change

Everything changes. Even change. The way things change also change. Things that used to work "no matter what" change. The challenging thing, is to allow ourselves to change effortlessly, even though the thing that we are changing was a huge part of our identity.

For example - diet. Many of us either consciously or not consciously identify with our diet. We have lots of judgments about the food we eat, how we eat it, when we eat it, if we eat it. Judgements about how we get nourishment. What it should feel like, look like, behave like. If I say, "I never eat such and such" and then one day I eat such and such and nothing bad happens, or I feel fine, or I feel really, surprisingly excellent, then what? All that energy (prana) we have invested into a thought construct - wasted! Like "whoops, I coulda had a V-8!" or  "I coulda spent me energy somewhere else!"

But really, building these mythical castles in the sky, whether they be our thoughts about diet, exercise, our favorite color, our dreams, activities, preferences, avoidances, they are just mythical castles in the sky and they are ours to build. And ours to tear down, and leave down, or even replace with another castle.

When I was painting, i would sometimes take a piece of art and paint the whole thing over with white paint - just to start again. wipe it clean and let go of what was "art" for me in the past.

Like diet. Or whatever. So confirmed meat eaters and vegans! Let's all join together in peace and harmony, knowing that in the blink of an eye, we could easily (hopefully easily) let go of our platforms and do the opposite if the Divine pointed us in that direction. It's challenging to let go of an old friend, even when that friend and you know the relationship is over. Sometimes it's just more comfortable to be   uncomfortable with the status quo, than to move on to the next thing on the menu. The downside with this is that it usually gets more and more uncomfortable until finally the sign from the Divine to "let go already!" is like a big rock crashing down, and that rock can take many forms. I'll let you use your own experience and imagination on that one, cuz no one knows better than you which of  those habits and patterns you are holding fall into the category of old friends turned into ball and chain, or stomachaches.  And I know what mine are. And sometimes we dance, and sometimes we fight, and sometimes we go to counseling, and sometimes we just know it's time to move on.

Rant recant?

Not recanting. I re-read it and stand by what I said. But I will say that I did get a tad fiery in public.
And me, who preaches no right and wrong?!?! What's a reader to think? That maybe my buttons have been pushed at last? That I'm not as cool as you think I am? Or I'm not as cool as I think I am? ;)

Well, could be all of that. Or not. And it doesn't matter. My fire was motivated by a desire to hopefully publicly present another point of view, to challenge what may or may not be the status quo out there, because honestly, I have no idea who is teaching what. I just know what walks into my class.

The big question is, did my rant activate a "right and wrong" rant in you? It's pretty rampant out there, this bi-partisan mind, especially with the political climate being so polarized and elections coming up in November. How can we stay true to our current belief system and not have to make ourselves "right" and the other side "wrong?" Or our side "enlightened" and the other side "uninformed?" And in the big picture, these different Shaktis play out regardless, so perhaps it's clearer to stay detached - vairagya. Not apathetic. Detachment is being able to be in the polarized argument and watch the 2 sides play their part. Then to observe the outcome of what happened to glean a little more understanding at how things work. Not making either side right or wrong. Because hey, without that other side, we wouldn't be here.

Sometimes what we have to say pushes buttons and we need to be OK with that, or everyone will be in the trap of saying stuff we think people want to hear. And really, we don't know what people want to hear, so it's not for us to say. 

When I mentioned "ego" and "teacher" and "student" in the same sentence, I'm pretty sure some buttons were pushed, because the ego, when challenged, pushes back. It's not a right/wrong thing. It's just how it works. Keeping our egos in check is a constant thing. Like that adventurous child, just when your back is turned, it runs away and does it's own thing.   

As far as kicking up in headstand goes, I'm not a fan. As teachers, we teach to the best of our ability, bringing our own experience to the table. And the students are attracted to the teacher because of that teacher's experiences. So the rant was based on truth as I know it from my experience. And I know that there will be kicking up out there in the world. And that's fine. But not in my class.

This is not to say I wont recant in a heartbeat if someone can present a strong case for kicking up and I either understand and accept it, or test it then decide what I think. Yes, one thing you can get from me, is I speak passionately about the things I know that I know. And those who have been around me also know, that I believe everyone has their own truth. For me, I like mine best. For me. And when I find a truth that rings truer, makes more sense on more levels, expands my point of view, I say Yes! And evolve. Thank God. Seriously. I welcome these new insights because doing it all on my own is no longer my paradigm.

Fair

Who said life is fair? Who started that nasty little rumor, setting up all these expectations based on individual desires and preferences, making "fair" something that can in no way be universal, so how can life be "fair" since we share this life with other "fairs?"

And when did this idea that life is fair get started? I can't remember anyone telling me that life was, in fact, fair, and I should expect fairness. Somehow, based on what I observed, what I was told, values that were taught/modeled/emphasized, I came up with that one on my own. I drank my own poison as the thought of "life is fair" came from me putting those puzzle pieces together.

I will never forget one day sitting on the curb of some parking lot crying about something, and having a wise friend say "Jeanie, life isn't fair." She just said it. And I understood. Definitely got a bit pissed off because a whole bunch of my reality was based on "fairness," but I got it. Thanks Jess! That was a wild day.

So when life doesn't seem fair, or things don't go my way, the "fair" way, I remember that day, that life isn't fair, and that I am a part of all that life-ness. And somehow it just makes sense.

Snot again!

No, it'snot again. Just the follow up.

After draining my brain via snot I felt clearer, more serene. Emptied of distractions. I was able to focus more clearly and felt oddly steady, considering how I felt during the Snot-fest.

I picked up Rudolph Ballentine's book "Radical Healing" and turned to the section on allergies. At one point it said that hay fever type allergies were "guilty relationship with mother nature." I took that to be old stuff about feeling allergic to my environment. Now that "stuff" is really deep in those babyhood cells, making it's way to the surface. Also, post nasal drip was something about internal weeping about not being able or allowed to connect with your spiritual source/aspect. Sure made sense to me since my big thing as a kid was this intense feeling of homesickness, even when I was home. I would often cry to myself "I want to go home." Now that i've found home, I don't feel it in the same way. But there is still a longing, a pain, a weeping if you will, around that. Hard to explain, and that's as much as I'm going to share right now about that.

All that from a bunch of snot?

Yep.

Kicking

This is my rant and I'm sticking to it. So if you don't want to hear this yogini go off, you'd best sign off for now and catch the next one.

No kicking up in headstand! Ever!
If you have to kick up, then you are not ready to do this pose. Period.

First - it is the "King of Asanas." So when in the history of mankind can anyone waltz into town and say "yo, i'm here to see the King" and get an audience? Same with headstand. It has to be earned. And when I say earned, i mean it's all about preparation. Preparing the structural body so the cervical spine is properly supported. Preparing the nervous system so the mind will remain quiet, because most of the time we fall out of a balance, including headstand, it's because the mind distracted you in some way.

The "mind" of headstand is about stillness - sthira, not about kicking up. Kicking up is energetic and is about whoops and yays and high fives (so to speak). It's more about being "out there." Headstand is about going "in there," aligning body and mind into a state of quiet balance. Both great btw - just different.

Plus, let's just look at the structural element. Kicking up implies that you don't have the goods to get there on your own. You need the added element of momentum. And unless you have enough control over your momentum that you know exactly how much of it to use, imho using the head/neck as the base of support while experimenting with this force of momentum seems sorta dumb.

So what's the rush? Students want to get there faster. Often without doing the preparation. As teachers it is our job to inspire the students to enjoy the process, so when they do eventually get into headstand, using the quietness of their own mind (strong nervous system) and the stability of their own body, it will be a glorious event. Worth waiting for. Well "earned."

Would you turn your socially mature daughter or son loose on the road at age 14 without having taken driving lessons? And would you let them drive in the city or on the freeway with one lesson under their belt? Or two? Or three even?  If we can't figure out how to rock a students world, at the same time, deal with their need to get further faster, which is often ego-based at the root of this desire, then maybe we need to look at our own egos. The part of us that wants our students to get there faster. The part of our ego that is afraid that if we don't give them headstand, they'll find another teacher.

And from a students' point of view - hey - it's your neck! Do what you want! But be informed and not pressured, consciously or subconsciously. If you are encouraged just "kick up" into headstand, calmly let the teacher know that you don't think your neck is ready for it yet. And if the teacher insists that you "trust yourself and get over your fear," trust your Self and don't give your power over to that teacher. Again - it's your neck, not hers/his! And you have to live with it. It's not your job as the student to make your teacher feel successful.

So again, that's my rant. At some point kicking up into headstand was taught by someone, and possibly for a very good reason. But since that original time, it has become too rampant and I for one, am done with keeping quiet about it. (for this moment anyway). And I for one, am also tired of hearing about all these yoga-based injuries. Yoga is about healing, about union, not about making us more ill and imbalanced. And I'm still ranting....

and sticking to it

for the present moment

When in doubt shut up

Stop reacting and start responding.

no it's not!

or is it snot?
when it feels like a veritable spigot that when opened has an infinite liquid source and it's coming out of my nose, I can't help but think - is it really snot?

I have had this type of hay fever allergy stuff as far as I can remember. Yes, I have tried diet, homeopathy, doing nothing, herbs, otc medicine, Rxs, and now shots. So at this point, i can either say, "jean, some healer you are! you cant even heal yourself!" or i can go deeper, look for a bigger picture that makes sense.

This is what I know - liquid is the medium of the emotional body. There is a long story behind that, but I dont really feel like going into it right now. I know that tears and snot share the same waterways, and that their origin is the same. So am I crying out my nose? Crying for all that past pain? Crying for the present pain? Crying for help? Crying for fun?

Or is it my thoughts, melting out of my brain, running out my nose, clearing my head of extraneous goop that distracts me from who i really am?

And why is it that when I am totally still, the symptoms get less and less, and it's activity that stirs the pot?

From those points of view, no, it's not. Or it snot.