Packing. I'm packing. yes, this time it's a suitcase as I leave for Mexico tomorrow for the Sri and Shakti Retreat. But as I see the title "pack it in" that's exactly what I've been doing for most of my life. Packing in as much as I can. At one point it was emotions, at one point food, at one point activities, and at other points, just about anything else. Over the past few years, I've been packing less and less in, to the point where I feel totally unproductive, bored even. I actually felt bored a couple of times! Some yogis say that's the biggest sin, but if you don't even know what it is, who is to judge? Maybe "bored" is a state before the mind/manas calms down enough to just "be." Maybe boredom is a stepping stone to eliminating habits that drive us to keep busy, to look busy, to act busy, all proving that we are worthy, productive, and effective members of society. Because when we stop the busy habits, what is left? A big resounding S P A C E just waiting to be filled.
Out of fear or habit, we may jump to fill it, quenching the thirst for activity that boredoms signals. But what happens if we stay with the boredom and wait for the next thing. Wait to hear the inner voice of truth. Wait for a new inspiration. Wait. Wait. Weight. Waiting can grow heavy. It can lead us to heavy thoughts, heavy bodies, heavy attitudes, especially if we lay down the judgement that accompanies boredom. Sloth. A deadly sin. But is it? Again, an opportunity for growth, for change, to ride a new trajectory. So if we were to wait without the weight, then what? Maybe boredom might turn into bliss, ease, effortlessness, and the S P A C E to feel joy, sweetness, contentment, oneness. To be a human being instead of a human doing.
So as I continue to pack the suitcase and reflect on the past week of packing it in, and feeling the weight of that, I start again. I dump the waiting for the perfect moment. I dump the weight of self judgement, because God forbid I should leave town with an active To Do list! My human doing will have none of that! Until I remind myself that as much human doing, I am that much human being. I just have to turn the other cheek and see the world through a different pair of glasses. And then I lose the 10 lbs of weighted wait, and packing becomes fun, and I don't need to pack it in, and if there are dishes in the sink and emails unanswered, so be it.
It can wait. I am weightless and loving the waiting for the waking up that is happening in the moment. The weight of wait is over and it's Now the New. And it's effortless in everything/nothing to be.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
17. Hot Bliggity Blog
Yes. It's true. Yesterday ate me cuz I was trying to eat it. It was all about "knocking it out." Knocking one more thing off the list. Until I got knocked out. I knocked myself out. Finally ending the day in a slight oblivion - no alcohol involved - but totally forgot to complete my mission. I didn't knock out the blog. Well, opportunity strikes again, and this time, i made sure I remembered, because even though that aspect inside myself that sees things that I do for myself as fluffy, meaningless, and unimportant, I know otherwise. I know it's just a habit of thought and a habit of action, which is one reason for these conversations. To acknowledge and honor that part of me that creates, that dreams, that values the miracle. The part of me that is the space between the cells. the part that transcends all matter. To talk with and from that part, formally, as a practice, at least once a day, right here in front of God and everyone.
Because it is God and Everyone.
And tonight, yoga class was thick with space, transformation, and the promise of a better life. A life where matter doesn't matter as much. When matter matters as much as it is, not more, not less.
And I got a chocolate cupcake from a student. Thank you God. And Everyone.
Because it is God and Everyone.
And tonight, yoga class was thick with space, transformation, and the promise of a better life. A life where matter doesn't matter as much. When matter matters as much as it is, not more, not less.
And I got a chocolate cupcake from a student. Thank you God. And Everyone.
Monday, March 28, 2011
16. The Big Freeze
Sometimes I just freeze. Go numb. Or dumb. Or both. It's one of those days while the laundry saga from the day before has picked up momentum and has become a bit of a detailed obsession.
the day before's momentum
has now become obsession
of picking through the pieces
that might need to get done - but why right now?
it's like i'm moving in slow motion
but faster than the ocean
because it's so expansive
it seems to go extremely slow - at least from here
a pensive little fear
So the tiny little pieces
that give me ice brain freezes
and brings me to my knees is
out of step
out of time
out of rhythm
out of rhyme
out of luck
out of shine
out of quarters
can you spare a dime
snap out of it
release control
know that i'm not the one in charge
of anything worth anything
and the fact that we need laundry done
or milk or tums or some more fun
won't stop the wheel anyway
so keep on turning
or burning like Proud Mary
And that's about how things go on in the big upstairs
when time seems short and I get scared
and tempo beats inside
and nerve endings are fried
perspective lost
periscopes tossed
emotions frost
teeth flossed
and tomorrow brings a second chance to see
the forest through the trees
the day before's momentum
has now become obsession
of picking through the pieces
that might need to get done - but why right now?
it's like i'm moving in slow motion
but faster than the ocean
because it's so expansive
it seems to go extremely slow - at least from here
a pensive little fear
So the tiny little pieces
that give me ice brain freezes
and brings me to my knees is
out of step
out of time
out of rhythm
out of rhyme
out of luck
out of shine
out of quarters
can you spare a dime
snap out of it
release control
know that i'm not the one in charge
of anything worth anything
and the fact that we need laundry done
or milk or tums or some more fun
won't stop the wheel anyway
so keep on turning
or burning like Proud Mary
And that's about how things go on in the big upstairs
when time seems short and I get scared
and tempo beats inside
and nerve endings are fried
perspective lost
periscopes tossed
emotions frost
teeth flossed
and tomorrow brings a second chance to see
the forest through the trees
Sunday, March 27, 2011
15. Dirty Laundry
One of my high school buddies commented about how it was hard to keep up with everything I'm doing because I always have so many irons on the fire. I cracked up and said "you'd think by now I would have hired a laundry person" only to make the connection that my laundry is mine to do. When I'm in a laundry quandry, who can go through the closet and tell me what to get rid of? Me. (unless of course someone gets me on the show "What Not To Wear") If I spill on my nice clean shirt, who cleans up the mess? Me. If I have secrets in my closet that need to be aired, cleaned up, or cleaned out, can anyone else really get the job done? Me thinks no. It's up to me to make my bed with clean sheets, or to lay in my bed with dirty ones. It's up to me to admit that I've outgrown some clothes, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and to have the courage to get rid of them. It's up to me to manage the irons on the fire, and iron away with or without scorching something.
The thing about laundry, is that if worn, it gets dirty. The thing about life, if we wear it, it gets dirty. We wear out our current set of clothes, aka - ideas, streams of thought, creations, stories, and either clean them up or trade them for new, or we become one of those people who continue to wear the same hairstyle as their high school graduation picture, even though it is 20 years later. This is not to insult anyone, even though it might. Only you know whether the look still works for you. Who am I to say? I don't even know you! Or do I? hmmmmm...
and is my dirty laundry anyone else's business? No, unless I want it to be and even then, I still don't think so.
I love that Don Henley song:
"I make my living off the evening news. Just give me something, something I can use. People love it when you lose, they love dirty laundry."
And is my dirty, gossip-worthy, self-judgmental laundry worth the time and effort for someone else to go digging around in it? I can't answer that, but all I know is, I don't like smelling your dirty laundry, and I can't imagine you wanting to smell mine, unless it's to see whose stinks more, and if it makes someone else feel better to have mine stink more, well, all I can say is, mine would smell even worse if yours was clean. Here's some quarters. have at it.
So yes, I'm doing laundry right now. Less than half of it is mine. What does that say about me? Am I a nice person, or am simply selfish and controlling? Take a sniff and decide for yourself. I think God has a sense of smell and doesn't really care whether I do laundry at all.
360 Conversations to go.
The thing about laundry, is that if worn, it gets dirty. The thing about life, if we wear it, it gets dirty. We wear out our current set of clothes, aka - ideas, streams of thought, creations, stories, and either clean them up or trade them for new, or we become one of those people who continue to wear the same hairstyle as their high school graduation picture, even though it is 20 years later. This is not to insult anyone, even though it might. Only you know whether the look still works for you. Who am I to say? I don't even know you! Or do I? hmmmmm...
and is my dirty laundry anyone else's business? No, unless I want it to be and even then, I still don't think so.
I love that Don Henley song:
"I make my living off the evening news. Just give me something, something I can use. People love it when you lose, they love dirty laundry."
And is my dirty, gossip-worthy, self-judgmental laundry worth the time and effort for someone else to go digging around in it? I can't answer that, but all I know is, I don't like smelling your dirty laundry, and I can't imagine you wanting to smell mine, unless it's to see whose stinks more, and if it makes someone else feel better to have mine stink more, well, all I can say is, mine would smell even worse if yours was clean. Here's some quarters. have at it.
So yes, I'm doing laundry right now. Less than half of it is mine. What does that say about me? Am I a nice person, or am simply selfish and controlling? Take a sniff and decide for yourself. I think God has a sense of smell and doesn't really care whether I do laundry at all.
360 Conversations to go.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
14. Teachers and Teaching
Teachers and Teachings
Giving credit to one’s teachers is traditional and a very cool thing to do. As I was thinking about the flip side of this, which I often do, I started to see things in a different (not more or less correct) light.
If I thank Dennis Adams, master healer (www.dennisadamsmasterhealer.com) for the metaphysical foundation he provided, who am I thanking? Dennis or the teachings? Dennis never claimed to be a guru, in fact, he said he didn’t even want the job. His teaching was “if I can do it, so can you” and he would even appear to get impatient with teachings where there was a practiced hierarchy.
What about Rod Stryker (www.parayoga.com) who really taught me about yoga? My knowledge of what I had learned from Dennis was re-framed into a yogic way, making me a better “yoga” teacher. I could speak to those students whose path was truly yogic.
And then there is Pandit Rajmani Tigunait. Panditji. As Rod says, “a jolly genius.” (www.himalayaninstitute.org). He takes the teachings to level that resonates with the yoga teacher in me, but also touches the metaphysical, which is more to my sensibility. Who is my “teacher?” I struggled with this when I got back into the “yoga world” after years of personal practice, my only input was from applying the teachings of Dennis in the everyday world, so my practice was equal, both on and off the mat. There was no separation.
In yoga, they say you need to choose one guru. I don’t know if I can because they have all taught and continue to teach me. The ultimate teacher is my life and my exploration and experience of these teachings every single day. If I’m not applying the teachings to when I’m in line at the grocery store, then my “yoga practice” is what? Learning a bunch of cool poses and ways to breathe? If the cool poses and breath control don’t bring me closer to understanding my place in this physical world, and bring me closer to a more and more consistent merging of physical and non-physical, then I would rather just spend my time watching movies, enjoying the beach with a cold Margerita, or other delectable, sensory, Divine pleasures that we get here on Earth.
Friday, March 25, 2011
13. The "eff" word
the eff word. what gets me about this, is that everyone knows it's the eff word, and everyone knows exactly what it stands for, so if i say "what the eff is going on?" or "Eff off!" or "i can't stand it when you use the effing eff word" is it really that much better than using the word itself?
Eff. Doesn't quite pack the punch since there is no hard consonants like "ck" at the end. Effffffffff. kind of just hangs there. F@ck. That packs a bit more punch.
and on James Liptons "Inside the Actor's Studio," when asked what their favorite swear word is - most of them pick the eff word. I mean, it's quite versatile. It's a verb, a noun, an adjective. haven't seen it used as an adverb yet, but hey, I'm open. F@ckly? Interesting. Effing interesting.
One of my favorite eff phrases is - "F@ck you, you F@ckin F@ck!" but my all time favorite is "stop using the f@cking eff word!"
so eff on my pretties. or perhaps i should say "eff off?"
I can't make up my effin mind. And did you know that the only difference between eff and elf, is the letter L. And we all know what the L word is.
I ell the eff word.
What the ell. or eff it ell.
Eff. Doesn't quite pack the punch since there is no hard consonants like "ck" at the end. Effffffffff. kind of just hangs there. F@ck. That packs a bit more punch.
and on James Liptons "Inside the Actor's Studio," when asked what their favorite swear word is - most of them pick the eff word. I mean, it's quite versatile. It's a verb, a noun, an adjective. haven't seen it used as an adverb yet, but hey, I'm open. F@ckly? Interesting. Effing interesting.
One of my favorite eff phrases is - "F@ck you, you F@ckin F@ck!" but my all time favorite is "stop using the f@cking eff word!"
so eff on my pretties. or perhaps i should say "eff off?"
I can't make up my effin mind. And did you know that the only difference between eff and elf, is the letter L. And we all know what the L word is.
I ell the eff word.
What the ell. or eff it ell.
11.5 - in the night
This is NOT the time to check and answer email....
No matter how groovy it feels.
No matter how groovy it feels.
11. Things that go bump
in the night. When you wake up and remember that you forgot to blog. It still counts because it's officially not morning yet. And I won't be mourning that I missed a day, a blog, a blot on the blip of mankind. Because I have been writing. yes. Which is great. And what's even better is that I'm not copy and pasting something I wrote earlier this week to fill this blog-spot-in-time. This is actually happening in real time. After a long rainy day of driving, teaching, and other appointments, watching Modern Family and Grey's Anatomy - surrogate families with just enough disfunction to make me feel at home, yet just enough of the "dream" and "funny" to make it all OK. So yeah, I'm human. And thank God for that. Thank you God. For this humanity. If I wasn't human, I might not have the opportunity to sense, feel, taste, smell, think, see, hear all the wacky-ness that keeps the carnivale carnal. Carnal-val. Human-val. Val-carn. Bennifer. Branjolina.
And even in this rain with a dog, my couch is still white.
:-)
Life is good.
And even in this rain with a dog, my couch is still white.
:-)
Life is good.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
10. Hari Om Tat Sat
All that is the embodiment of Truth. What is truth? What does it mean to "tell the truth?" Does it mean to report the physical plane as we are perceiving it? But what about the larger part of us that is not physical? What about that truth? What truth do we want to tell?
Often this is kinda hard to wrap one's head around. So in classes that I teach, I suggest that students start changing the lies they tell themselves. Stop saying "I suck" "I'm not good enough" "I'm not worthy" "Nobody loves me" "I'm ugly" "I'd be perfect if I..." Those are essentially lies we tell ourselves and those lies are veils that hang between you and your Truth. So tell yourself a different lie. "I'm awesome." "I'm perfect." "I am worthy." I am doing my best." "I love myself." "I accept who I am." "I'm thin." "I'm rich." Whatever lie you'd like to bring forth into the lie of a physical life. If the physical is Maya - the Illusion, then duh! It's a "lie," and all things physical are lies.
Of course on the flip side, it's all God, but if your point of view was coming from there, then there would be no lies because you'd be seeing/experiencing everything as perfect. No judgement. Just the physical manifestation of the Divine.
Everyone's truth is different. We all perceive our "reality" through different lenses. So why not start ordering something different off the menu? Why not choose a different truth? Or tell a different lie...
Often this is kinda hard to wrap one's head around. So in classes that I teach, I suggest that students start changing the lies they tell themselves. Stop saying "I suck" "I'm not good enough" "I'm not worthy" "Nobody loves me" "I'm ugly" "I'd be perfect if I..." Those are essentially lies we tell ourselves and those lies are veils that hang between you and your Truth. So tell yourself a different lie. "I'm awesome." "I'm perfect." "I am worthy." I am doing my best." "I love myself." "I accept who I am." "I'm thin." "I'm rich." Whatever lie you'd like to bring forth into the lie of a physical life. If the physical is Maya - the Illusion, then duh! It's a "lie," and all things physical are lies.
Of course on the flip side, it's all God, but if your point of view was coming from there, then there would be no lies because you'd be seeing/experiencing everything as perfect. No judgement. Just the physical manifestation of the Divine.
Everyone's truth is different. We all perceive our "reality" through different lenses. So why not start ordering something different off the menu? Why not choose a different truth? Or tell a different lie...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
9. Aum and Agni
Joe- I had a flash while driving the other day and I realized I may have missed the boat on the Fire/Light/Agni part. For me, Agni is a specific kind of fire - a transformational fire, and light is more of a "merging with the soul" or "becoming the soul" or "turning into God" thing. Of course, we already ARE the soul - doh! That's who we really are. But because of our deep identification and attachment to our perception of the physical, we forget that. Which brings us back to smarana - remembrance. We use Agni to clear out the "impurities - aka attachments, judgements, etc... in order to help us perceive ourselves as more than the physical. For me, "light" is an experience that we have, where we feel our Soul, our Self, our Source. We "see" light. In some religions, "seeing the light" is seeing "God," seeing more than you did before. Pranava is a different way of experiencing the same. In Sutras 1:28, Patanjali says that pranava is Ishwara - we can "hear" God, we "hear" pranava.
It's like the Divine has thrown us more than one bone. There are as many ways to understand and experience the Source as there are seekers. All paths lead to "God", the Source, the Divine, whatever the name. As Patanjali says in YS 1:39 after listing a smorgasboard of practices - pick one you like! Patanjali takes all limitation off of how we get to that place of becoming, experiencing, etc... God/Ishwara/Divinity.
That experience can be a) "hearing" pranava - the voice of God, b) "seeing" the Light - the light of God, c) smelling the essence of God (I forgot the word for this - "smell" the roses, d) "tasting" the amrit or e) Other.
Was this more on track with your question?
aums and agni
It's like the Divine has thrown us more than one bone. There are as many ways to understand and experience the Source as there are seekers. All paths lead to "God", the Source, the Divine, whatever the name. As Patanjali says in YS 1:39 after listing a smorgasboard of practices - pick one you like! Patanjali takes all limitation off of how we get to that place of becoming, experiencing, etc... God/Ishwara/Divinity.
That experience can be a) "hearing" pranava - the voice of God, b) "seeing" the Light - the light of God, c) smelling the essence of God (I forgot the word for this - "smell" the roses, d) "tasting" the amrit or e) Other.
Was this more on track with your question?
aums and agni
Monday, March 21, 2011
8. What's today got to do with it?
What's in to day? To do? To stay? To goo? (well, it rhymes sonically, whereas "go" rhymes visually.) So (also a visual rhyme with "to" but both sonic and visual with "go" so (yes, another one), yoo choose.
Today has everything to do with it. It's today that we have a clean slate. We can change the way we get up. We can change the time we get up. We can change what we do when we get up. We can not get up. Regardless, we have the opportunity to change. Change our trajectory. Change our life. It is in the present that we create the future, but it is also in the present where we create the next present, which was at one point, the future.
So I blogged in the morning instead of evening. I fed my dog with joy in my heart. I made chai and actually cleaned up after myself. Am I creating my future? Definitely. But is this change always what we expect? Nope. I can collect physical evidence if I like, backing up the legitimacy of my expectation - I won't have to clean up after myself later. Well, is true is that I won't have to clean up the chai mess later. Who knows what kind of mess life will bring, or god forbid, someone in the household leaves??? So my expectation could be dashed to smithereens, but there change would have occurred. Change without expectation leaves us room to feel the ripple effect of the breaking of a pattern. So God, what have I changed? Am I closer to Realizing You in me? I have answers to my own question, so yes, I Am.
Today has everything to do with it. It's today that we have a clean slate. We can change the way we get up. We can change the time we get up. We can change what we do when we get up. We can not get up. Regardless, we have the opportunity to change. Change our trajectory. Change our life. It is in the present that we create the future, but it is also in the present where we create the next present, which was at one point, the future.
So I blogged in the morning instead of evening. I fed my dog with joy in my heart. I made chai and actually cleaned up after myself. Am I creating my future? Definitely. But is this change always what we expect? Nope. I can collect physical evidence if I like, backing up the legitimacy of my expectation - I won't have to clean up after myself later. Well, is true is that I won't have to clean up the chai mess later. Who knows what kind of mess life will bring, or god forbid, someone in the household leaves??? So my expectation could be dashed to smithereens, but there change would have occurred. Change without expectation leaves us room to feel the ripple effect of the breaking of a pattern. So God, what have I changed? Am I closer to Realizing You in me? I have answers to my own question, so yes, I Am.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
7. clean slate
Clean house
Clean slate
all is well with the glyph
nothing a little more power couldn't take care of
and then's there's the clean house
sunday's over and monday's a
clean slate
what shall i do with it?
Clean slate
all is well with the glyph
nothing a little more power couldn't take care of
and then's there's the clean house
sunday's over and monday's a
clean slate
what shall i do with it?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
6. It's a mystery
It's a mystery. All the wires are plugged into the correct sockets. The device is seen by the computer, then not seen by the program, ironically called Logic. It's not logical.
It's this weird dance between trying to simply everything, but the simplification process has it's own set of complexities which then bring up the question - would it have been simpler to stick with the status quo? Probably. And the payoff? Who knows. Did the status quo have the potential payoff that the new system claims to have? Do i want change for change sake? Is Logic really all that? And why doesn't a piece of equipment that appears to be electronic move seamlessly between 2 different computers? is my firewire solo monogamous? Does it prefer Digital Performer because that's what it's used to? Is my Macbook Pro sabotaging this relationship? Is my G5 jealous, and has it threatened the MBP and told it to find it's own audio interface?
Relationships play out everywhere. And those things we deemed "inanimate" really inanimate? Have we thought that we are so superior to these things made of wood, wire, metal, plastic? Are they finding their voice? Are they mad as hell and don't want to take it anymore? Do they feel taken for granite - i mean - for granted? And----- bum bum bum ----- what about Naomi?
Stay tuned til next time to find out if the plumber has really come to fix the sink.
It's this weird dance between trying to simply everything, but the simplification process has it's own set of complexities which then bring up the question - would it have been simpler to stick with the status quo? Probably. And the payoff? Who knows. Did the status quo have the potential payoff that the new system claims to have? Do i want change for change sake? Is Logic really all that? And why doesn't a piece of equipment that appears to be electronic move seamlessly between 2 different computers? is my firewire solo monogamous? Does it prefer Digital Performer because that's what it's used to? Is my Macbook Pro sabotaging this relationship? Is my G5 jealous, and has it threatened the MBP and told it to find it's own audio interface?
Relationships play out everywhere. And those things we deemed "inanimate" really inanimate? Have we thought that we are so superior to these things made of wood, wire, metal, plastic? Are they finding their voice? Are they mad as hell and don't want to take it anymore? Do they feel taken for granite - i mean - for granted? And----- bum bum bum ----- what about Naomi?
Stay tuned til next time to find out if the plumber has really come to fix the sink.
5. So what's in a backsplash
looking at kitchens. so many kitchens. part of me likes the idea of a bunson burner. and what about those backsplashes? over-rated and over-priced from where i sit right now. in a few months, we'll see if i'm eating my words next to a hot plate of appetizers in the new kitchen, but right now, i haven't seen a backsplash that does anything for me except scream "backsplash" and why would you want to draw attention to a place that gets food and grease splashed on it? Perhaps it's like shining a light on those dark areas inside of us, those places of unconsciousness that we walk on by, ignore, feign ignorance, shove aside, or have the cleaning person deal with. So what's on your backsplash? I want mine tasteful, clean, with the right amount of zing. Or not, because what if the zing is somewhere else? I want my backsplash to be in balance - not afraid to be what it is. Not afraid to either play a supporting role or be the focal point. I'm just looking for an honest backsplash. No backlash on the backsplash. Splish splash. I'll be taking a bath. And it's Friday not Saturday night.
Friday, March 18, 2011
4. St Pattys Day
I have a sister named Patty. And yes, at times, she's been a saint. For some odd reason, she still loves me after all the big sister crap i laid on her as we were growing up. Sometimes, I've looked at her like she's the "big sister," the "older, wiser one," and yet, she still feels good about wearing a bikini without a tan. The best of both worlds.
Profound? It depends on the listener. But it was Jimmy Kimmel that somehow reminded me of this commitment to have 365 Conversations. And even though it is 31 minutes past the deadline, I haven't gone to bed yet, and since it's day 4, i can't use this excuse to bag the whole project and use the "failure" word.
Not to make an excuse for not writing anything of "substance," i spent time answering a question about God, as in, is God fire (agni/light) or pranava (the universal unstruck sound/vibration). So that took some time. And i loved it.
And I still love these conversations. I wonder what it's going to be like when I'm 4 out from finishing, as opposed to 4 in from starting. Me thinks that we will have a different relationship, and sheeeesh, i hope so! Stagnation is not one of my strong suits. I hope my relationship is richer, stronger, and i'm looking forward to seeing what that means.
And I saw a seagull with a broken wing crossing the street today. To get to the other side? I don't know, but I wanted to pick it up and hug it's broken wing because what is more poetic than seeing an actual gull walking with a broken wing?
A song start is born. Let's see if it gets bigger than the petri dish of my intention.
Profound? It depends on the listener. But it was Jimmy Kimmel that somehow reminded me of this commitment to have 365 Conversations. And even though it is 31 minutes past the deadline, I haven't gone to bed yet, and since it's day 4, i can't use this excuse to bag the whole project and use the "failure" word.
Not to make an excuse for not writing anything of "substance," i spent time answering a question about God, as in, is God fire (agni/light) or pranava (the universal unstruck sound/vibration). So that took some time. And i loved it.
And I still love these conversations. I wonder what it's going to be like when I'm 4 out from finishing, as opposed to 4 in from starting. Me thinks that we will have a different relationship, and sheeeesh, i hope so! Stagnation is not one of my strong suits. I hope my relationship is richer, stronger, and i'm looking forward to seeing what that means.
And I saw a seagull with a broken wing crossing the street today. To get to the other side? I don't know, but I wanted to pick it up and hug it's broken wing because what is more poetic than seeing an actual gull walking with a broken wing?
A song start is born. Let's see if it gets bigger than the petri dish of my intention.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Day 3: the day after day 2
And then there is the next day. After all is said and done, sometimes life is like a big reality show. You do your "performance" on Tuesday and then you get the results on Wednesday. Feedback on what you did the day before. Were my choices balanced? If I even need to ask, then there is something to consider.
And sometimes it's just about showing up, grooming your dog, and baking kale, not necessarily in that order, but in my case, today, it was.
And sometimes it's just about showing up, grooming your dog, and baking kale, not necessarily in that order, but in my case, today, it was.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Day 2: God and Taxes
So where do we find the God part while doing taxes? I woke up this morning and while driving to my first appointment, I was thrilled with the idea of life, the vibration that is all life, the vibration that runs through all of matter and beyond. When I got home, I felt a bit overwhelmed with the mundane of life's tasks - yes, a little judgement starting to creep in - and decided to find the God and the fun in taxes. At 2pm I decided that at 3 pm I would stop so i could move on to other things. But 3 pm came and went without even a thought. Was i in the zone? Maybe. At 4pm I looked at the clock and knew that i had past my time limit. Here's where it gets good. Do I stop, and move on to the "more creative" part of my day, or do I continue, now that my head is totally wrapped around numbers, receipts, finding files, reconciling checkbooks, etc...
I kept going. Until now. As the doctor would say "time of death -- 6:18." This is not to say that death and taxes go hand in hand, even though they are found together in certain adages. The upside is, I just have a few things left to do to complete my share of this numbers game. The downside is, I don't have the time I had carved out in my mind to do other things. And I still need to clean up all the paper that surrounds me.
The question is, what serves the Whole and my Self more? Completing a task like taxes? or keeping a balance, a designated time to more evenly use this thing called time? I know my tendency is to want to "complete." I like a to-do list. I like to check stuff off. I'm even one to add things to the list and check them off even if it's in the middle of the day. I like to feel productive. When I feel productive, part of me feels worthy, relevant. The thing is, nothing is ever complete. Even the taxes, because there is getting ready for next year - the writing down the mileage so it's easier to calculate next year (i've been trying to do this for years and haven't seemed to have the where-with-all to check the odometer on Jan 1. I mean, how hard is that???) Setting up accounts and categories so it's all in the click of a button - ideally I will run the perfect report that will answer all my questions. Massage the data while it's still fresh. Yes, that's the way.
Or is it? Because it will never end. There will always be something. Just like life. We never get it done. I think that's the God part. It's all eternal, even the stuff we perceive as finite here on earth, because our minds have the capacity to keep going. The game is over, we won or we lost. But it's not over because we keep re-playing it in our minds. It's like we are our own DVR, recording and playing back our life ad nauseum. Maybe that's why reality shows give us a break. Instead of replaying our life over and over again, we get to step outside of ourselves and watch someone else's.
So dear God, I have gathered the taxes, the numbers, the documentation to the best of my ability. I'll put everything in some envelopes, labeled and ready to store. Am i ready to close the file on 2010? Yes. For now....
6:32 - still time to play my guitar if i start now
:-)
I kept going. Until now. As the doctor would say "time of death -- 6:18." This is not to say that death and taxes go hand in hand, even though they are found together in certain adages. The upside is, I just have a few things left to do to complete my share of this numbers game. The downside is, I don't have the time I had carved out in my mind to do other things. And I still need to clean up all the paper that surrounds me.
The question is, what serves the Whole and my Self more? Completing a task like taxes? or keeping a balance, a designated time to more evenly use this thing called time? I know my tendency is to want to "complete." I like a to-do list. I like to check stuff off. I'm even one to add things to the list and check them off even if it's in the middle of the day. I like to feel productive. When I feel productive, part of me feels worthy, relevant. The thing is, nothing is ever complete. Even the taxes, because there is getting ready for next year - the writing down the mileage so it's easier to calculate next year (i've been trying to do this for years and haven't seemed to have the where-with-all to check the odometer on Jan 1. I mean, how hard is that???) Setting up accounts and categories so it's all in the click of a button - ideally I will run the perfect report that will answer all my questions. Massage the data while it's still fresh. Yes, that's the way.
Or is it? Because it will never end. There will always be something. Just like life. We never get it done. I think that's the God part. It's all eternal, even the stuff we perceive as finite here on earth, because our minds have the capacity to keep going. The game is over, we won or we lost. But it's not over because we keep re-playing it in our minds. It's like we are our own DVR, recording and playing back our life ad nauseum. Maybe that's why reality shows give us a break. Instead of replaying our life over and over again, we get to step outside of ourselves and watch someone else's.
So dear God, I have gathered the taxes, the numbers, the documentation to the best of my ability. I'll put everything in some envelopes, labeled and ready to store. Am i ready to close the file on 2010? Yes. For now....
6:32 - still time to play my guitar if i start now
:-)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Day 1: Somewhere to start
The time is now. I've been procrastinating about blogging and have dabbled here and there on my various websites, but I have decided to blog as a year long practice. This blog is between me and God. The Divine, the Source, the One, the All, the Higher Power, or whatever you want to call it. I like the word God. When I say "God" i have more of a feeling than an image of an old man with a long white beard as found on the Sistine Chapel. Or I don't see a female Deity holding me in her arms. Or an elephant eating and digesting my obstacles. Etc... The relationship that i do have, however, is a feeling. It's a feeling of expansion, a feeling that transcends language, a feeling that is neither female or male, animal, mineral, or vegetable, but all of it and none of it depending on your point of view.
So why this blog? It is a practice for me to get to know this God, to get to know myself and my Self. It's an experiment. It's fun. It's a practice.
So here goes. Daily bread and all. I'm sure the entries will range from the sublime to the ridiculous, from the microscopic to the macro entries. And without expectation, except the requirement that I agree to show up on a daily basis, here goes.
one down, 364 to go...
So why this blog? It is a practice for me to get to know this God, to get to know myself and my Self. It's an experiment. It's fun. It's a practice.
So here goes. Daily bread and all. I'm sure the entries will range from the sublime to the ridiculous, from the microscopic to the macro entries. And without expectation, except the requirement that I agree to show up on a daily basis, here goes.
one down, 364 to go...
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