Hi Jean!
Fill in the blank. Most of us have played this game a time or two. What is that statement really? Self acceptance. Or at least acknowledging where you are. Acknowledging a tendency.
Self acceptance. On one hand, we say we want it. On the other hand, we fear it. If I accept myself as I am, then what? Will I stay stuck in my sorry-assed state? If I encourage my kids to accept themselves, won't they turn into mediocre, uncaring, bad Samaritans? Because in order to fully accept myself, I need to stop judging myself, and stop making me feel greater than or less than someone else. I have to actually accept who I am, warts and all. And how does that fare in the world of self-help books and seminars, where people's jobs depend on the belief that we all should strive to be "better" people. Better that what? Better than who? Or whom? Someone feel good about correcting me. Hi, my name is jean and I suck at grammar. And I'm fine with that. Is it ok for me to be fine with that, or does it mean I am lazy or "less than" because I don't want to put my energy into "bettering myself?"
In our world of creating better lives for ourselves, we are skipping a very important step in my opinion. We forget to accept who we are, and where we are. The first step of an alcoholic, is to admit and accept that they have a "disease." That way, they know that this tendency is a tendency so strong that it walks with them in every moment. If I own my tendency to lie, cheat, steal, hate myself, criticize, get self righteous, complain, gossip, etc... then it will have less power over me because I have stopped trying to hide it. If I can own it, if I can accept that it is part of me, part of the Whole that I Am, I can deal with it from a place based less in fear and denial, and one based more in the present moment.
Self acceptance. I accept who I am and love who I am no matter what. Warts and all. When we can start playing from that point of view, the game changes. We get to see who we really are. We may or may not like what we see. We may or may not choose to change. But we will begin to learn to love ourselves unconditionally. And the more we love ourselves unconditionally, the more we get off our own backs, the more we will be able to accept others, warts and all, and love others unconditionally. And isn't that what peace is all about?
So, perhaps I go out on a precarious limb here when I say that the quest to make ourselves "better" is a slippery slope. Better than what? Better than who(m)? And why the urge to be better? Who are we trying to become? Someone better than ourselves. If this urge to be "better" is coming from a place of judgement, of disgust, of self hate, we have missed a step. Self love. Self acceptance. Because self improvement is all based on the little s self. How can we improve on the big S self? So the question is, how do I get more big S self going? You can start small if you like. Love your self. Then love your Self. Or just love yourself.
And an effective way to start that process is to accept your self. So you can accept your Self.
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