Running Deep

SAMSKARAS

Samskaras can run deep. Samskaras are impressions. Everything that has happened to you, around you, with you, has left some sort of impression. The more something happens the deeper the groove. The more impactful something is, the deeper the groove. The more you’ve done something aka, your habits, all samskaras. We mostly think of samskaras as old patterns or old pain that keeps us from getting what we want now. So we hear about yoga and how we can get rid of some of these, and still get our sweat on! Sweet!

Samskaras can run deep.  Even in yoga class. Driven by the feeling that we got when the teacher pulled us up into wheel, or the day when we were perfectly warmed up enough to do revolved bird of paradise, or even the day we touched our toes for the first time. Even remembering that “a few years ago, I could….”  You fill in the blank. Those seemingly “positive” samskaras that we had in yoga class – good for us right? – still pull us out of the present moment. Trying to be who we were, or who we want to be, not who we are,  we try to muscle our way so we can bring the future or the past into the present moment. Yes, that’s when injuries can occur. But not only physical injuries. It’s like going after that starring role when you haven’t even been in the chorus yet. Or applying for a job as a lawyer when you haven’t even been to law school. If your heart was set on either of those outcomes, it can be painful and leave a scar such as “I’m not worthy, I’m ‘not enough, I’ll never succeed, I never get what I want,” and those scars will more than likely affect the outcome of your next audition or job interview.

Lately I’ve been inviting my yoga class to explore the pose in a new way – from where they are in this moment. That takes some doing, because first you have to know where you are. Today. Now. Warts and all. So once we get over that hurdle, the next challenge is to allow yourself to be a beginner again. To learn triangle again, from a different point of view. To experience triangle as the you that you are in that very moment of starting the pose. This requires discipline, willingness to let go of expectations, and deep listening. And not listening to me, the teacher, barking out what you should or should not be feeling, which leg is externally rotated, where your drishti (focus) is, or even how you should be breathing. The listening is between first of all,  you and whatever part of you is speaking the loudest.  If my hamstring is barking, and I listen to what it has to say, and actually listen, not just smile and nod pretending to hear it, but knowing that my brain knows better, I will have a more present moment experience in the pose, which will take me more into the present moment, which takes me to a state of yoga, which is why I’m in the class to begin with.  Other loud voices could be self-criticism, worry, judging self or other around you (“I can’t belive that person came in late and put their mat so close to mine! Doesn’t anyone in here know it’s all about me?”) Well, that voice isn’t really wrong. Just a bit misguided perhaps. Yes, it is all about you/me, but it’s about me and me, not you and me.

Samskaras can run deep. And once we get more time in on feeling closer to the present moment, to One-ness, to non-judgment, the deeper those samskaras will run as well. And right here right now,  for my money, if I’m going to have samskaras anyone, I’d rather they be taking me to One-ness and the present moment, than dragging me down some road I’ve already hoed.  Deep.