that no one else can do, all of which sets us apart from the pack, making us essentially “greater than,” “more desirable,” or from a teacher’s point of view, “more popular” which translates as “I’m a really good yoga teacher. “

I also fell into that trap. For a while. And I enjoyed it. It only became a trap when I kept on insisting that I practice that way, when every fiber of my being was begging me to stop and re-connect with what yoga really meant to me. To reconnect with why I did it in the first place. And that reason was all about laghavam – lightness. I wanted to feel light, be light, turn to light. I was no longer feeling light. I was feeling hurt, tight, competitive, and easily excitable. I was not able to sustain that kind of practice.

Then I took a class from Rod Stryker at a Yoga Journal conference about 12ish years ago. The theme was sthirah and sukha. (YS 2:46 Sthirah sukham asanam). I remembered my roots. I remembered my stillness. I remembered the beauty of the long, steady hold. I remembered what the heck I was doing there in the first place!

That practice changed my practice. Forever. I remembered. 

So, in order to sustain our practice, we must find something there that is lasting, rewarding, that doesn’t fade with age. It’s not about the poses. It’s not about restorative vs power yoga. It’s about finding what is the real juice, the real flavor of the practice that sustains us. It’s about finding that which can provide us with nutrients in a way that inspires us to be able to bite into life and let the juiciness of it all run down our face. To delight in each bite, whether bitter or sweet.

Thank you all who have taught me, and those who continue to teach me, and remind me to sit down when I’m eating, and to chew my food slowly enough to taste and digest it. 

Is less really more?

If less is more, then would more be less?

The Accountability Challenge

The question of "accountability" came up in our Transformational Tuesday sangha a couple of days ago. The discussion was around #doingitdifferentlyin2018, the process of discerning what it is we want, and then what it is we really want. A very Sri being brought up the topic of internal accountability and the question of being accountable to one's Self. In my bombastic way, I proceeded to say that I am essentially not into the word "accountability." Thank God, someone else clarified and said, "you don't mean that people shouldn't be accountable for their actions, for example, drunk drivers," and I said, yes, I'm not talking about "accountability" in that way. I'm talking about accountability to our Selves. The concept of accountability to our internal dynamic, our internal choices and decisions, and how we may use "accountability" as a way to keep beating ourselves up for the choices we make or don't make.

I loved the discussion and kept having it inside of myself yesterday. Perhaps I can be clearer when I talk about this "internal accountability."

On Tuesday, I went on my rampage about how I don't like how we can use this buzz word, accountability, as another excuse to beat ourselves up, and for us to keep using a reward and punishment system on ourselves. My intention around the rampage was to open the door to find a new way to motivate and inspire ourselves that is based less on reward/punishment, and more on unconditional love, being really honest with ourselves, and using each decision we make as a way to really learn and understand ourselves more clearly. I went on to talk about things like "30 day meditation challenges" and how these external accountability campaigns might be a quick fix, but might not result in lasting change. And the things we really, REALLY want - well, I'm pretty sure we are looking for lasting change.

After class, I went on to think about those 30 day meditation challenges, running programs, diet programs, addiction programs, etc... and how they offer an important service - community, support, and accountability - as we practice the change we seek.  These external accountability programs can be used as a technique to help us get into a new habit. In Sanskrit, we use the word "alambana" which can mean "support, foundation, sustaining." So I say YES to the external accountability offerings out there! Yes to support! Yes to community!

But wait! There's more! It doesn't stop there. It doesn't stop at the end of 30 days (or whatever the challenge time frame was). The accountability I was talking about that caused me to go off on all this in the first place, was that perhaps we have gotten so focussed and used to the external challenge offerings that hit the inbox of our senses on a daily basis, that we might have lost sight of the place of deep and lasting change, which comes from within.

So the question I pose is, after the challenge is done, do you still have resistance to that which you challenged yourself to do? (now we are talking about internal "accountability") Ask yourself,  do I need another 30 day challenge to help me? And do I really REALLY want this? And why do I want it? Is the reason enough to inspire and motivate me? Or maybe we #gethonestfaster and discover that maybe we don't really want it badly enough right now, and that there is something else more worthy of our time and attention. And give ourselves permission to change our minds, (as we do moment to moment anyway!) and stop beating ourselves up for not doing something we think we "should" really want, or we "should" do, and have the courage to explore what it is we really REALLY want.

So the accountability challenge is one of developing a deeper relationship with your Self and understanding who and what is really driving the bus in there. And do whatever it takes to get your own ball rolling in a new direction.

Just Another Pretty Face ... book?

Is Facebook just another pretty face?

Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc... Social media. Fake news? Or the real deal? Can we really tell?  And what makes social media so different from face-to-face interaction with another human body?

Well, for one thing, I don't have to directly interact with another human in the room. I don't have to/get to see the non-verbal cues the person is giving me. I don't have to/get to see body language, hear actual tone from the voice, see what's behind the eyes. I also don't have to/get to see them emotionally check out, walk away, roll their eyes or make a face. I can be anybody. Everybody can be anybody.

Is Facebook just an air-brushed version of ourselves? 

When we see OPP (other people's posts), what are we really seeing? Whatever the person chooses to present. Whatever the person wants you to see. What we can forget, is that its not the whole picture. 

One of the tendencies many of us have, is to compare the parts of ourselves we don't want others to see (reference "From Shame to Shaman" discussion) with what we are being shown. The 2 may not match up. This is what wise woman Paula Heegaard called "comparing insides to outsides." How can our insides possibly match up to the glorious outsides of that airbrushed life we see on social media channels?

Some use Facebook as free therapy. Emotional blast here, emotional blast there, here a blast, there a blast, everywhere a blast blast...  Some post the pretty. Some post links of their personal interest. Some try to educate others. It's also a marketing tool. And more. 

What I think is important here, is to not base your personal worth on what you see on social media, and remember, what you see isn't the whole picture. It's a person's choice for that moment in time. How much does that person's choice affect you? Does it inspire you? Push your buttons? Make you think? Send you into a dark hole of self-loathing? Change your life? 

This "pretty Face"book world may be convenient. We interact when and if we want to. We can wear our heart on our sleeve. We can shout to the world what a great job we are doing. We don't even have to use words. We can just take a picture, proving how great things are. Collecting evidence of a reality that may or may not exist. 

And when we are living in the physical world of "Flesh-and-blood book", how is that going? Or are we constantly evaluating our life events as "post-worthy" or "not post-worthy?" 

I use Facebook. I know why I post. I know why I read OPPs. I check my "likes" like most of us. I appreciate seeing what old friends from around the globe are doing. I share things I want people to know about. I like looking at funny videos of goat yoga. I also like other shiny objects and pretty things that have nothing to do with staring at my computer screen or phone. But I see them for they are. Just Another Pretty Face. And we know the work that goes into making and keeping all those pretty faces...

So, great job everyone! Isn't that what we all really want?

When Doing It Differently is a Waiting Game

Who likes sitting in a waiting room? Is anyone really comfortable there? I guess if there are good magazines, or if you've trained yourself to be OK with waiting.

There is often waiting in doing it differently. Waiting for a new way to emerge, a new motivation, a new inspiration, a new point of view. And sometimes this waiting around "doing it differently" is a bit painful and requires patience. Sometimes waiting for change, and re-choosing change, even though you don't know what to "do" so you "do" nothing, can be excruciating and even depressing. So am I willing to stay in my old patterns in order to avoid this new, unfamiliar pain? The pain of waiting for an outcome that I am not sure of?

This is the big trap. The big addiction. The big fear. And maybe The Big Production. How long can you hold to your commitment to do it differently when the thrill of the "new" wears off, and the fear of the unknown sets in? Where the security of the devil that you know looks better and better, and the deep self doubt that maybe you don't really know what you are talking about, and maybe you should just "behave" and do it the way you were told, and keep the status quo alive instead of sitting with the discomfort that comes when the initial "rush" of a new commitment wears off?

This is the tapas, the stuff that transformation is made of. And the deeper the hooks, the potentially more uncomfortable the waiting game. 

Other People's Choices

Who am I to judge the choices of others? That would be playing God. And in being God, not playing, I wouldn't be judging.

3-day weekend!

So many of us have a 3-day weekend coming up with Martin Luther King Jr. Day tomorrow. What does that mean for you? More partying? More rest? More more? Less more? Or maybe take a stand inside of yourself. Stand up for your Self and what it is you really need, without expecting someone outside of yourself to "get it," to "hear you," to "see you," or to even "care." Those expectations could be disappointing (see yesterday's blog).

Take a lesson from Martin Luther King Jr. perhaps. Can we create change (internally or externally) without violence? Can we change from a place of love and integrity? Are we brave enough to even ask what that would mean - to change without coercion, violence, manipulation?

Do we need to beat ourselves up in order to change? Punish ourselves? If we use those tactics on ourselves, and we think they work, why wouldn't we use those tactics on others to elicit the change we are seeking?

Am I willing to love myself unconditionally today?

Just asking....

Happiness is not from without

We are all personally responsible for our own happiness. To look for it outside of our ourselves is disappointment waiting to happen.

The Big Production

Life can be complex or hard because sometimes it is and we need it to engage us in a way that challenges us. And if we keep pulling back, getting bigger, maybe it's not that complex or hard, and the complexity and hard factor gets lost in the bigger picture, just like we can't see our skin or blood cells with our physical eyes.

How microscopic do we want to see? How close up do we want to see? Need to see? How much engagement/complexity/challenge do we want or need today in order to feel worthy or entertained?

Or can I start to see that I've done most of this before and that I don't always have to make a Big Production out of things. Unless I want to. Because I like Big Productions.

But when do Big Productions become and time and energy suck? When they do? And sometimes they creep up on you and you realize that the train has left the station, the crew is hired, the players have their makeup on, and you want a big sloppy KISS about now. So do it.
Get simple. Get silly. Let the rest go. 

Truth Be Told

As many of you know, I do a yearly hashtag. Last year's hashtag was #gethonestfaster. And it was so good, I'm bringing it back next to this year's #doitdifferentlyin2018.

#GetHonestFaster -- in class this week, I talked about getting honest faster and truth telling - to YOURSELF. Start at home. Tell yourself the truth about your Self. What do I want? What do I really want? How am I feeling? How am I really feeling? Am I willing to do something differently? If so, what am I really willing to do? Or am I using the constructs and ideas of what I think I "should" be doing, according to some other authority, like an online quiz or self-help book, as the basis for what I think I am willing to do differently?

So hashtag getting honest faster is a way to help you #doitdifferntlyin2018. Because you will be more accurately assessing what it is you are really willing to do, and not do. And once you've told yourself the truth about that, we can really begin to move the mountain that has seemed like an unsurmountable obstacle all these years, all these New Years, all these New Years Resolutions.

More on truth telling to come. But in a nutshell, start telling yourself the truth, about your Self. Start there. Don't worry about the Others. For now. Practice on yourself and develop those truth telling chops. Can I tell myself the truth with Love? With a real curiosity? With a real willingness to Know? Or am I using the excuse of "truth telling" to beat myself up? To reinforce my addiction to my own pain and story? To prove to myself that I'm not worthy of the change I seek? That might be something to be truthful about.

Just sayin...

ANTS!!!

Last night I got home from teaching and was ready to take a nice hot bath and crawl into my delicious bed, and the comforter was covered in ANTS! Let me say that there wasn't much comfort in a comforter of ants. What was interesting is how I wasn't "bugged" by the incident and did not freak out. I just saw about 100+ ants making their ant shapes, doing their ant-dance on the bed. I looked to see what could have drawn them there. I don't eat in bed, and they didn't seem to be interested in anything that was on the bed. Just the bed itself. Yes, I think I have a sweet bed, but not the kind of sweet that would attract ants. Or so I thought. There were no obvious ant trails upon first, second, third and fourth glance. Just ants.

So the comforter went into the washer, we dug out some old blankets, and my hot bath was now totally tepid and there was no more hot water. And I did not freak out. I just did what was necessary (necessary in my mind, not empirically necessary), and got into bed.

Talk about doing it differently in 2018! It was different.

So what do I know about ants? They come from Venus. They taught us to colonize and organize. They taught us group mind. They taught us systematic approach. They taught us about being ego-less and working for the whole. And I looked up in the Medicine Card book today - Patience. Just when you think you are in a holding pattern, this state of "weird," let it ride. Be patient and wait. All is "coming." But really all is here. All is now. All is Knowing.

So what did I bring back from Mexico? Maybe a bunch of ants. Or at least their teachings. And patience. And the reminder of what I've been teaching now for many years - slow and steady. Gently and lovingly. It's all perfect. Timing is perfect. Let go of the need to control the timing. Let go of the need to control the picture.

The ants go marching 1 by 1, 2 by 2, etc...  and if they end up on your bed, don't freak out. What are your ants today? Receive their message and let it be magical. Or not, cuz it's all perfect!

KISS Me Now!

KISS - Keep it simple silly.

And if you're going to keep it, keep it silly. And simple. Then embellish as needed.

Rain of Willingness

Woke up this morning to my "first day" of the year. It feels like Day 1 because it's the day I go back to work. Back to classes, privates, marketing, planning, etc...  And I woke up to the rain. When I hear the rain, I remember the story that Pandit Rajmani Tigunait shared with us about the Rain of Willingness. The rain that dissolves our resistance. The rain that dissolves our ego. Dennis Adams also talks about the rain, water, and the presence of Masters. So when I woke up to that sound, that feeling, that Presence of a steady rain, I felt supported in a doing a new year differently. I felt even more attachments drop. I felt even more connection and magic. So I'm lowering my expectations to the ground, knowing that my Willingness to do it differently will take me into new waters. Maybe sometimes it may seem like I'm up a creek without a paddle, but maybe I don't need a paddle all the time. Maybe sometimes not paddling will take me to a new place in a new way.

Hydrate with Willingness today. Drink in that which softens and melts our ego and attachments. Who knows what you might find without that coating of "have-tos." 

Do it Differently in 2018

We got back from the Mexico retreat in the wee hours this morning. In bed by 2am. I haven't been "home" since before New Years. Waking up this morning, I felt different (the retreat worked!). I feel different. So now it begins - doing 2018 differently. There is a palpable shift inside, and although I don't know what it all means and looks like, I will be paying attention. I am on the lookout for how to  do it differently this year. Not that there was anything wrong with how I did it last year. Like the Universe, I'm just evolving, so why not pay attention to that?

Co-leading an amazing transformational New Year's retreat from Dec 29-Jan 6 was a total reboot - more than I thought. It probably helped that I had a cough/cold/flu most of the time, which made me do the retreat differently as well. More about not doing. More about allowing. Surrendering into trust and knowingness. Taking care of what is needed in the moment, whether that was me saying "no" to going on an excursion in favor of resting, or being honest and in present moment about my daily choices, and observing my thoughts and actions.

So here we are, back at the ranch, home on the range, with a clean slate. I feel a depth about how to approach this new project "Jean in 2018," and I know that cultivating more relaxation is a part of the through-line. And other things that I'm not publicly sharing right now. And they will unfold no matter what because life happens, more happens.

So for today, how can I cultivate more willingness to be open to staying out of my old habits, old thought trajectories, old hamster wheels, and spend more energy surrendering my pictures?

Let go. Just Know.

First Day of Epiphany

In customs line. Security line with security guards. I feel pretty secure. But I don’t think that my security needs guarding. It just is. 

What Am I Willing to Do?

Without Willingness, we may not stand a chance. What am I willing to know? What am I willing to see? What am I willing to admit? What am I willing to say? What am I willing to hear? And then for change - what am I willing to do differently?

Is Time on Your Side?

Is time on your side? If not, it can be...

Am I willing to take the time I need to get the result I am seeking?

And So Are You

Just like the saints and deities are aspects of the Divine, broken down so we can see parts of It, allowing us a way to comprehend It, relate to It, digest It better, So Are We.

Another 365

Happy New Year and Day 1 of the revisit to the 365 Conversations game. It’s been quite some time since I’ve blogged consistently in this format, and I am inspired to do this 365 consecutive days in a row once again. My “intention” was to start on Jan 1, 2018 - in numerology a number 4 - to start building a new foundation for a very different year, not that there was anything empirically wrong with my “last year.” Last year felt like a turning point, a starting over. This year feels like clear movement with a clearer focus, more honesty (#gethonestfaster).  

Back to my “intention.” Yesterday I felt thick and sick. Cough, cold, achy joints, the whole bit. I’m leading a retreat with my teaching partner in Mexico. We were up late on New Years Eve doing a full moon ceremony, and quite frankly, although I was inspired to write, I couldn’t muster the energy. So instead of saying, “well, I blew it! I didn’t start on New Year’s Day, that dilutes the energy so why do it? what’s the point of all of this anyway,” I got out the keyboard and started plunking out this blog, right here right now, on the morning of Jan 2, 2018 in Tulum. I still have the cough and cold, but I”m feeling better, so no time like the present because time and space only exist on this dimension anyway! In other words, it’s not too late!

So as we look at those New Year’s intentions, or resolutions, resolve every day. Start every day. That way you take it one day at a time and you lower the chance of dissappointing yourself or feeling like you’ve failed yourself. You are your Self. And that’s pretty great.