better with butter

today I taught my first 2 classes after my 6 week sabbatical. They were, well, quiet. I don't know how else to explain it. This seems to be a trend whenever I come back from a significant hiatus. There is an immense amount of space in the room and a stillness that is quiet profound. I know it has to do with my internal dynamic, which is so cool to be able to actually see and feel a palpable difference. In a nutshell - when i'm quiet, still, steady, so are the classes I teach. Or at least that is my experience. I can't speak from the point of view of the students.

And there is a lightness. I definitely drop weight when I leave the "burdens" of the day to day life. For one thing, i can always fit more in my suitcase on the way home, even when I leave from home at the beginning of the trip, i can barely close it. And I usually lose weight. It shows up on the scale, but what I lose is psychic, emotional, mental weight, and I get a bit thinner. Without dieting. At all. Seriously. Can you say "more butter?" cuz I sure do...

so again, we are physical and non-physical, and most of us is actually non-physical. if we can remember that, it will open us up to a bigger point of view, one where there is more chance for equanimity, possibilities, and happiness for all.  And more butter please. Cuz it's always better with butter. 

Sleep

Today was all about sleep. I embraced the lag of jet lag and slept. Then slept some more. And now I'm going to bed.

I predict that tomorrow I will feel more like a person. Feel free to cast votes, lay bets, or simply speculate, and I'll be back with the update.

I may have underestimated what I needed to assimilate the trip. But hey, that's why I gave myself some time off.

And the Oscar goes to...

[your name goes here]

Why? Because you are doing an outstanding job playing yourself in this movie of life called [your title goes here].

And yes, Spielberg also loves it.

So there ya go...

Cut! And print. And let go.

Re-entry

Yesterday was both the 20th and the 21st depending on which side of the pond i was on.

Things I came home to:
a clean house, husband, and dog
flowers
a wide selection of food in the frig because he wanted to make sure I was supported in that way
chocolate lava cakes
a beautiful and thriving yard, complete with rose garden

Things I brought with me:
a deeper meditation practice and connection with the shrine inside
new ideas
less judgement
more enthusiasm
more willingness
less attachment

Things I did today, my first full day back:
unpacked
meditated
ate
got caught up on Project Runway
changed voicemail message
checked email
talked a bit on the phone
slept
enjoyed my family and my life

Tomorrow's list is much the same.
Sri living at it's finest.
mucho gratitude from the heart. And it's those things of daily life that we have, well, uh, every day, so why not celebrate the beauty and wonder of these most simple gifts?

Goodbye India!

Final post before we leave for the airport in a few hours. Just had an amazing farewell dinner with full on spicy Indian cuisine here at the Nidra Hotel. And yes, I did yoga nidra at the Nidra.

Been enjoying the last 24 hours of relaxation, meditation, showering and food in the hotel. Catching up on some email, thanks to speedy and free wifi, and looking at some cool Facebook posts from the last 5 weeks. Looking forward to getting some pix up.

First teaching day back will be Thursday Feb 28 - noon class. Giving myself a week to digest and have some re-entry. A very mature decision on my part if i do say so myself. In the past my pattern has typically been to get back on the horse as quickly as possible, thinking that those extra couple of days would actually make the difference between success and failure as far as class attendance goes.

What will i bring with me as I board the plane? The smell of curry. Yes. It's coming out of my pores. And although the smell isn't my favorite (when its coming out of my pores),  I'm loving the experiences around where that smell came from. And this too shall pass. But the memories, the experiences, will feed me, curry free, for a long time to come.

Reflections while looking

I am a baby- whos body is this?
I am a teenager - who's body is this?
I am a grandmother - who's body is this?

Apparently, we aren't our bodies. Unless we can't recognize ourselves. The self we see in the mirror.

We can spend our entire life trying to recognize that face in the mirror, or we can spend it trying to recognize the big S Self.

Or we can spend it doing something else. But ultimately, at the root of all those "something else's," it's probably going to boil down to identifying with spirit or matter.

Unless we can find the place where neither/both dominate.

Here comes the sun!

And it's awesome!!!
After 2 days of stormy weather, there's light.
Wrapping up my time here at Khajuraho before tomorrow's departure to Delhi. Then a couple of days with wifi, then the journey home. And even though I leave at 3 am on the 21st, I get home to San Fran in time for dinner that same day. How to squeeze 24 hours into that,is another miracle.
Peace.

Popularity and success

From pandit rajmani's book "touched by fire:"

"Do not measure the growth and success of a spiritual organization by looking at how large a following it has gathered."

Spirituality is not a popularity contest. In fact, it may be the opposite (if we go for the dualistic point of view.) who really wants to hear the truth? Think about it. Jesus , Socrates, etc... At some point it is easier for most, hence "the masses," to remain sheep. Fear-based conditioning that if you follow the rules and do what your peers want you to do, you will be accepted, acknowledged, and liked. Maybe even loved. But when has that ever really worked out the way it was promised? Did "keeping up with the Jones' " ever result in happiness?

And as "teachers," because that's what we all are, how can we present the material that encourages others to find their own truth, even if it means it is different from our own?

Popularity and success

From pandit rajmani's book "touched by fire:"

"Do not measure the growth and success of a spiritual organization by looking at how large a following it has gathered."

Spirituality is not a popularity contest. In fact, it may be the opposite (if we go for the dualistic point of view.) who really wants to hear the truth? Think about it. Jesus , Socrates, etc... At some point it is easier for most, hence "the masses," to remain sheep. Fear-based conditioning that if you follow the rules and do what your peers want you to do, you will be accepted, acknowledged, and liked. Maybe even loved. But when has that ever really worked out the way it was promised? Did "keeping up with the Jones' " ever result in happiness?

And as "teachers," because that's what we all are, how can we present the material that encourages others to find their own truth, even if it means it is different from our own?

Blow off steam

Today during lecture, big winds came suddenly- lots of dust. Panditji did some mantras and it stopped for a few minutes, but there was no stopping Ma Nature. After securing our Eco-cottage, aka hut, a few of us who have been here since the beginning started going off with anecdotes and gales of laughter.

Blowing off steam. Expressing shakti. Yes, it's the same thing.

Ramisch, my Hindu contact at lunch that clues me in on the food, said repeatedly, "no rain today."

Finished lunch and felt a huge urge to go back to the hut. Was it to eat a cookie I had stashed from town? Maybe... And steps away, it started to rain - the complete package- thunder and lightening included.

This is the fourth time we've had rain in the dry season. Grooviness.

Irritation

What is irritation except for a signal that something isn't working for us anymore? Or perhaps it is our Self trying to help us understand? Or that we aren't being true to our Self? Or that we are out of balance somehow?

So instead of stuffing it, or putting a lid on it, maybe sit with it. It might be just the fuel you need to make that change.

Grounded

Sometimes I just love being on the ground. Looking up, looking in. Or just feeling the earth hold me in her loving arms.

Relaxed

Have you ever noticed how fun and enjoyable things are when you are relaxed or going at a relaxed pace? And what is " relaxed" anyway? Not too fast, not too slow. Going at the pace that's right for you. Try that one.

Thunder and lightening

Not so frightening. Pretty awesome actually. Another visit from the thunder lightening wind and rain gods this morning. Oh, did I mention that there was also an electric fire at the same time and the flames were fuchsia?
:)

Born again

If I was supposed to take myself so seriously, I would have been born somebody else.

Finding truth

Looking for truth? Having trouble deciphering what is what?

Look around. The world you see is your truth. So if you don't like it, then maybe it's time to start believing in something else. Maybe it's time to start breaking the patterns of the past, our habits, the thought constructs that we have proven over and over to be true, and start proving another reality to ourselves. Because truth is in the eye of the beholder.

We look at the same tree. The same vibrational pattern of light and sound. Yet our experiences of that tree are completely different from each other.

Art. One man's trash is another man's treasure. All those cliches. All those truths became cliches because so many of us proved them over and over as true.

Who will start inspiring new truths? Who is willing to start creating?

Amazeballs. Who started that phrase? Ginormous. Rad. Etc...

If we can start a new hip phrase or word and have it "go viral," then why not a new reality, a new way of seeing? It's happening all the time.

So remember, whatever you give your truth to is your truth. Was that decision to believe conscious or u conscious? Did it come from the present moment of who you really are, or from a need to fit in and be accepted?

Think about other movers and shakers such as Gandhi, Jesus, Socrates, Harriet Tubman, _____________ (your name can go here).

Just when you think

Just when you think it's something, it changes to something else. And when we look at it, we realize that we have been asking, preparing for that change all along.
Will attachments and fear keep us from moving forward and embracing the fruits if our practice?

Shakti

Shakti. Power. Life force. Prana. That which animates. Creative force. Shakti.

What does that mean to you? How do you know when you have it?

Do more of that and less of the other stuff. That way you will gently and lovingly build your capacity to hold/contain more. More of what you love.

Vibrancy

Release tension, even a little bit, and notice the vibrancy that lies beneath. Tension masks this vibrancy. Why we needed to mask it, who knows? Perhaps because in some moment in time we didn't feel safe in listening to our internal voice of truth- the one that said "something isn't right here. Something is not serving your highest purpose." And for whatever reason we chose to "buck up," "Do it anyway," "be a man," "be a good girl." But whatever the reason, that's in the past. Release tension and start to remember the vibrant light that is you.

Just sayin'...

Rain

The end of panditji's final satsang before the group departs tomorrow. (Feb 4). Really loud thunder. Horizontal lightening. Huge rain drops. Before the rain started, I made a bee line to the hut (made of straw) to bring the shoes inside. Then find enough plastic bags to cover things that don't agree with water including our beds. Quite dramatic. Very auspicious ending.

It will be sad to see friends leave, but it will be awesome to move into the next phase- personal practice. Lots and lots of personal practice with no distractions. And silence. At least from my mouth.

I've been lucky with Internet. Not today though. Maybe the universe is telling me something. And maybe It's time to listen. And yes, this blog is part of my practice. That's how it started, and that's how it will continue.

But I have very little control as to posting these writings. One minute there is connection, and then, poof! Gone. Nada. Zip.

And part of this trip for me was to strengthen my connection with the divine.

And that is a constant.

Receiving

Learning to receive love. How do we do it? If we want to experience the full love of the Divine, then I think it would be helpful to practice building capacity by learning how to receive love from other mortals to prepare ourselves.

If we didn't learn love by being loved, if the love we learned was steeped in dysfunction or conditions, then how do we learn how to even recognize love when it's happening?

By practicing. By opening ourselves to the possibility. By loving ourselves. When we start loving ourselves, it's like we are teaching ourselves the language of unconditional love. We start to figure out what love really is by giving ourselves what we think it is. By trial and "error" we observe, experiment, and learn. Then when a gesture of pure unconditional love comes our way, we feel it melt another layer of separation. And in this melting, we are fuller, and it's easier to give that same love to others, because we know how it feels. We understand more of what it is.

In this way we prepare ourselves to feel the arms of the Divine holding us, guiding us, unconditionally loving us. And to feel that oneness, that union, that is yoga.

Love thy self, love thy neighbor

Yes, in that order.
Because you can't give what you don't have. And who better to practice on than your self?

Groundhog Day

When we wake up, do we see our shadow? Are we scared of it? Does it make us want to crawl back into our hole for 6 more weeks?

Or do we embrace the sun as well as the shadow? For without the sun, there would be no shadow.

Or we can stay in the fog.