Everything changes. Even change. The way things change also change. Things that used to work "no matter what" change. The challenging thing, is to allow ourselves to change effortlessly, even though the thing that we are changing was a huge part of our identity.
For example - diet. Many of us either consciously or not consciously identify with our diet. We have lots of judgments about the food we eat, how we eat it, when we eat it, if we eat it. Judgements about how we get nourishment. What it should feel like, look like, behave like. If I say, "I never eat such and such" and then one day I eat such and such and nothing bad happens, or I feel fine, or I feel really, surprisingly excellent, then what? All that energy (prana) we have invested into a thought construct - wasted! Like "whoops, I coulda had a V-8!" or "I coulda spent me energy somewhere else!"
But really, building these mythical castles in the sky, whether they be our thoughts about diet, exercise, our favorite color, our dreams, activities, preferences, avoidances, they are just mythical castles in the sky and they are ours to build. And ours to tear down, and leave down, or even replace with another castle.
When I was painting, i would sometimes take a piece of art and paint the whole thing over with white paint - just to start again. wipe it clean and let go of what was "art" for me in the past.
Like diet. Or whatever. So confirmed meat eaters and vegans! Let's all join together in peace and harmony, knowing that in the blink of an eye, we could easily (hopefully easily) let go of our platforms and do the opposite if the Divine pointed us in that direction. It's challenging to let go of an old friend, even when that friend and you know the relationship is over. Sometimes it's just more comfortable to be uncomfortable with the status quo, than to move on to the next thing on the menu. The downside with this is that it usually gets more and more uncomfortable until finally the sign from the Divine to "let go already!" is like a big rock crashing down, and that rock can take many forms. I'll let you use your own experience and imagination on that one, cuz no one knows better than you which of those habits and patterns you are holding fall into the category of old friends turned into ball and chain, or stomachaches. And I know what mine are. And sometimes we dance, and sometimes we fight, and sometimes we go to counseling, and sometimes we just know it's time to move on.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Rant recant?
Not recanting. I re-read it and stand by what I said. But I will say that I did get a tad fiery in public.
And me, who preaches no right and wrong?!?! What's a reader to think? That maybe my buttons have been pushed at last? That I'm not as cool as you think I am? Or I'm not as cool as I think I am? ;)
Well, could be all of that. Or not. And it doesn't matter. My fire was motivated by a desire to hopefully publicly present another point of view, to challenge what may or may not be the status quo out there, because honestly, I have no idea who is teaching what. I just know what walks into my class.
The big question is, did my rant activate a "right and wrong" rant in you? It's pretty rampant out there, this bi-partisan mind, especially with the political climate being so polarized and elections coming up in November. How can we stay true to our current belief system and not have to make ourselves "right" and the other side "wrong?" Or our side "enlightened" and the other side "uninformed?" And in the big picture, these different Shaktis play out regardless, so perhaps it's clearer to stay detached - vairagya. Not apathetic. Detachment is being able to be in the polarized argument and watch the 2 sides play their part. Then to observe the outcome of what happened to glean a little more understanding at how things work. Not making either side right or wrong. Because hey, without that other side, we wouldn't be here.
As far as kicking up in headstand goes, I'm not a fan. As teachers, we teach to the best of our ability, bringing our own experience to the table. And the students are attracted to the teacher because of that teacher's experiences. So the rant was based on truth as I know it from my experience. And I know that there will be kicking up out there in the world. And that's fine. But not in my class.
This is not to say I wont recant in a heartbeat if someone can present a strong case for kicking up and I either understand and accept it, or test it then decide what I think. Yes, one thing you can get from me, is I speak passionately about the things I know that I know. And those who have been around me also know, that I believe everyone has their own truth. For me, I like mine best. For me. And when I find a truth that rings truer, makes more sense on more levels, expands my point of view, I say Yes! And evolve. Thank God. Seriously. I welcome these new insights because doing it all on my own is no longer my paradigm.
And me, who preaches no right and wrong?!?! What's a reader to think? That maybe my buttons have been pushed at last? That I'm not as cool as you think I am? Or I'm not as cool as I think I am? ;)
Well, could be all of that. Or not. And it doesn't matter. My fire was motivated by a desire to hopefully publicly present another point of view, to challenge what may or may not be the status quo out there, because honestly, I have no idea who is teaching what. I just know what walks into my class.
The big question is, did my rant activate a "right and wrong" rant in you? It's pretty rampant out there, this bi-partisan mind, especially with the political climate being so polarized and elections coming up in November. How can we stay true to our current belief system and not have to make ourselves "right" and the other side "wrong?" Or our side "enlightened" and the other side "uninformed?" And in the big picture, these different Shaktis play out regardless, so perhaps it's clearer to stay detached - vairagya. Not apathetic. Detachment is being able to be in the polarized argument and watch the 2 sides play their part. Then to observe the outcome of what happened to glean a little more understanding at how things work. Not making either side right or wrong. Because hey, without that other side, we wouldn't be here.
Sometimes what we have to say pushes buttons and we need to be OK with that, or everyone will be in the trap of saying stuff we think people want to hear. And really, we don't know what people want to hear, so it's not for us to say.
When I mentioned "ego" and "teacher" and "student" in the same sentence, I'm pretty sure some buttons were pushed, because the ego, when challenged, pushes back. It's not a right/wrong thing. It's just how it works. Keeping our egos in check is a constant thing. Like that adventurous child, just when your back is turned, it runs away and does it's own thing.
As far as kicking up in headstand goes, I'm not a fan. As teachers, we teach to the best of our ability, bringing our own experience to the table. And the students are attracted to the teacher because of that teacher's experiences. So the rant was based on truth as I know it from my experience. And I know that there will be kicking up out there in the world. And that's fine. But not in my class.
This is not to say I wont recant in a heartbeat if someone can present a strong case for kicking up and I either understand and accept it, or test it then decide what I think. Yes, one thing you can get from me, is I speak passionately about the things I know that I know. And those who have been around me also know, that I believe everyone has their own truth. For me, I like mine best. For me. And when I find a truth that rings truer, makes more sense on more levels, expands my point of view, I say Yes! And evolve. Thank God. Seriously. I welcome these new insights because doing it all on my own is no longer my paradigm.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Fair
Who said life is fair? Who started that nasty little rumor, setting up all these expectations based on individual desires and preferences, making "fair" something that can in no way be universal, so how can life be "fair" since we share this life with other "fairs?"
And when did this idea that life is fair get started? I can't remember anyone telling me that life was, in fact, fair, and I should expect fairness. Somehow, based on what I observed, what I was told, values that were taught/modeled/emphasized, I came up with that one on my own. I drank my own poison as the thought of "life is fair" came from me putting those puzzle pieces together.
I will never forget one day sitting on the curb of some parking lot crying about something, and having a wise friend say "Jeanie, life isn't fair." She just said it. And I understood. Definitely got a bit pissed off because a whole bunch of my reality was based on "fairness," but I got it. Thanks Jess! That was a wild day.
So when life doesn't seem fair, or things don't go my way, the "fair" way, I remember that day, that life isn't fair, and that I am a part of all that life-ness. And somehow it just makes sense.
And when did this idea that life is fair get started? I can't remember anyone telling me that life was, in fact, fair, and I should expect fairness. Somehow, based on what I observed, what I was told, values that were taught/modeled/emphasized, I came up with that one on my own. I drank my own poison as the thought of "life is fair" came from me putting those puzzle pieces together.
I will never forget one day sitting on the curb of some parking lot crying about something, and having a wise friend say "Jeanie, life isn't fair." She just said it. And I understood. Definitely got a bit pissed off because a whole bunch of my reality was based on "fairness," but I got it. Thanks Jess! That was a wild day.
So when life doesn't seem fair, or things don't go my way, the "fair" way, I remember that day, that life isn't fair, and that I am a part of all that life-ness. And somehow it just makes sense.
Snot again!
No, it'snot again. Just the follow up.
After draining my brain via snot I felt clearer, more serene. Emptied of distractions. I was able to focus more clearly and felt oddly steady, considering how I felt during the Snot-fest.
I picked up Rudolph Ballentine's book "Radical Healing" and turned to the section on allergies. At one point it said that hay fever type allergies were "guilty relationship with mother nature." I took that to be old stuff about feeling allergic to my environment. Now that "stuff" is really deep in those babyhood cells, making it's way to the surface. Also, post nasal drip was something about internal weeping about not being able or allowed to connect with your spiritual source/aspect. Sure made sense to me since my big thing as a kid was this intense feeling of homesickness, even when I was home. I would often cry to myself "I want to go home." Now that i've found home, I don't feel it in the same way. But there is still a longing, a pain, a weeping if you will, around that. Hard to explain, and that's as much as I'm going to share right now about that.
All that from a bunch of snot?
Yep.
After draining my brain via snot I felt clearer, more serene. Emptied of distractions. I was able to focus more clearly and felt oddly steady, considering how I felt during the Snot-fest.
I picked up Rudolph Ballentine's book "Radical Healing" and turned to the section on allergies. At one point it said that hay fever type allergies were "guilty relationship with mother nature." I took that to be old stuff about feeling allergic to my environment. Now that "stuff" is really deep in those babyhood cells, making it's way to the surface. Also, post nasal drip was something about internal weeping about not being able or allowed to connect with your spiritual source/aspect. Sure made sense to me since my big thing as a kid was this intense feeling of homesickness, even when I was home. I would often cry to myself "I want to go home." Now that i've found home, I don't feel it in the same way. But there is still a longing, a pain, a weeping if you will, around that. Hard to explain, and that's as much as I'm going to share right now about that.
All that from a bunch of snot?
Yep.
Kicking
This is my rant and I'm sticking to it. So if you don't want to hear this yogini go off, you'd best sign off for now and catch the next one.
No kicking up in headstand! Ever!
If you have to kick up, then you are not ready to do this pose. Period.
First - it is the "King of Asanas." So when in the history of mankind can anyone waltz into town and say "yo, i'm here to see the King" and get an audience? Same with headstand. It has to be earned. And when I say earned, i mean it's all about preparation. Preparing the structural body so the cervical spine is properly supported. Preparing the nervous system so the mind will remain quiet, because most of the time we fall out of a balance, including headstand, it's because the mind distracted you in some way.
The "mind" of headstand is about stillness - sthira, not about kicking up. Kicking up is energetic and is about whoops and yays and high fives (so to speak). It's more about being "out there." Headstand is about going "in there," aligning body and mind into a state of quiet balance. Both great btw - just different.
Plus, let's just look at the structural element. Kicking up implies that you don't have the goods to get there on your own. You need the added element of momentum. And unless you have enough control over your momentum that you know exactly how much of it to use, imho using the head/neck as the base of support while experimenting with this force of momentum seems sorta dumb.
So what's the rush? Students want to get there faster. Often without doing the preparation. As teachers it is our job to inspire the students to enjoy the process, so when they do eventually get into headstand, using the quietness of their own mind (strong nervous system) and the stability of their own body, it will be a glorious event. Worth waiting for. Well "earned."
Would you turn your socially mature daughter or son loose on the road at age 14 without having taken driving lessons? And would you let them drive in the city or on the freeway with one lesson under their belt? Or two? Or three even? If we can't figure out how to rock a students world, at the same time, deal with their need to get further faster, which is often ego-based at the root of this desire, then maybe we need to look at our own egos. The part of us that wants our students to get there faster. The part of our ego that is afraid that if we don't give them headstand, they'll find another teacher.
And from a students' point of view - hey - it's your neck! Do what you want! But be informed and not pressured, consciously or subconsciously. If you are encouraged just "kick up" into headstand, calmly let the teacher know that you don't think your neck is ready for it yet. And if the teacher insists that you "trust yourself and get over your fear," trust your Self and don't give your power over to that teacher. Again - it's your neck, not hers/his! And you have to live with it. It's not your job as the student to make your teacher feel successful.
So again, that's my rant. At some point kicking up into headstand was taught by someone, and possibly for a very good reason. But since that original time, it has become too rampant and I for one, am done with keeping quiet about it. (for this moment anyway). And I for one, am also tired of hearing about all these yoga-based injuries. Yoga is about healing, about union, not about making us more ill and imbalanced. And I'm still ranting....
and sticking to it
for the present moment
No kicking up in headstand! Ever!
If you have to kick up, then you are not ready to do this pose. Period.
First - it is the "King of Asanas." So when in the history of mankind can anyone waltz into town and say "yo, i'm here to see the King" and get an audience? Same with headstand. It has to be earned. And when I say earned, i mean it's all about preparation. Preparing the structural body so the cervical spine is properly supported. Preparing the nervous system so the mind will remain quiet, because most of the time we fall out of a balance, including headstand, it's because the mind distracted you in some way.
The "mind" of headstand is about stillness - sthira, not about kicking up. Kicking up is energetic and is about whoops and yays and high fives (so to speak). It's more about being "out there." Headstand is about going "in there," aligning body and mind into a state of quiet balance. Both great btw - just different.
Plus, let's just look at the structural element. Kicking up implies that you don't have the goods to get there on your own. You need the added element of momentum. And unless you have enough control over your momentum that you know exactly how much of it to use, imho using the head/neck as the base of support while experimenting with this force of momentum seems sorta dumb.
So what's the rush? Students want to get there faster. Often without doing the preparation. As teachers it is our job to inspire the students to enjoy the process, so when they do eventually get into headstand, using the quietness of their own mind (strong nervous system) and the stability of their own body, it will be a glorious event. Worth waiting for. Well "earned."
Would you turn your socially mature daughter or son loose on the road at age 14 without having taken driving lessons? And would you let them drive in the city or on the freeway with one lesson under their belt? Or two? Or three even? If we can't figure out how to rock a students world, at the same time, deal with their need to get further faster, which is often ego-based at the root of this desire, then maybe we need to look at our own egos. The part of us that wants our students to get there faster. The part of our ego that is afraid that if we don't give them headstand, they'll find another teacher.
And from a students' point of view - hey - it's your neck! Do what you want! But be informed and not pressured, consciously or subconsciously. If you are encouraged just "kick up" into headstand, calmly let the teacher know that you don't think your neck is ready for it yet. And if the teacher insists that you "trust yourself and get over your fear," trust your Self and don't give your power over to that teacher. Again - it's your neck, not hers/his! And you have to live with it. It's not your job as the student to make your teacher feel successful.
So again, that's my rant. At some point kicking up into headstand was taught by someone, and possibly for a very good reason. But since that original time, it has become too rampant and I for one, am done with keeping quiet about it. (for this moment anyway). And I for one, am also tired of hearing about all these yoga-based injuries. Yoga is about healing, about union, not about making us more ill and imbalanced. And I'm still ranting....
and sticking to it
for the present moment
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
no it's not!
or is it snot?
when it feels like a veritable spigot that when opened has an infinite liquid source and it's coming out of my nose, I can't help but think - is it really snot?
I have had this type of hay fever allergy stuff as far as I can remember. Yes, I have tried diet, homeopathy, doing nothing, herbs, otc medicine, Rxs, and now shots. So at this point, i can either say, "jean, some healer you are! you cant even heal yourself!" or i can go deeper, look for a bigger picture that makes sense.
This is what I know - liquid is the medium of the emotional body. There is a long story behind that, but I dont really feel like going into it right now. I know that tears and snot share the same waterways, and that their origin is the same. So am I crying out my nose? Crying for all that past pain? Crying for the present pain? Crying for help? Crying for fun?
Or is it my thoughts, melting out of my brain, running out my nose, clearing my head of extraneous goop that distracts me from who i really am?
And why is it that when I am totally still, the symptoms get less and less, and it's activity that stirs the pot?
From those points of view, no, it's not. Or it snot.
when it feels like a veritable spigot that when opened has an infinite liquid source and it's coming out of my nose, I can't help but think - is it really snot?
I have had this type of hay fever allergy stuff as far as I can remember. Yes, I have tried diet, homeopathy, doing nothing, herbs, otc medicine, Rxs, and now shots. So at this point, i can either say, "jean, some healer you are! you cant even heal yourself!" or i can go deeper, look for a bigger picture that makes sense.
This is what I know - liquid is the medium of the emotional body. There is a long story behind that, but I dont really feel like going into it right now. I know that tears and snot share the same waterways, and that their origin is the same. So am I crying out my nose? Crying for all that past pain? Crying for the present pain? Crying for help? Crying for fun?
Or is it my thoughts, melting out of my brain, running out my nose, clearing my head of extraneous goop that distracts me from who i really am?
And why is it that when I am totally still, the symptoms get less and less, and it's activity that stirs the pot?
From those points of view, no, it's not. Or it snot.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Willing
What are we willing? It is said that things sometimes get done by sheer will. In that way, we are willing something to happen.
Change can be tough. So it seems that the operative question is, "are we willing to change?" in that, yes, in order to do something other than what our habits dictate, we sometimes need to "will" it. Willpower. The will to live. A living will. Will it happen? Will I change?
It will if I will it. And God willing never hurts either.
Change can be tough. So it seems that the operative question is, "are we willing to change?" in that, yes, in order to do something other than what our habits dictate, we sometimes need to "will" it. Willpower. The will to live. A living will. Will it happen? Will I change?
It will if I will it. And God willing never hurts either.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
A giant fan
Went to the clinch game tonight. It was awesome. I think I might be a giants fan...
What struck me was how unifying the whole experience was. All those people, putting energy into a common goal ( with the exception of the occasional Padres fan. So I mention to John that i might want to get a big orange sweatshirt, being a new fan and all. But what it really was, was the desire to be a part of something bigger than myself. A desire to be part of a Whole. So now I get it. That's part of what the whole "fan" thing is. Another way to remember that the Whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
A a giant fan of the Whole. And I still might get a sweatshirt. Or a gnome...
What struck me was how unifying the whole experience was. All those people, putting energy into a common goal ( with the exception of the occasional Padres fan. So I mention to John that i might want to get a big orange sweatshirt, being a new fan and all. But what it really was, was the desire to be a part of something bigger than myself. A desire to be part of a Whole. So now I get it. That's part of what the whole "fan" thing is. Another way to remember that the Whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
A a giant fan of the Whole. And I still might get a sweatshirt. Or a gnome...
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Dare to be
Dare to be. Dare to be effortless. Dare to be the one who doesn't have something to complain about every single moment of every single day. Dare to be the one who can say "yeah, i got this. i totally understand and i can do it in my sleep," instead of needing to prove how hard you work, and to defend and justify your job. (Hey - just because it's easy for YOU doesn't mean anyone else can do it!) Dare to be the one to say, " yeah, i got this, i totally understand -- NEXT!" when it comes to relationship struggles, life lessons, spiritual development. Dare to embrace what we've been working for, "practicing" all of our lives up until this moment in time. Embrace the fruits of your labor. But wait! Yoga says that in order to reach enlightenment, you must give up the fruits of your labor. Yes, but until you acknowledge that you have something valuable to give away (your fruits), then you aren't really giving anything up in the first place.
Dare to be effortless. And watch yourself cease to fit in. Then what? Can we give up the fruits of that labor? The fruits of the friends we've cultivated, the life we've created, the place for ourselves in that life that we've created? Are we willing to give that up and not fit in, in order to embrace what we've been working for our whole life?
Dare to be effortless. I double dare you.
And let me know how it turns out. Seriously, I'd like to know.
hari om tat sat
Dare to be effortless. And watch yourself cease to fit in. Then what? Can we give up the fruits of that labor? The fruits of the friends we've cultivated, the life we've created, the place for ourselves in that life that we've created? Are we willing to give that up and not fit in, in order to embrace what we've been working for our whole life?
Dare to be effortless. I double dare you.
And let me know how it turns out. Seriously, I'd like to know.
hari om tat sat
Shakti
Power. Light. Agni. Fire. Prana. Kundalini. Divine force. Love.
Do we have what it takes to cultivate shakti? To become consciously aware of the power of our own light, without the veils and trappings of logic, thought constructs, ego?
We are complete. The shakti is there regardless of our relationship to it. Whether or not we choose to get to know it, become one with it, ignore or deny it- those choices are there, but we can't choose to have it, because that is who we are.
Do we have what it takes to cultivate shakti? To become consciously aware of the power of our own light, without the veils and trappings of logic, thought constructs, ego?
We are complete. The shakti is there regardless of our relationship to it. Whether or not we choose to get to know it, become one with it, ignore or deny it- those choices are there, but we can't choose to have it, because that is who we are.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Virtual blog
What if it seemed like the day was so full that you must have blogged, but then you realize that you just blogged in your mind? Virtual blogging. So instead of physically writing all the posts I wrote in my mind today, just feel what I said. Yes, use your feeling body and tune in to that which was felt and not actually written/ spoken. And btw- its definitely out there. And maybe in a much purer, clearer format.
This may be the start of the next big thing. Virtual blogging.
This may be the start of the next big thing. Virtual blogging.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Resting
came across this quote today from the Himalayan Institute:
#Meditation is a precise technique for resting the mind and fathoming all levels of ourselves. ~ Swami Rama
I started riffing on this in my own mind, and was thinking (not resting the mind at all btw!) that by resting the mind, we create space to fathom our big S Self. And if our mind was busy fathoming it's Self, we probably wouldn't really need to rest it.
So when we say "give it a rest" in our daily life, we are usually referring to a bunch of BS that we don't want to hear about, deal with, think about etc... any more. Same with our mind. So "give it a rest" from the busy Bs (read as either BS or bees - your choice) and give it some space for clarity. The clarity that comes from stepping back from the drama, the habits, the things that make us tired. So when we are tired, what are we tired of? Our little S self perhaps?
There is the other aspect that comes from the state of rest - fathoming all levels of ourselves. All of ourselves. Meaning more that one. That's one mighty big picture. And btw - i'm not saying that it's in the rule book that we have to quiet the mind as a pre-requisite for fathoming. Read the quote for your Self and draw your own conclusions. Or better, skip the conclusions altogether and give it a rest.
I started riffing on this in my own mind, and was thinking (not resting the mind at all btw!) that by resting the mind, we create space to fathom our big S Self. And if our mind was busy fathoming it's Self, we probably wouldn't really need to rest it.
So when we say "give it a rest" in our daily life, we are usually referring to a bunch of BS that we don't want to hear about, deal with, think about etc... any more. Same with our mind. So "give it a rest" from the busy Bs (read as either BS or bees - your choice) and give it some space for clarity. The clarity that comes from stepping back from the drama, the habits, the things that make us tired. So when we are tired, what are we tired of? Our little S self perhaps?
There is the other aspect that comes from the state of rest - fathoming all levels of ourselves. All of ourselves. Meaning more that one. That's one mighty big picture. And btw - i'm not saying that it's in the rule book that we have to quiet the mind as a pre-requisite for fathoming. Read the quote for your Self and draw your own conclusions. Or better, skip the conclusions altogether and give it a rest.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
end of an era -- part 2
Still feeling it. The end of an era.
One thing that has changed is the house where we live. It started with a few projects over the years, climaxed about the time we re-did the kitchen (which is awesome), then continued the living space and basically have all the "hard" work, structural, heavy lifting stuff done in the yard as of last Friday.
No wonder I wanted to stay in my PJs all day Saturday. It's like taking time to "stand, close eyes, and feel" like we do in yoga class.
So there's that. And more. Perhaps a part 3...
but for now, the end of this era, the era of today, is going to sign off computer-land.
nite nite
One thing that has changed is the house where we live. It started with a few projects over the years, climaxed about the time we re-did the kitchen (which is awesome), then continued the living space and basically have all the "hard" work, structural, heavy lifting stuff done in the yard as of last Friday.
No wonder I wanted to stay in my PJs all day Saturday. It's like taking time to "stand, close eyes, and feel" like we do in yoga class.
So there's that. And more. Perhaps a part 3...
but for now, the end of this era, the era of today, is going to sign off computer-land.
nite nite
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Wasted
Today I did nothing. I stayed in my pajamas, watched a bunch of sitcoms, and petted my dog. I did not live up to the expectation of my mother who wanted me to be "a productive member of society." I was about as unproductive as a person can be. I did not clean the kitchen. I did not do laundry. I did not do yoga. I did floss, however, but only because I wanted to. And I asked myself, if I were to die right now would I regret having not done all those " life affirming" things? Nope. I would have regretted not doing a day of not doing however.
No judgement on how we do or not do. We can't mess up. Are we ready to be true to the voice inside even though it may say things that we don't think it could possibly say? The voice inside doesn't play by our self-imposed or socially conditioned rules. And when we really listen and follow through, it feels unmistakably amazing to have hung out with our big S Self for a day.
Thank you.
No judgement on how we do or not do. We can't mess up. Are we ready to be true to the voice inside even though it may say things that we don't think it could possibly say? The voice inside doesn't play by our self-imposed or socially conditioned rules. And when we really listen and follow through, it feels unmistakably amazing to have hung out with our big S Self for a day.
Thank you.
Grass
The grass is always greener, unless you are the other side of the fence. Maybe you are the greener grass.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Tomatoes
I love them. The ones this year at our place have very thick skins, but the flesh is quite sweet. Yes, the flesh is quite sweet, but the thick skins are quite off-putting. So, to all you sweet things out there, thick skins may help you survive, but at what cost?
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Smarana
Smarana - remembrance.
Panditji asks the question "How do I remember what I just forgot?" When did we forget who we really are?
Ok - right. The big response to this could be - I am who I am. Just like Popeye the Sailor Man. So if we are Popeye, what is our Spinach? What is it that magically turns us into the superhuman beings that we really are? Because if we stick to our guns and say "yes, i am this physical body goddammit so leave me the Eff alone" then in fact we are that physical body etc...
But look at Popeye. He was unashamed to be the ugly sailor. The dude who was way less than macho, attractive, desirable, or even normal. He was the dude who dared to own his individual-ness, his unique-ness, and his need to eat spinach-ness. The whole package. He lived in the physical world as a superhuman, yet was dependent on something else to access his innate abilities.
What is our spinach? What is it that allows us to access our superhuman innate inherent "normal" abilities? Perhaps that is the yoga. Perhaps that is our quest. Making the impossible dream possible is finding our spinach.
Food for thought...
Panditji asks the question "How do I remember what I just forgot?" When did we forget who we really are?
Ok - right. The big response to this could be - I am who I am. Just like Popeye the Sailor Man. So if we are Popeye, what is our Spinach? What is it that magically turns us into the superhuman beings that we really are? Because if we stick to our guns and say "yes, i am this physical body goddammit so leave me the Eff alone" then in fact we are that physical body etc...
But look at Popeye. He was unashamed to be the ugly sailor. The dude who was way less than macho, attractive, desirable, or even normal. He was the dude who dared to own his individual-ness, his unique-ness, and his need to eat spinach-ness. The whole package. He lived in the physical world as a superhuman, yet was dependent on something else to access his innate abilities.
What is our spinach? What is it that allows us to access our superhuman innate inherent "normal" abilities? Perhaps that is the yoga. Perhaps that is our quest. Making the impossible dream possible is finding our spinach.
Food for thought...
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
end of an era - part 1
I feel that we are coming to an end of an era. I don't exactly know what is ending, but the shift is happening right here, right now. It's as if a new paradigm is emerging, and has been emerging, yet so slowly, gradually, seamlessly, that if we weren't paying attention, we may not have even noticed that we've changed.
This is also like growth in our individual lives. Perhaps like enlightenment. Each time we have a paradigm shift, an awakening, a new point of view, a lesson truly learned, we are never the same. Yet, we may not notice the significance of the change. We may gloss over it, ignore it, even try to rationalize or talk ourselves out of it. And for what? To keep us fully grounded in the status quo? To keep us safe? To keep us from realizing how awesome we are?
Noticing the miracles, no matter how small, acknowledging the shifts, the wins, the growth, no matter how seemingly insignificant. All these add up to a big picture, a huge picture, a limitless point of view full of limitless possibilities. And the shift is - we actually believe it. And eventually we actually Know it.
The end of the era. It's been coming my whole life. Since the beginning of time. Each day, each moment, ends some era, somewhere. And when I find out what tomorrow has to offer, this era will also be over.
This is also like growth in our individual lives. Perhaps like enlightenment. Each time we have a paradigm shift, an awakening, a new point of view, a lesson truly learned, we are never the same. Yet, we may not notice the significance of the change. We may gloss over it, ignore it, even try to rationalize or talk ourselves out of it. And for what? To keep us fully grounded in the status quo? To keep us safe? To keep us from realizing how awesome we are?
Noticing the miracles, no matter how small, acknowledging the shifts, the wins, the growth, no matter how seemingly insignificant. All these add up to a big picture, a huge picture, a limitless point of view full of limitless possibilities. And the shift is - we actually believe it. And eventually we actually Know it.
The end of the era. It's been coming my whole life. Since the beginning of time. Each day, each moment, ends some era, somewhere. And when I find out what tomorrow has to offer, this era will also be over.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Books
I love to buy books. I love to think that I'm going to read those books. I like to think that by reading those books, I'm going to be the master, the owner of the knowledge inside those books. But let's face it. I'm not that person. I like to read novels. I like to read novels because I like to feel inside the imagination of a writer. When it comes to book learnin,' I like to feel the information too. So unless it's opening my mind, or expanding my point of view, I'm not that interested. I don't care about being able to quote the geniuses enough to memorize quotes. And when I do memorize a quote of a genius, like yoga sutra 2:48, then it has a relevance to me and life that is worth memorizing.
Some may call me shallow. I thought people thought I was shallow because of my relationship to reading "facts." I liked thinking better than reading, and in my eyes, I wasn't shallow. Just different. Paddling upstream at times, but now I'm fine with the current. I'm fine with sticking my neck out on a limb, pontificating without obvious backup of a book or expert. That has been my path. I might as well embrace it. Or start reading... Or surround myself with really smart, book-learned friends. Or something else I haven't thought of yet.
Some may call me shallow. I thought people thought I was shallow because of my relationship to reading "facts." I liked thinking better than reading, and in my eyes, I wasn't shallow. Just different. Paddling upstream at times, but now I'm fine with the current. I'm fine with sticking my neck out on a limb, pontificating without obvious backup of a book or expert. That has been my path. I might as well embrace it. Or start reading... Or surround myself with really smart, book-learned friends. Or something else I haven't thought of yet.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
truth be told
truth be told. truth be told. who's telling? who's truth? what's being told?
yes, we all want to know the Truth, and we listen. look, hope, dream that someone will tell us what the real Truth is. And we are trying to tell the Truth. But we can only speak our individual Truth.
Truth be told, we can only speak from our own experience and our own Knowingness.
Wow - I just wanted to go to town on a whole dissertation on Knowingness from the Present Moment vs knowingness from past fear, and I realized that it doesn't matter from which mountain i pontificate from because it's my Truth, not yours, and I can only hope and pray that your Truth leads you to a place where you love yourself enough to believe in your Self from a place of Self not the little "s" self that wants to play big boss in the world of You/Me/Us/the World.
Truth be told. Well, it's your truth. but what in that "truth" is true for you? how much of it is "true" because people told you it was true? How much of it is "true" because that place inside your Self, your "soul" if you will, tells you that it's true in spite of the physical evidence?
All I can say is this - if it's True, you Know it. And you aren't afraid to test it, and discard it if you find that there is a deeper Truth than the one that was told.
truth be told. tell your Self. Let your Self tell you. Truth is told. Truth is always told. Can we hear it? That is the question to the answer.
yes, we all want to know the Truth, and we listen. look, hope, dream that someone will tell us what the real Truth is. And we are trying to tell the Truth. But we can only speak our individual Truth.
Truth be told, we can only speak from our own experience and our own Knowingness.
Wow - I just wanted to go to town on a whole dissertation on Knowingness from the Present Moment vs knowingness from past fear, and I realized that it doesn't matter from which mountain i pontificate from because it's my Truth, not yours, and I can only hope and pray that your Truth leads you to a place where you love yourself enough to believe in your Self from a place of Self not the little "s" self that wants to play big boss in the world of You/Me/Us/the World.
Truth be told. Well, it's your truth. but what in that "truth" is true for you? how much of it is "true" because people told you it was true? How much of it is "true" because that place inside your Self, your "soul" if you will, tells you that it's true in spite of the physical evidence?
All I can say is this - if it's True, you Know it. And you aren't afraid to test it, and discard it if you find that there is a deeper Truth than the one that was told.
truth be told. tell your Self. Let your Self tell you. Truth is told. Truth is always told. Can we hear it? That is the question to the answer.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
why we do it
i was brought in to help lead some yoga for people who had walked 20 miles in one day for breast cancer research. Yes, the Susan G Komen 3 day event.
What was so great about it? The people of course. Helping people 1 on 1 or in small groups as they came in from their walk. Some had back pain from sleeping on the ground. Others blisters. Others just pain in general. Others, they just wanted to feel better. Meeting everyone where they were, asking how I could be of service, letting them know that there is no right and wrong in yoga, and reminding them that they can't mess up, that their voice is worth hearing, and that it's ok to listen to their own voice, walk to their unique drum.
And laugh. Providing a space where they can lighten their load, lighten up physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Even just to hang out and lay on a mat enjoying the sunshine.
Yes, that's what I do. Why I do it? The Love. Because I feel a love that is impossible to express in words. A connection without attachment.
Bhakti.
testing
My teacher of many years, Dennis Adams, would repeatedly say "it either works or it doesn't." He would say this, from his personal experience, with regards to the spiritual teachings. He was not afraid to test any of them, even if it was something he was teaching, he empowered us all to take the teachings into our own hands and see for ourselves. And have our own experiences. So we might all be able to speak from a place of our own truth, not someone else's. And because of this, we leave the space for everyone to have their own experiences, draw their own conclusions, raise their own questions, and no matter what, be able to speak from a place of experience, not a place of regurgitating a teaching because it sounded like a good idea. Not that that is necessarily a bad idea. As long as it's Your idea.
So are we ready to put our beliefs to the test? I say, now is a good time. The stakes are relatively low. Armageddon isn't happening in this moment (at least this moment of me writing) so what are we waiting for? If our beliefs don't work out, at least we know! We've been able to test drive, and find another vehicle if necessary.
And btw - even if the test outcomes aren't what we thought they should be, that doesn't mean anything. What means something is, what do we feel/know as a result of the "test?" Even the outcomes are only valid for ourselves when we analyze them from our own truth.
So, when life gets to that place where we have the choice between doing what we think is the "logical" and "safe" and proven choice, maybe ask ourselves - how does this fit in with my beliefs about my True Nature, my big S Self? And am i ready to put the teachings and my Self to the test?
So are we ready to put our beliefs to the test? I say, now is a good time. The stakes are relatively low. Armageddon isn't happening in this moment (at least this moment of me writing) so what are we waiting for? If our beliefs don't work out, at least we know! We've been able to test drive, and find another vehicle if necessary.
And btw - even if the test outcomes aren't what we thought they should be, that doesn't mean anything. What means something is, what do we feel/know as a result of the "test?" Even the outcomes are only valid for ourselves when we analyze them from our own truth.
So, when life gets to that place where we have the choice between doing what we think is the "logical" and "safe" and proven choice, maybe ask ourselves - how does this fit in with my beliefs about my True Nature, my big S Self? And am i ready to put the teachings and my Self to the test?
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Bhakti
Pandit Rajmani Tigunait says that true Bhakti is "the discomfort of not being able to express our gratitude to that which gives to us." He goes on to call this inability to express this love and gratitude as a "joyful burden."
It's true. We sometimes say we "love so much it hurts." It's because true love (not "true love" as in your perfect match with another zodiac sign), true love cannot be expressed physically because it's non-physical. We are at a loss for words to express it. There is nothing we can really do to show it. We can't hug someone enough, kiss someone enough, give to someone enough, to express the depth of what is in our hearts.
I know I'm not the only person who has felt this longing, this inadequacy, this joyfully painful inability to express such a deep and profound feeling. And in those moments, whether i'm laughing or crying, sitting or dancing, doing or being, it still feels the same somehow. Loving life. Loving love. Loving.
A couple of months ago, I was visiting my mom in Phoenix, and she suggested we watch a movie. From her vast collection of VHS tapes (less that 10), there was one that wasn't animated. It was the story of St Francis of Assisi. I remember the actress playing Claire, St Francis's female friend, appeal to Frank to let her join his loving band of brothers. She said that she wanted to be the one who seeks to understand over being understood. The one who seeks to love over being loved. That scene has stuck with me, especially when I feel like "why doesn't so and so love me..." or "why doesn't so and so understand me." That's when I remind myself to be the one to love, the one to understand.
And from there, Bhakti. Devotion to something bigger. And the discomfort of not being able to express it.
It's true. We sometimes say we "love so much it hurts." It's because true love (not "true love" as in your perfect match with another zodiac sign), true love cannot be expressed physically because it's non-physical. We are at a loss for words to express it. There is nothing we can really do to show it. We can't hug someone enough, kiss someone enough, give to someone enough, to express the depth of what is in our hearts.
I know I'm not the only person who has felt this longing, this inadequacy, this joyfully painful inability to express such a deep and profound feeling. And in those moments, whether i'm laughing or crying, sitting or dancing, doing or being, it still feels the same somehow. Loving life. Loving love. Loving.
A couple of months ago, I was visiting my mom in Phoenix, and she suggested we watch a movie. From her vast collection of VHS tapes (less that 10), there was one that wasn't animated. It was the story of St Francis of Assisi. I remember the actress playing Claire, St Francis's female friend, appeal to Frank to let her join his loving band of brothers. She said that she wanted to be the one who seeks to understand over being understood. The one who seeks to love over being loved. That scene has stuck with me, especially when I feel like "why doesn't so and so love me..." or "why doesn't so and so understand me." That's when I remind myself to be the one to love, the one to understand.
And from there, Bhakti. Devotion to something bigger. And the discomfort of not being able to express it.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
fog
Been foggy. Feeling foggy? Is it the subtle winds from the hurricanes? Is it just the afterglow of Labor Day weekend? Or maybe it's just fog.
Is it ever just fog?
Is it ever just fog?
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Anger v Sadness
I was listening to a lecture by Panditji, and he framed the whole sadness-anger-sadness continuum from a different point of view.
I was always "taught" through therapy, spiritual study, and self-help books that the root of anger is sorrow. Panditji suggests the reverse, that if we don't have an outlet for our anger, we get depressed and give up. Without expression, our anger, which is a call to action, rajasic, movement oriented emotion, will drive us right into the state of total non-action, inertia, giving up, aka depression.
It makes sense. The anger would come from a place of self-preservation, a reaction. If anger comes from sorrow, it would mean that there is movement in sadness - some call to action, and yet, most people that i have observed, myself included, aren't really up for doing anything except mope.
So when did we start turning it around? Was it because no one wanted to deal with the strength of the force of anger so they said to "look deeper" in order to let the anger lead us into a more tamasic, inactive place where the others in the room weren't in danger of being hit by the anger? Now that's a self-preservation technique for you! Blame sadness for the anger, then we won't go looking for the anger, we'll go looker "deeper" for the sadness, which could actually be the result of unexpressed anger. That gives me some real food for thought.
I was always "taught" through therapy, spiritual study, and self-help books that the root of anger is sorrow. Panditji suggests the reverse, that if we don't have an outlet for our anger, we get depressed and give up. Without expression, our anger, which is a call to action, rajasic, movement oriented emotion, will drive us right into the state of total non-action, inertia, giving up, aka depression.
It makes sense. The anger would come from a place of self-preservation, a reaction. If anger comes from sorrow, it would mean that there is movement in sadness - some call to action, and yet, most people that i have observed, myself included, aren't really up for doing anything except mope.
So when did we start turning it around? Was it because no one wanted to deal with the strength of the force of anger so they said to "look deeper" in order to let the anger lead us into a more tamasic, inactive place where the others in the room weren't in danger of being hit by the anger? Now that's a self-preservation technique for you! Blame sadness for the anger, then we won't go looking for the anger, we'll go looker "deeper" for the sadness, which could actually be the result of unexpressed anger. That gives me some real food for thought.
Monday, September 3, 2012
A whole hole
I love it that Whole and Hole are homonyms. I love that they are practically opposites. I also love that the ultimate Hole, the Black Hole, is thought of in the scientific community to be a place without volume (volume = zero), yet it has infinite density. It is gravitational singularity - the Whole. The contents of the Black Hole is also called a "solution." Not only does it imply some sort of liquid, churning, mixing state where everything dissolves into One, but it also implies that there is a solution - an answer.
Are we ready to give up the holes in ourselves, the places of attachment that rip the fabric of our Being and make it harder to free fall into the One? Are we ready to give up the "I" of it all? The further we get from being locked into duality, the further we wander towards the Black Hole, until at one point, the pull becomes so great, time gets so expanded as we are stretched between 2 realities that we can either keep fighting it, which results in turmoil and pain, or we can let go and let God. Or whatever you want to call It. You know I love bringing in a tired old cliche right about now, and that One did the trick.
And thank you Panditji for the insights around Black Holes and gravitational singularity. Macro (brahmanda) and micro (pindanda).
Are we ready to give up the holes in ourselves, the places of attachment that rip the fabric of our Being and make it harder to free fall into the One? Are we ready to give up the "I" of it all? The further we get from being locked into duality, the further we wander towards the Black Hole, until at one point, the pull becomes so great, time gets so expanded as we are stretched between 2 realities that we can either keep fighting it, which results in turmoil and pain, or we can let go and let God. Or whatever you want to call It. You know I love bringing in a tired old cliche right about now, and that One did the trick.
And thank you Panditji for the insights around Black Holes and gravitational singularity. Macro (brahmanda) and micro (pindanda).
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Karma check
Karma- the chains that bind. How are we doing about breaking those chains? Simple way to check: what bugs you? What gets your goat? What makes you want to point fingers, feel justified, make excuses, apologize, punish, crawl into a hole, rub it in someones face? Any of those means there might be a karmic tie there... Just sayin'
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Hunger games
What are we really hungry for? Good question. Worth answering. What id like to know is why the title of the event in the same-called movie was the hunger games. Were they just hungry to stay alive? Or was it the hunger of the spectator being fed? Maybe it's just one of those things that gets lost when transitioning from book to movie. Can you imagine how much else gets lost when there aren't billions and millions of dollars Invested to make sure no wires get crossed?
Yes. I'll have my people call your people, because people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. If that is luck or not. Like the hunger games.
Yes. I'll have my people call your people, because people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. If that is luck or not. Like the hunger games.
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