Coping

Why is it seemingly easier to lash out at the ones we love, rather than face our own pain, grief, anger around that which is really upsetting us? Is it because we give ourselves the illusion of being able to control an outcome, even if the outcome is self-destructive, as opposed to facing that which is out of our control? Is being "out of control" so dangerous? Painful? When did we learn that? And as we lash out, are we even in control of that which we think we are controlling? So which "out of control" scenario is the least threatening? Which is the least destructive?