18. Pack it in

Packing. I'm packing. yes, this time it's a suitcase as I leave for Mexico tomorrow for the Sri and Shakti Retreat. But as I see the title "pack it in" that's exactly what I've been doing for most of my life. Packing in as much as I can. At one point it was emotions, at one point food, at one point activities, and at other points, just about anything else. Over the past few years, I've been packing less and less in, to the point where I feel totally unproductive, bored even. I actually felt bored a couple of times! Some yogis say that's the biggest sin, but if you don't even know what it is, who is to judge? Maybe "bored" is a state before the mind/manas calms down enough to just "be." Maybe boredom is a stepping stone to eliminating habits that drive us to keep busy, to look busy, to act busy, all proving that we are worthy, productive, and effective members of society. Because when we stop the busy habits, what is left? A big resounding S P A C E just waiting to be filled.

Out of fear or habit, we may jump to fill it, quenching the thirst for activity that boredoms signals. But what happens if we stay with the boredom and wait for the next thing. Wait to hear the inner voice of truth. Wait for a new inspiration. Wait. Wait. Weight. Waiting can grow heavy. It can lead us to heavy thoughts, heavy bodies, heavy attitudes, especially if we lay down the judgement that accompanies boredom. Sloth. A deadly sin. But is it? Again, an opportunity for growth, for change, to ride a new trajectory. So if we were to wait without the weight, then what? Maybe boredom might turn into bliss, ease, effortlessness, and the S  P A C E to feel joy, sweetness, contentment, oneness. To be a human being instead of a human doing.

So as I continue to pack the suitcase and reflect on the past week of packing it in, and feeling the weight of that, I start again. I dump the waiting for the perfect moment. I dump the weight of self judgement, because God forbid I should leave town with an active To Do list! My human doing will have none of that! Until I remind myself that as much human doing, I am that much human being. I just have to turn the other cheek and see the world through a different pair of glasses. And then I lose the 10 lbs of weighted wait, and packing becomes fun, and I don't need to pack it in, and if there are dishes in the sink and emails unanswered, so be it.

It can wait. I am weightless and loving the waiting for the waking up that is happening in the moment. The weight of wait is over and it's Now the New. And it's effortless in everything/nothing to be.