Abundant and Super Bloody Blue

Morning Blood Moon
Super Moon
Blue Moon
Super Bloody,
Super
And Blue
and then I get to see the Fullness of Her tonight as well.

Pretty spectacular.

There is just something magical about having a day book-ended with a Moon Glow.

Another example of the Universe demonstrating it's abundance.

Doing it differently might look like seeing abundance more often throughout the day. What is being offered? What Is, instead of What Could Be. What Is is abundant. What Could Be might move closer towards scarcity.

Just sayin...

To Change or Not to Change

When we can't NOT change, is when we finally change. 

Doing It Differently - or am I?

An indicator that I'm not #doingitdifferentlyin2018 is when I feel really unmotivated, uninspired, or general fatigue/bad attitude/stress around doing the same old same old. Ironically, I can feel similar sensations around doing something differently. Then the "work" or the "experiment" becomes observing how these sensations/emotions/reactions are similar and how they are different. After I've compiled and analyzed my findings, I can better see if I'm actually #doingindifferentlyin2018 or if I'm just uncomfortable with the New.

And sometimes maybe it's just as simple as a new paint job (referencing last 2 fire hydrant blogs). It could be actual paint, or it could be some other seemingly simple external modification or change. And that might be just the ticket! At the very least, it could provide some much needed inspiration or space to a bigger shift. 

If Orange is the New Black...

Then is this black????

just askin...

And when do all the colors become "the new" of other colors? 

When do the Plain Bellied Sneeches and Star Bellied Sneeches lose track of the plain-bellied or star-bellied and they just become Sneeches? It happens in Dr. Suess. And sometimes things in books come true. 

just sayin...

The New Red?

Could it be the new red? Doing it differently in 2018.

Just sayin...

Gone Rogue

Yes. I've gone Rogue for the weekend. I've left beloved California behind and am enjoying some rainy R and R in the Rogue Valley. Fireplace included. Put that in your blog and smoke it.

Well, I guess you can do that here as well... 😜  But I'll just enjoy the juxtaposition of fire and rain and call it a night. 

No is the New Yes

Warning: If you are a person who already says NO all the time, then this may not apply. 

No is the the new Yes. Or at least it can be.

If you are a person who habitually says "yes" to others, and you find yourself tired, worn out, and depleted on a regular basis, then for you, "No" is your new "yes."

When you say No to someone asking you to do something, join something, head something, organize something, you are saying YES to yourself. Yes, to considering whether or not it's something you really want to do. Yes to doing it differently. Yes to discovering more of what feeds you, and that NO (which is your new Yes),  can give you more energy to say yes to others so you don't deplete yourself.

Remember that when you are saying YES to something, you are saying NO to something else. So when you say NO to something, you are saying YES to something else. And once you make a decision, you can always change your mind...

Breathe

Watch the waves of your life as Fullness comes and goes. Opportunities come and go. Good times come and go. Bad times come and go.

It's all Breath. So as you acknowledge your life, acknowledge whether it is inhaling or exhaling and delight in the fact that we need both in order to keep living.

To Bitch or to Moan?

Once again I awaken to a day where I have nothing to complain about. And agin, I could always find something, and I'm glad in this moment I'm choosing not to.

To Post or Not to Post

Day is almost done. And here I am posting. What I've been noticing is how little I have to say these days. So do I post because I said I would, because it's a "practice," a "discipline?"

yes. i post anyway. and let go of needing to be brilliant. Because the practice is what is brilliant.

The Truth in Sh*t

Awareness in a nutshell -

Once you know it's totally uncool to poop your pants, you can't go back to pooping them.

#gethonestfaster

Is It Juicy and Sustainable?

The juiciness and richness that comes from tasting your food. From tasting your practice. For becoming a connoisseur of yoga. Moving from yoga fast food to yoga fine dining. I can really get behind being that kind of chef. “Serving up yoga, one breath at a time.”

When I first started doing yoga (decades ago), it wasn’t about how many poses I could cram into an hour long session. It was about how many breaths I could remain still in a posture. I remember getting all excited when it was something like “I held Trikonasana for 10 breaths 6 counts in, 6 counts out.”

The numbers may not be exact, but you get the idea. It was about how long I could sustain inhale and exhale, and then how long I could sustain that pattern in an asana. I guess I was all about a sustainable practice! And if you think about it, isn’t part of the essence of yoga having a sustainable practice?

Back in the olden days, the really olden days, say 10,000 or so years ago, it was about how long you could stay alive in order to be able to keep doing your yoga practice to give you more time to get enlightened.  Now it seems like the life of a yogi is as long as they can sustain a rigorous practice until the body starts to break down. Reminds me of my dancer days. Dancers have a limited professional lifespan. At some point the body says, “I’m not into playing this way anymore.” There are exceptions – Martha Graham and Merce Cunningham were performing well into their 60s, 70s. And quite frankly, it showed. I had the honor of seeing Merce perform at that age, and it looked like he was in pain. Same with Martha.

Are we approaching our yoga practice as something that we can sustain over the long haul? I’m not saying not to do extreme postures. I’m saying that it’s how you do them. Dharma Mittra does the most wack poses, and he’s 70! But his attitude is humbling. He surrenders each pose he does “for the Lord.” I’m not talking Jesus Christ here, but for the Lord of Life. (Lord is a loaded word, but I wanted to quote him exactly). You can fill in your picture of “Lord” with whatever you want. Whatever you revere. Whatever it is that gave you your essence,  your life as your essential You.  He surrenders everything he does. Patanjali would call it “offering up the fruits of your practice.”

How many of us are offering up the fruits of our practice to something other than a flat abdomen, really cut arms, or the ability to do poses that no one else can do, all of which sets us apart from the pack, making us essentially “greater than,” “more desirable,” or from a teacher’s point of view, “more popular” which translates as “I’m a really good yoga teacher. “

I also fell into that trap. For a while. And I enjoyed it. It only became a trap when I kept on insisting that I practice that way, when every fiber of my being was begging me to stop and re-connect with what yoga really meant to me. To reconnect with why I did it in the first place. And that reason was all about laghavam – lightness. I wanted to feel light, be light, turn to light. I was no longer feeling light. I was feeling hurt, tight, competitive, and easily excitable. I was not able to sustain that kind of practice.

Then I took a class from Rod Stryker at a Yoga Journal conference about 12ish years ago. The theme was sthirah and sukha. (YS 2:46 Sthirah sukham asanam). I remembered my roots. I remembered my stillness. I remembered the beauty of the long, steady hold. I remembered what the heck I was doing there in the first place!

That practice changed my practice. Forever. I remembered. 

So, in order to sustain our practice, we must find something there that is lasting, rewarding, that doesn’t fade with age. It’s not about the poses. It’s not about restorative vs power yoga. It’s about finding what is the real juice, the real flavor of the practice that sustains us. It’s about finding that which can provide us with nutrients in a way that inspires us to be able to bite into life and let the juiciness of it all run down our face. To delight in each bite, whether bitter or sweet.

Thank you all who have taught me, and those who continue to teach me, and remind me to sit down when I’m eating, and to chew my food slowly enough to taste and digest it. 

Is less really more?

If less is more, then would more be less?

The Accountability Challenge

The question of "accountability" came up in our Transformational Tuesday sangha a couple of days ago. The discussion was around #doingitdifferentlyin2018, the process of discerning what it is we want, and then what it is we really want. A very Sri being brought up the topic of internal accountability and the question of being accountable to one's Self. In my bombastic way, I proceeded to say that I am essentially not into the word "accountability." Thank God, someone else clarified and said, "you don't mean that people shouldn't be accountable for their actions, for example, drunk drivers," and I said, yes, I'm not talking about "accountability" in that way. I'm talking about accountability to our Selves. The concept of accountability to our internal dynamic, our internal choices and decisions, and how we may use "accountability" as a way to keep beating ourselves up for the choices we make or don't make.

I loved the discussion and kept having it inside of myself yesterday. Perhaps I can be clearer when I talk about this "internal accountability."

On Tuesday, I went on my rampage about how I don't like how we can use this buzz word, accountability, as another excuse to beat ourselves up, and for us to keep using a reward and punishment system on ourselves. My intention around the rampage was to open the door to find a new way to motivate and inspire ourselves that is based less on reward/punishment, and more on unconditional love, being really honest with ourselves, and using each decision we make as a way to really learn and understand ourselves more clearly. I went on to talk about things like "30 day meditation challenges" and how these external accountability campaigns might be a quick fix, but might not result in lasting change. And the things we really, REALLY want - well, I'm pretty sure we are looking for lasting change.

After class, I went on to think about those 30 day meditation challenges, running programs, diet programs, addiction programs, etc... and how they offer an important service - community, support, and accountability - as we practice the change we seek.  These external accountability programs can be used as a technique to help us get into a new habit. In Sanskrit, we use the word "alambana" which can mean "support, foundation, sustaining." So I say YES to the external accountability offerings out there! Yes to support! Yes to community!

But wait! There's more! It doesn't stop there. It doesn't stop at the end of 30 days (or whatever the challenge time frame was). The accountability I was talking about that caused me to go off on all this in the first place, was that perhaps we have gotten so focussed and used to the external challenge offerings that hit the inbox of our senses on a daily basis, that we might have lost sight of the place of deep and lasting change, which comes from within.

So the question I pose is, after the challenge is done, do you still have resistance to that which you challenged yourself to do? (now we are talking about internal "accountability") Ask yourself,  do I need another 30 day challenge to help me? And do I really REALLY want this? And why do I want it? Is the reason enough to inspire and motivate me? Or maybe we #gethonestfaster and discover that maybe we don't really want it badly enough right now, and that there is something else more worthy of our time and attention. And give ourselves permission to change our minds, (as we do moment to moment anyway!) and stop beating ourselves up for not doing something we think we "should" really want, or we "should" do, and have the courage to explore what it is we really REALLY want.

So the accountability challenge is one of developing a deeper relationship with your Self and understanding who and what is really driving the bus in there. And do whatever it takes to get your own ball rolling in a new direction.

Just Another Pretty Face ... book?

Is Facebook just another pretty face?

Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc... Social media. Fake news? Or the real deal? Can we really tell?  And what makes social media so different from face-to-face interaction with another human body?

Well, for one thing, I don't have to directly interact with another human in the room. I don't have to/get to see the non-verbal cues the person is giving me. I don't have to/get to see body language, hear actual tone from the voice, see what's behind the eyes. I also don't have to/get to see them emotionally check out, walk away, roll their eyes or make a face. I can be anybody. Everybody can be anybody.

Is Facebook just an air-brushed version of ourselves? 

When we see OPP (other people's posts), what are we really seeing? Whatever the person chooses to present. Whatever the person wants you to see. What we can forget, is that its not the whole picture. 

One of the tendencies many of us have, is to compare the parts of ourselves we don't want others to see (reference "From Shame to Shaman" discussion) with what we are being shown. The 2 may not match up. This is what wise woman Paula Heegaard called "comparing insides to outsides." How can our insides possibly match up to the glorious outsides of that airbrushed life we see on social media channels?

Some use Facebook as free therapy. Emotional blast here, emotional blast there, here a blast, there a blast, everywhere a blast blast...  Some post the pretty. Some post links of their personal interest. Some try to educate others. It's also a marketing tool. And more. 

What I think is important here, is to not base your personal worth on what you see on social media, and remember, what you see isn't the whole picture. It's a person's choice for that moment in time. How much does that person's choice affect you? Does it inspire you? Push your buttons? Make you think? Send you into a dark hole of self-loathing? Change your life? 

This "pretty Face"book world may be convenient. We interact when and if we want to. We can wear our heart on our sleeve. We can shout to the world what a great job we are doing. We don't even have to use words. We can just take a picture, proving how great things are. Collecting evidence of a reality that may or may not exist. 

And when we are living in the physical world of "Flesh-and-blood book", how is that going? Or are we constantly evaluating our life events as "post-worthy" or "not post-worthy?" 

I use Facebook. I know why I post. I know why I read OPPs. I check my "likes" like most of us. I appreciate seeing what old friends from around the globe are doing. I share things I want people to know about. I like looking at funny videos of goat yoga. I also like other shiny objects and pretty things that have nothing to do with staring at my computer screen or phone. But I see them for they are. Just Another Pretty Face. And we know the work that goes into making and keeping all those pretty faces...

So, great job everyone! Isn't that what we all really want?

When Doing It Differently is a Waiting Game

Who likes sitting in a waiting room? Is anyone really comfortable there? I guess if there are good magazines, or if you've trained yourself to be OK with waiting.

There is often waiting in doing it differently. Waiting for a new way to emerge, a new motivation, a new inspiration, a new point of view. And sometimes this waiting around "doing it differently" is a bit painful and requires patience. Sometimes waiting for change, and re-choosing change, even though you don't know what to "do" so you "do" nothing, can be excruciating and even depressing. So am I willing to stay in my old patterns in order to avoid this new, unfamiliar pain? The pain of waiting for an outcome that I am not sure of?

This is the big trap. The big addiction. The big fear. And maybe The Big Production. How long can you hold to your commitment to do it differently when the thrill of the "new" wears off, and the fear of the unknown sets in? Where the security of the devil that you know looks better and better, and the deep self doubt that maybe you don't really know what you are talking about, and maybe you should just "behave" and do it the way you were told, and keep the status quo alive instead of sitting with the discomfort that comes when the initial "rush" of a new commitment wears off?

This is the tapas, the stuff that transformation is made of. And the deeper the hooks, the potentially more uncomfortable the waiting game. 

Other People's Choices

Who am I to judge the choices of others? That would be playing God. And in being God, not playing, I wouldn't be judging.

3-day weekend!

So many of us have a 3-day weekend coming up with Martin Luther King Jr. Day tomorrow. What does that mean for you? More partying? More rest? More more? Less more? Or maybe take a stand inside of yourself. Stand up for your Self and what it is you really need, without expecting someone outside of yourself to "get it," to "hear you," to "see you," or to even "care." Those expectations could be disappointing (see yesterday's blog).

Take a lesson from Martin Luther King Jr. perhaps. Can we create change (internally or externally) without violence? Can we change from a place of love and integrity? Are we brave enough to even ask what that would mean - to change without coercion, violence, manipulation?

Do we need to beat ourselves up in order to change? Punish ourselves? If we use those tactics on ourselves, and we think they work, why wouldn't we use those tactics on others to elicit the change we are seeking?

Am I willing to love myself unconditionally today?

Just asking....

Happiness is not from without

We are all personally responsible for our own happiness. To look for it outside of our ourselves is disappointment waiting to happen.

The Big Production

Life can be complex or hard because sometimes it is and we need it to engage us in a way that challenges us. And if we keep pulling back, getting bigger, maybe it's not that complex or hard, and the complexity and hard factor gets lost in the bigger picture, just like we can't see our skin or blood cells with our physical eyes.

How microscopic do we want to see? How close up do we want to see? Need to see? How much engagement/complexity/challenge do we want or need today in order to feel worthy or entertained?

Or can I start to see that I've done most of this before and that I don't always have to make a Big Production out of things. Unless I want to. Because I like Big Productions.

But when do Big Productions become and time and energy suck? When they do? And sometimes they creep up on you and you realize that the train has left the station, the crew is hired, the players have their makeup on, and you want a big sloppy KISS about now. So do it.
Get simple. Get silly. Let the rest go. 

Truth Be Told

As many of you know, I do a yearly hashtag. Last year's hashtag was #gethonestfaster. And it was so good, I'm bringing it back next to this year's #doitdifferentlyin2018.

#GetHonestFaster -- in class this week, I talked about getting honest faster and truth telling - to YOURSELF. Start at home. Tell yourself the truth about your Self. What do I want? What do I really want? How am I feeling? How am I really feeling? Am I willing to do something differently? If so, what am I really willing to do? Or am I using the constructs and ideas of what I think I "should" be doing, according to some other authority, like an online quiz or self-help book, as the basis for what I think I am willing to do differently?

So hashtag getting honest faster is a way to help you #doitdifferntlyin2018. Because you will be more accurately assessing what it is you are really willing to do, and not do. And once you've told yourself the truth about that, we can really begin to move the mountain that has seemed like an unsurmountable obstacle all these years, all these New Years, all these New Years Resolutions.

More on truth telling to come. But in a nutshell, start telling yourself the truth, about your Self. Start there. Don't worry about the Others. For now. Practice on yourself and develop those truth telling chops. Can I tell myself the truth with Love? With a real curiosity? With a real willingness to Know? Or am I using the excuse of "truth telling" to beat myself up? To reinforce my addiction to my own pain and story? To prove to myself that I'm not worthy of the change I seek? That might be something to be truthful about.

Just sayin...

ANTS!!!

Last night I got home from teaching and was ready to take a nice hot bath and crawl into my delicious bed, and the comforter was covered in ANTS! Let me say that there wasn't much comfort in a comforter of ants. What was interesting is how I wasn't "bugged" by the incident and did not freak out. I just saw about 100+ ants making their ant shapes, doing their ant-dance on the bed. I looked to see what could have drawn them there. I don't eat in bed, and they didn't seem to be interested in anything that was on the bed. Just the bed itself. Yes, I think I have a sweet bed, but not the kind of sweet that would attract ants. Or so I thought. There were no obvious ant trails upon first, second, third and fourth glance. Just ants.

So the comforter went into the washer, we dug out some old blankets, and my hot bath was now totally tepid and there was no more hot water. And I did not freak out. I just did what was necessary (necessary in my mind, not empirically necessary), and got into bed.

Talk about doing it differently in 2018! It was different.

So what do I know about ants? They come from Venus. They taught us to colonize and organize. They taught us group mind. They taught us systematic approach. They taught us about being ego-less and working for the whole. And I looked up in the Medicine Card book today - Patience. Just when you think you are in a holding pattern, this state of "weird," let it ride. Be patient and wait. All is "coming." But really all is here. All is now. All is Knowing.

So what did I bring back from Mexico? Maybe a bunch of ants. Or at least their teachings. And patience. And the reminder of what I've been teaching now for many years - slow and steady. Gently and lovingly. It's all perfect. Timing is perfect. Let go of the need to control the timing. Let go of the need to control the picture.

The ants go marching 1 by 1, 2 by 2, etc...  and if they end up on your bed, don't freak out. What are your ants today? Receive their message and let it be magical. Or not, cuz it's all perfect!

KISS Me Now!

KISS - Keep it simple silly.

And if you're going to keep it, keep it silly. And simple. Then embellish as needed.

Rain of Willingness

Woke up this morning to my "first day" of the year. It feels like Day 1 because it's the day I go back to work. Back to classes, privates, marketing, planning, etc...  And I woke up to the rain. When I hear the rain, I remember the story that Pandit Rajmani Tigunait shared with us about the Rain of Willingness. The rain that dissolves our resistance. The rain that dissolves our ego. Dennis Adams also talks about the rain, water, and the presence of Masters. So when I woke up to that sound, that feeling, that Presence of a steady rain, I felt supported in a doing a new year differently. I felt even more attachments drop. I felt even more connection and magic. So I'm lowering my expectations to the ground, knowing that my Willingness to do it differently will take me into new waters. Maybe sometimes it may seem like I'm up a creek without a paddle, but maybe I don't need a paddle all the time. Maybe sometimes not paddling will take me to a new place in a new way.

Hydrate with Willingness today. Drink in that which softens and melts our ego and attachments. Who knows what you might find without that coating of "have-tos." 

Do it Differently in 2018

We got back from the Mexico retreat in the wee hours this morning. In bed by 2am. I haven't been "home" since before New Years. Waking up this morning, I felt different (the retreat worked!). I feel different. So now it begins - doing 2018 differently. There is a palpable shift inside, and although I don't know what it all means and looks like, I will be paying attention. I am on the lookout for how to  do it differently this year. Not that there was anything wrong with how I did it last year. Like the Universe, I'm just evolving, so why not pay attention to that?

Co-leading an amazing transformational New Year's retreat from Dec 29-Jan 6 was a total reboot - more than I thought. It probably helped that I had a cough/cold/flu most of the time, which made me do the retreat differently as well. More about not doing. More about allowing. Surrendering into trust and knowingness. Taking care of what is needed in the moment, whether that was me saying "no" to going on an excursion in favor of resting, or being honest and in present moment about my daily choices, and observing my thoughts and actions.

So here we are, back at the ranch, home on the range, with a clean slate. I feel a depth about how to approach this new project "Jean in 2018," and I know that cultivating more relaxation is a part of the through-line. And other things that I'm not publicly sharing right now. And they will unfold no matter what because life happens, more happens.

So for today, how can I cultivate more willingness to be open to staying out of my old habits, old thought trajectories, old hamster wheels, and spend more energy surrendering my pictures?

Let go. Just Know.

First Day of Epiphany

In customs line. Security line with security guards. I feel pretty secure. But I don’t think that my security needs guarding. It just is. 

What Am I Willing to Do?

Without Willingness, we may not stand a chance. What am I willing to know? What am I willing to see? What am I willing to admit? What am I willing to say? What am I willing to hear? And then for change - what am I willing to do differently?

Is Time on Your Side?

Is time on your side? If not, it can be...

Am I willing to take the time I need to get the result I am seeking?

And So Are You

Just like the saints and deities are aspects of the Divine, broken down so we can see parts of It, allowing us a way to comprehend It, relate to It, digest It better, So Are We.

Another 365

Happy New Year and Day 1 of the revisit to the 365 Conversations game. It’s been quite some time since I’ve blogged consistently in this format, and I am inspired to do this 365 consecutive days in a row once again. My “intention” was to start on Jan 1, 2018 - in numerology a number 4 - to start building a new foundation for a very different year, not that there was anything empirically wrong with my “last year.” Last year felt like a turning point, a starting over. This year feels like clear movement with a clearer focus, more honesty (#gethonestfaster).  

Back to my “intention.” Yesterday I felt thick and sick. Cough, cold, achy joints, the whole bit. I’m leading a retreat with my teaching partner in Mexico. We were up late on New Years Eve doing a full moon ceremony, and quite frankly, although I was inspired to write, I couldn’t muster the energy. So instead of saying, “well, I blew it! I didn’t start on New Year’s Day, that dilutes the energy so why do it? what’s the point of all of this anyway,” I got out the keyboard and started plunking out this blog, right here right now, on the morning of Jan 2, 2018 in Tulum. I still have the cough and cold, but I”m feeling better, so no time like the present because time and space only exist on this dimension anyway! In other words, it’s not too late!

So as we look at those New Year’s intentions, or resolutions, resolve every day. Start every day. That way you take it one day at a time and you lower the chance of dissappointing yourself or feeling like you’ve failed yourself. You are your Self. And that’s pretty great.