Mothers Day

We all have or had a mother. She grew us for up to nine months. We took over her body like a parasite and when we grew large enough to survive life outside of the womb, we came out. Beautifully, painfully, all of it. We embodied all of it.

So this is for the children of mothers on Mother's Day. Lower your expectations of your mother. She did the job that gave you life. For those 9 months, we ran her show, we were her body, her mind. Her world was our world. 

Now we are adults. Are we still looking to our mothers for life support? For sustanence? For approval? For anything?  During those 9 months in the womb, we got into the habit of depending, expecting, counting on life support from the outside- from our mothers. We forgot that in the very beginning, before we attached to the wall via the umbilical cord, we had a yolk sac and we actually fed ourselves. During that time, we didn't eat what our mothers ate. We took care of ourselves. 

Many of us forgot this after we attached to the uterine wall and took over the body of our host. As we grew up, we continued to expect things from our mothers- behaviors, food, money, comfort, approval, safety, etc... Maybe it's time to remember that we can look to ourselves for these things and stop expecting them to magically come from mothers or mother figures to fill our needs. 

Thanks mom, for continuing to mother me past my time. Maybe our gift to our mothers  is their independence. We will no longer suck you dry with expecting you to fill our every physical and emotional need. We will grow up and free your psychic space. We will stand on our own two feet in gratitude for this gift of life that we will not squander. We will lower our expectations of you so we can love and see you as a regular person and bestow the courtesies we share with strangers. And maybe we will take care of you for a change. Not because we have to, or  because it's our duty, or a karmic debt. But because, as we drop our expectations, we see you as a fellow human who is just trying to figure it out like the rest of us.

I love you Mom. Thanks for the whole bloomin thang that it my life. I wouldn't be me without you.

The Caring Conundrum

Caring is sharing. Caring is what good and nice people do. We are taught to care. But what does that mean exactly? And to what end? I think caring is great, as long as it is coming from a place of non-attachment. A place where we aren't attached to the outcome, and we don't have grandiose expectations regarding the fruits of our caring. As long as we can care from a place of clarity, then we won't create more karma for ourselves and others. If I pretend to care, but sit there silently in judgement, what kind of karma am I creating? I believe that it's the judgments, aka the emotional charge that we carry, that creates karma. I believe that if we are acting from clarity, and a place of non attachment then we are not racking up charges on the old karma card. 

So the conundrum is to care or not to care? Not exactly. It's to pay attention to what we are caring about and get honest with ourselves about what and why we care. Then we can start assessing th,e cost of caring and see if we can afford it. We may not like what we see at first. But if we can start by not getting down on ourselves while we figure it out, it's a start. And then we can begin to dig ourselves out of any karmic hole we created. 

And if you are a person who cleanly cares, awesome! It's great to see how it's done! It may it look like what we think it should, or it might. Because if a person cleanly cares, there is an element of not caring that goes along with it. A clean care comes with the part that the carer doesn't care what other people think. It takes guts to really care and not care simultaneously. That's the conundrum. Jesus cared so much that he didn't care how many people's feelings he was hurting when he agreed to do the cross thing. Socrates didn't care how many people he left behind when he chose hemlock over life for the sake of his truth. And I believe that when we get really clear, we even lose the attachment to Truth. But that's another story for another day.

Another question. Another conundrum. Another thing to care or not care about. And I do care about caring. I just want to be clear about what I'm caring about.

Another load

I realized something about myself. As far as household tasks go, i choose laundry. Of all the things on my list, there is something satisfying about doing laundry. There is a clear beginning, middle, and end to laundry. I see the bins. They are full. I wash. Dry. Fold. Put away. I see the bins. They are empty.

Unlike the proverbial "laundry list" with the never ending spin cycle in my brain that keeps churning task after task. The list never ends. But laundry. It gets done and I get to experience satisfaction of seeing empty bins. I get to feel like I actually accomplished a measurable task. That feels good.So does clean underwear.

So take a load off. Do a load and see the empty bin. Empty is space. And space is infinite.

Busy as a Be

One thing about being busy. Yes. We are. That's been established. And busy-ness gets a bad rap sometimes. But the cool thing about being busy is that it can take our mind off of the emotional or mental roller coaster that we can get stuck on. So if we are busy at work, and we can do the work without emotional charge or attachment, it can be useful. It can help us focus our energy somewhere other than our habitual-ness.  So being busy can help us "be" somewhere else in our mind. And that can "be" a relief sometimes. 

Wheels

Life keeps going. Life doesn't stop. It feels like it's accelerating. Getting faster. Crazier. Busier. But when you look at it, is it actually busier, or does it just feel like it?  

Like the big wheel that keeps on turning, we keep on burning. It's how we perceive the burn that will affect our experience of the "same old same old." "Same same but different." All these phrases that are out there make more and more sense every day. It's as if our big S self really is talking to us in a language we can understand. So listen to our little s self and hear what our big S self is telling us.

And here's a caveat.. Chakra means wheel. So remember - each of are chakras. Wheels. We are a chakra/wheel. We are our own veritable hamster wheels. And we keep spinning, turning, churning. That's what we do as we Open our Selves up to infinite possibility.

So of course we are trying to get our own attention.

Star crossed

Feeling a sense of uber-busy-ness? Perhaps you've been feeling like there is an insurmountable plate load of stuff to do, to get through, to handle. Maybe it feels as though time is no longer on your side. Well, yes it is. Because you've come running back. To your Self. Because nestled between 2 solar eclipses (April 15 and April 29) about April 21-27 there was is significant celestial event called the Cardinal Cross. (Need I remind you of the recent holiday that just passed where this particlar symbol played a significant role and what that was all about? Interesting and appropriate timing). 

Apparently this happens once every few thousand years or so. Please don't quote me on this. I'm not an astrology expert. What's important is that this occurance is rare, and even your great great grandparents haven't been through this particular planetary shift, unlike mercury retrogrades, Saturn returns, solar eclipses, etc... 

The Cardinal cross is where Pluto is directly opposite Jupiter and Mars is directly opposite Uranus , and the all form a cross in the sky. Hillory Skott, from the Vancouver Astrology Examiner says to picture a square with a big X through it. Like a big "energetic trampoline intended to launch us into a new dimension of reality." (Yes, I actually researched a bit for this because I know zippity do dah about astrology.)

I concur. This is a moment in time where all the work we've done in yoga will show itself. According to Patanjali, the result if effective yoga practice is when pairs of opposites cease to have impact ( yoga sutra 2:48). As we sit in our usual pairs of opposites like self/relationship, home/work, good/bad, right/wrong, physical/material, we feel the heat of this cross as we are forced to find center or burn up or out.

Whoever said that when opposing forces (such as Ida and pingala) align, we find the bliss of center, didn't share the whole story. The bliss of center comes when we have released or at least softened our charge on those forces- Where those forces no longer have a stronghold on us. If you feel like you are burning up right now, you can keep holding on to what you think life is all about, or start to let go of the positive/negative view of life, and be willing to see who you really are. Bottom line - you get what you ask for. And you've been asking for a very long time.

So pay attention . To your Self. Because it's here to stay and so are you. This busyness and urgency you've been feeling may be because you know you have a purpose and it's time to get it done. Remember this as you let your day feel busy. Because if it feels like you are spinning your wheels, it's probably because you haven't seen or embraced your purpose yet. If you know or have a sense of your deeper purpose, then re-frame your busyness knowing that it's just your physical self trying to catch up with your big S self. That this busyness is urgency in a bottle. That it's here. Your birthday. 

Relax and open your present. Moment. Self. Remember that stuff is stuff and only matter matters. You can play or not play. It's your party and you can cry if you want to. Or sing. Or dance. Or pet your dog. Or (fill in the blank). 

Or Remember. You Know.

Patience

Just want you to know that the Easter bunny has not forgotten. An appropriate blog is forthcoming. Let's just chalk it up to a) too many chocolate eggs, 2) not enough chocolate eggs 3) just the right amount of chocolate eggs 4) no chocolate eggs (which might be related to #2). Regardless of chicken or chocolate egg, I'm feeling the omelet that we are cooking in. Yes I have thoughts to grease the pan. Yes I want to put them to paper. And yes, what you feel is spot on the omelet. 

Cheese, mushroom, or Denver, we are all in the same pan. It's hot. It's greasy. And we feel cooked and fried. Which is not a bad thing, since we are cooking ourselves, transforming if you will, into exactly who we really are, so we can answe the big question- who am I and what am I doing here?