The Switcheroo

Giving up stuff that used to work for you. Employees, relationships, habits. Remember, those "good" habits that you have consciously employed, will eventually stop working for you. Then they will be harder to break. And keep in mind, that ALL of our "bad" habits/behaviors/choices worked for us at one point in time, which is why they are hard to let go of. Our subconscious is holding on to a tool or technique that helped us in the past. Uncovering this memory may help in the letting go. What is/has been the payoff for that habit which is no longer serving the new you? Are you still getting the same reward for implementing it? What might be the payoff for the new behavior? Is it worth the risk to your subconscious mind to switch from old to new? When are we ready for the switcheroo?

time for time

it's about time! it's about now! now is the time it's about!
we want more time here, less time there. We wait and watch while the water never boils until we look away. yet all i can think of right now is something else, somewhere else, other than this present moment. my time isn't now, it's then, or it will be soon enough, or too soon. so much time so little _________. Too little too late. On time. Now what is that exactly?

This blog is on time. yes. it's also on "time." yes. it's also making time for time.

can we put time in a bottle? can we save time? can we lose time? When i think about it, it's pretty crazy, this time thing and how we've taken the time to almost personify it, or make it a physical thing. A heavy time. A light time. A dark time. A bright time. A blue time.

About time. Timing is everything.

3 Wind haikus

1.
Which way blows the wind?
Maybe every way but up?
That's just too cliche
2.
Wind blows through my nose
Summer breeze that makes me sneeze
Quiet, let's try it
3.
Third way to see it
That which can't be seen but heard
Unless it blows dust

Memorial

Memorial. Memories. Remember that which is serving your present moment, and relieve yourself of the responsibility to keep the others alive. Remember who you really are. Remember what you are here to do. Remember to lighten up. Remember you can't get it wrong and you never get it done.

Guilty pleasures

Pleasure and pain are both motivating factors in our choices/decisions. Why is guilt lumped in with pleasure? Have we made pain the "better" motivator? So much that we have tied pleasure to pain with the ribbon of guilt? So pleasure isnt even a motivator anymore. Until we release the need to inflict pain (guilt included), we are locked into pain as the only growing tool. Growing pains. Guilty pleasures. Wow. Those phrases tell us a lot about our unconscious patterning.

Lost and found

Micro-macro. Just like when we lose something or leave something behind, it doesn't just disappear. It goes into the lost and found, or it gets repurposed by someone or something else. Thats one reason why it's pointless to try to run from ourselves. Even the stuff we "get rid of" or "lose" is always out there. The upside is, we remain whole, we are never broken or depleted or powerless or spent. We may have misplaced parts of us, but they are still out there, waiting to re-unite with our Self. The downside is, if we have lingering judgements about parts of ourselves, the very parts that make us whole, the judgements can drive us to want to separate from our Self. Can fool us into thinking there are parts of us that we need to burn out or get rid of, when actually, if we embrace all of ourselves with non-judgement, we embrace our fullness, our full power, our full potential, wisdom, and insight.

So in the song amazing grace- I once was lost and now am found, takes on a whole new meaning. The concept of having the desire to "find myself" has a different ring to it. So whether we lose our keys or part of our self, it's all there to be found. And if we can always find, we can't lose, and if we can't lose, then we can't lose!

Opposites

Blurring that fine line between up and down, left and right, in and out, good and bad. The closer we get to the center of that fine line, the closer we get to the present moment, our essential nature, our big S Self. Thank god for opposites as they are the road map that guides us to that fine line.

If you must

If you must struggle, then at least enjoy it. Don't tell me that struggle and enjoyment can't co-exist. Think personal trainers, marathons, high altitude mountaineering, parenting, marriage, crossword puzzles. Enough said. Struggle can be fun, so if you must struggle, enjoy!

staff meeting

Staff meetings are to get everyone on the same page in order to have things run more smoothly, more efficiently. In yoga class, that's one reason why we start with simple breath and body movements, to get the breath and body to move as one. To get breath and body to share the same space, in the same timing, in the same intensity, with the same intention. Once those get on the same page, it's easier to break down obstacles, fill in the grooves of old habits and impressions (samskaras), and to basically have more fun at the party of you. That's why some hosts and hostesses tell you, or gently suggest, what you should bring to a potluck - so dinner isn't 25 versions of chips and salsa. Not that that would be bad. It would give us an opportunity to examine the same thing from different points of view. But having a variety of food at a potluck is more what a potluck is. Instead of a planned chips/salsa taste test event.

It seems that with the digital age and all this seamless interfacing, staff meetings within the programs, software, hardware already exist. But what happens when someone doesn't make it to the meeting? I'll tell you. A persons Sunday blog, the final day of the Monday's Child series, ends up posting on Friday even though it was completed and published on, you guessed it, Sunday.

That being said, who cares? In case someone does, just bring it up at the next meeting. And don't forget the donuts...

Route recalcuting

Last weekend I used the navigation system in my new car for the first time going to a friend's wedding. When I say for the first time, I mean, the first time I really didn't know how to get to my destination. It was an awesome experience as I watched the whole thing play out. Did I trust the gps? Did I feel the need to find it on my own, in my own way? (yes that would be with a map). It was a lesson in trusting. As I turned against the advice of the gps, she would say "route recalculation." Her job, just like the job of our teachers, is to get us to the goal line, no matter how many times we turn off the prescribed course. There is always another way to get "there." and I did get there. And on time.

Paying dues

No more dues. No more donts. Things just don't have to be that hard. If our ego requires us to work hard before we can reap, then, well, I guess it's going to be hard. Or, stop paying dues, and just do it! Get to it! Things don't have to be that hard, so lighten up about lightening up.

Saturdays child

Works hard for a living

i have had an amazing life
many struggles, many blessings, just lots of everything.
I consider myself lucky, but i wasn't lucky by the usual standards of luck. I never really "won" anything - like drawings, contests, stuff like that. I wasn't really "first" at anything. I watched a lot of people get "lucky breaks" but I never considered myself to be one of those. Yet, I was never really Saturday's child.

what's that saying? If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. I was that person. I made choices, and when i went to college, I made them consciously, changing my "luck" perhaps, choices to do what i loved. As a result, my "work" was never really "work." So how did I relate to those around me who struggled, complained, and "worked hard for a living?" I joined the club. I pretended to struggle, I dumbed myself down, I told little lies about myself in order to fit into a world I consciously chose not to join. How warped is that I ask you?

then the fake working became more and more real, because the more thought I put into it, the denser and more crystallized the thoughts became, turning to physical "reality." So then, I had to use what I knew and reverse all the "damage" I caused in the first place. How warped is THAT?

sigh. yes. I worked hard for a living. hardly.

so who out there will join me and own up that they love what they do? that they love the choices they made, no matter how warped? that they don't have to make themselves miserable just to fit in? Especially now with all the perceived "troubles" "corruption" and general "effed up ness" of our current world, can we proudly hold the view that all is perfect even though it looks like we're going to hell in a handbasket? And even if we are, let's own it proudly, because those handbaskets are one of a kind. Designer handbaskets, everyone. Who's the designer? We are.

Was that so hard?

Sunday Sunday

But the child born on the sabbath day is bonny and blithe, fair and gay.

I was born on a Sunday. Am I Bonny? No- my name is jean. Blithe? Not quite sure what that means. Fair? Well, I do have light skin that burns easily. Gay? I'm not even going to go there.

But I do know this. It was a magical solar eclipse this evening- 6:30 pm, after a magical yoga class. Before that a magical birthday party where I magically found parking even thigh it was bay to breakers. And before that, a magical wedding where amazing love connection and healing happened. And before that? I actually found something to wear to the wedding. One thing I haven't found- the red coral necklace I bought in Mexico. So maybe we can all do a little magic and see if we can get it to materialize somewhere. I'd say "if you believe in fairies clap your hands," but wait! I am fair, according to the poem, so if you're in- clap your hands, send a vibe, and we shall see what happens. I'm not attached, just thought it might be a fun experiment.

This is the sound of one hand clapping for a fairy.... ..... ......

Fridays child

Fridays child is loving and giving. I think that about sums up my day. :) and that is a very cool thing.

Thank you.

Filler- Thursdays child

How much of our day was filler? By changing one letter it could have been fuller. By changing one thought, one choice, one decision, one action, one reaction, one of those changes could have made the difference. Or not. And maybe filler isn't so bad. If I was happy with my choices, and I truly believe I was doing my best- because hey, if we could do better, we would, then what might have been considered filler, might actually have been fuller if I allowed myself to stay in the present moment. I make it sound like I have a choice between past, present, and future, and since we live in a dimension where we can differentiate the 3, then yes we do have that choice- conscious or otherwise. So as another day in the school of life comes to a close, and we move into night school, shall we stop off at a full service gas station and say "filler up?"

I say "why not?" because Thursday's child has far to go.

Be a good person

What does that mean- be a good person? To act from love. All thoughts, words, deeds come from love. If god is love and god made everything, then how can anything not be from love? One of the new-age-old-questions. Let's use earth as a metaphor.

We all love the Mother. Mother Earth. She grew us. We are her children. And even if you think "no, my parents grew me, I didn't pop out of the ground like a plant," we are all carbon based structures, so yes, we came from earth. And if you think humans are special and they were put on earth by god, then it goes back to argument 1 in the first paragraph.

Back to earth. Does the earth grow poisons? Yes, there are substances that can be poisonous to other earthly life forms. Did the earth grow the raw materials that, when properly combined, can destroy the earth as we know it? Most say yes. Does that make those materials evil? Is hydrogen the evil spawn of the earth? No. It's a raw material. Just like plants. Like animals. Like people.

So do we blame the earth for poison? For bombs? For factories? For germs? We most certainly can if we want. But take away the ingredients that are in those evils, and we destroy the earth as we know it. So our judgements can be as powerful as a hydrogen bomb in our attempt to " clean up" the evil products from earth.

Do we blame the parents for the children? Some do. Children love to blame the parents. Parents blame the teachers. Teachers blame the parents. Our kids can grow up to destroy the parents. We grow up and can destroy the earth. But can we destroy that which made the earth? The parents of the earth? The One (or ones) who started the whole dang mess in the first place? So we blame the parents of earth for the destruction of what it created? If I build a house of cards, or a universe, I can knock it down if I want, right? Or not? I don't know how the rules work in God-land, but if we were in fact created in the image of god, then there should be enough clues to all this if I just look at gods reflection in the mirror.

So what is love? That which created us? Is love our parents? Do we blame love for evil? ( have you listened to the radio lately? Any "love done me wrong" songs out there?) So is love to blame?

To be a good person. To act from love. No matter how "good" we are, there will always be something, someone out there who sees what we do as bad, or even evil. Because its all love. It's all god. So the only opinion that really matters is your own. Do you think you're a good person? Do you act in integrity with your beliefs? If your beliefs are not in alignment with mine, then who is right? We both are. That's why theres an Argument in the first place. And justification for destruction, which most consider evil, which came from integrity, which came from love, so is love evil, and if so, is there such a thing as a good person? If the answer is yes, show me one and I'll show you others who feel they have been harmed by that person. If the answer is no, then our job comes down to living as best as we can. And if at some point we can see ourselves in each other, that we are all, in fact, living and doing the best that we can in every moment and that would be our own personal best, not your best for me or my best for you, then we are acting from love. The love that grew us, without judgement, so we could do our best with what we were given, so we could figure out what love really is and who we really are and those are the keys to heaven. We are all good people. Just like the elements of the earth.

Wednesday's child is full of woe... From love.

Tuesdays child

Is full of grace. And yes, that would be Winston as he seamlessly flew over the jumps tonight.

Grace. That word deserves a longer blog. But for tonight, just revisit the grace it takes to seamlessly fly over, through, under, or around our obstacles. With joy no less! That is grace on a plate. The Tuesday's child blue plate special: grace on joy with a side of smile. Patience for dessert. Yummy!

Monday's child

Monday's child is fair of face
So I guess that kids born on Monday's have a leg up in the beauty department. It would be quite interesting to see if this is actually accurate. Anyone a Monday's child? Send a pic?

I was just thinking about today. Monday. It really felt like those rainy days and mondays kind of Monday. So what did I do about it? Laterals and heart openers. Broke up my routine. Didn't eat meat. Deleted lots of old emails. Marketing. Started writing a song for a friend.

How do I feel now?

Awesome. Pivotal. Ready.

Mom

A shout out to all the mothers out there. Also a shout out to those who aren't officially mothers. You never know, you might be a mother to someone or something, even if you're just a mother effer.

We all had a mother. It's kind of unifying. So when we think we are so different, remember, we all share that.
I love you mom! Thanks for not throwing me to the wolves, even though it might have been convenient at times.

;)

Regret

As an actor, one thing that I experienced over and over was regret. If only I would have worn the blue top, kept my hair down, worn more/less/ different makeup, read the lines a different way, said hello differently, said goodbye differently, not said goodbye.. Whatever. The list is endless.

So out of the blue, and I do mean the very bluest of blues, my agent ( yes i have one, and you probably didn't know that, that's how long it's been) calls me for an audition for a Woody Allen film! Theeee most relevant and exciting audition of my life to date!

I prepare, feel the feeling, get my wardrobe/makeup/hair together. Moisturize. Leave early. Learn my lines. And in 2 minutes, 3 tops, it's over. Sometimes I leave an audition knowing I nailed it, knowing I left it all in the room - no regrets. This time it felt flat. I was full of regret: if only I would have made different choices. Then I remember how frustrating and disappointing the acting world can be. But wait! Hold the phone! Have I taught myself nothing over the last 50 years??? What is this thing called "regret?"

If everything is perfect in the moment, and I only could do what I do in that moment, why did I have regrets over my audition? Was is because the casting director wasn't jumping for joy saying "you nailed it?" well, yes. And was is that as soon as I left I realized what she was looking for? Yes, definitely. So after I made excuses that were really me criticizing myself for the next 1/2 hour (or more), I re-visited the choices I made. And yes, even though the casting director appeared less than happy, how do I know what was going on in her head in that moment? And yes, my acting choices were, from my point of view, "right." given the scene, and given the way Woody writes and directs, I did in fact nail it the best I could given the circumstances.

Then re-visiting the perfection in the moment concept, it had to be the way it was. The universe would not have sent me a Woody Allen film audition after all this time of me not acting if I wasn't ready for Woody-land. Even though it may not have translated in the audition room, my acting choices were solid. So whether or not this experience was about Woody Allen, my relationship to the acting profession, or whether it was about me understanding another level of regret and how it's just another way to put ourselves down, it doesn't matter. Because its perfect. And so am I, so let the chips fall where they may. And Woody? Call me. Lunch?

Audition

Auditioning is weird. I can't think of another way to put it. Trying to create the present time response of what might happen in the future without it seeming that we are projecting a future response it the moment that we are creating.

Simple

Most of the most profound things are so simple. Tadasana aka mountain pose aka standing on your own two feet. Savasana aka corpse pose aka lying on your back. They say that if you master those poses, you've mastered yoga. And if you've ever really experienced the depth of either one of those poses, you'd know what I'm talking about. The other poses are there to keep us interested until we are ready to let go and be. And to get people to come to class.

Steps to enlightenment

Step by step we go
Many steps in Mexico
Help us get that Mexi-glo
And here they are:

Steps to the jungle studio (153 from my room)
More steps to the jungle studio
Steps from my room to the dining hall
More steps from the dining hall (126)
Steps to the steps to my room
Steps to my room

Step by step we climb
Stepping past the bonds of time
Into realms of the sublime
That lives inside your Self

Haiku - 1am reflection

Dog barf on the bed
Who gets up to clean it up?
Yes, that would be me...

Good excuse to clean up my own mess too. Wash the bedding. Start fresh. Sleep better.

Coming home

Got back from the awesome retreat in mexico on Saturday. Getting away and then coming home gives us the chance to clean our slate. Since our habitual routine has been interrupted, it gives us a head start on breaking patterns, habits, attitudes, etc... Then the practice becomes more about the not doing, then the doing.

Coming home

Got back from the awesome retreat in mexico on Saturday. Getting away and then coming home gives us the chance to clean our slate. Since our habitual routine has been interrupted, it gives us a head start on breaking patterns, habits, attitudes, etc... Then the practice becomes more about the not doing, then the doing.

Buddy system

Your essence is eternal. Get to know it and you'll have a buddy for Life.

Self conscious

When did being self conscious get a bad rap? When did Self conscious go to self conscious?

It probably came from fear that the Self conscious would become more powerful. And rightly so.

Pelicans

Watching pelicans circle them dive for food. They just go for it. Are they having fun? Who knows. They just are doing what they do, unabashedly, shamelessly, because that's who they are. Be the pelican. Because you can.

Lunar practice

We are already whole. Just because we may only be seeing what we see, doesnt mean there isnt more there. Like the crescent moon. We may only see a little fingernail of a moon, but the whole moon still exists regardless of what we see with our physical eyes. As we become more open and aware of what's already there, we have more choices, better options, moving us towards the reality of limitless possibility. And the more we perceive and know that we are more than the crescent moon we thought we were, we begin to remember that others are also whole moons. We might decide that it may be up to us to look beyond what we see. Maybe if we look into the dark night sky, we can remember that we really do have it all. Because we are it all.

Running Deep

SAMSKARAS

Samskaras can run deep. Samskaras are impressions. Everything that has happened to you, around you, with you, has left some sort of impression. The more something happens the deeper the groove. The more impactful something is, the deeper the groove. The more you’ve done something aka, your habits, all samskaras. We mostly think of samskaras as old patterns or old pain that keeps us from getting what we want now. So we hear about yoga and how we can get rid of some of these, and still get our sweat on! Sweet!

Samskaras can run deep.  Even in yoga class. Driven by the feeling that we got when the teacher pulled us up into wheel, or the day when we were perfectly warmed up enough to do revolved bird of paradise, or even the day we touched our toes for the first time. Even remembering that “a few years ago, I could….”  You fill in the blank. Those seemingly “positive” samskaras that we had in yoga class – good for us right? – still pull us out of the present moment. Trying to be who we were, or who we want to be, not who we are,  we try to muscle our way so we can bring the future or the past into the present moment. Yes, that’s when injuries can occur. But not only physical injuries. It’s like going after that starring role when you haven’t even been in the chorus yet. Or applying for a job as a lawyer when you haven’t even been to law school. If your heart was set on either of those outcomes, it can be painful and leave a scar such as “I’m not worthy, I’m ‘not enough, I’ll never succeed, I never get what I want,” and those scars will more than likely affect the outcome of your next audition or job interview.

Lately I’ve been inviting my yoga class to explore the pose in a new way – from where they are in this moment. That takes some doing, because first you have to know where you are. Today. Now. Warts and all. So once we get over that hurdle, the next challenge is to allow yourself to be a beginner again. To learn triangle again, from a different point of view. To experience triangle as the you that you are in that very moment of starting the pose. This requires discipline, willingness to let go of expectations, and deep listening. And not listening to me, the teacher, barking out what you should or should not be feeling, which leg is externally rotated, where your drishti (focus) is, or even how you should be breathing. The listening is between first of all,  you and whatever part of you is speaking the loudest.  If my hamstring is barking, and I listen to what it has to say, and actually listen, not just smile and nod pretending to hear it, but knowing that my brain knows better, I will have a more present moment experience in the pose, which will take me more into the present moment, which takes me to a state of yoga, which is why I’m in the class to begin with.  Other loud voices could be self-criticism, worry, judging self or other around you (“I can’t belive that person came in late and put their mat so close to mine! Doesn’t anyone in here know it’s all about me?”) Well, that voice isn’t really wrong. Just a bit misguided perhaps. Yes, it is all about you/me, but it’s about me and me, not you and me.

Samskaras can run deep. And once we get more time in on feeling closer to the present moment, to One-ness, to non-judgment, the deeper those samskaras will run as well. And right here right now,  for my money, if I’m going to have samskaras anyone, I’d rather they be taking me to One-ness and the present moment, than dragging me down some road I’ve already hoed.  Deep.

Phun Part Too: Is Meditating fun?

MEDITATION – FUN? REALLY?

Fun is a feeling. A feeling that feels so good you never want it to end. Joy, peace, bliss, you name it if you want, but it’s still a feeling, and there probably is no real way to describe it. So we’ll call it “fun” for now, k?

Which is why meditation can be fun. And actually IS fun. So why do people hate mediating? And yes, hate is a strong word, but it is often used in exactly that context “I hate meditating.” What do we really hate, because meditating, when you’re doing it, is fun.

Meditating takes us to that place that feels so good you never want it to end. For free. Anywhere. Anytime. So what’s the holdup?

1)    Physical discomfort

Easily solved. Let go of your idea on how you are supposed to look while meditating. Sit in a comfy chair. Lie down even! Bed-ridden people can meditate without sitting up, so why not un-bedridden people? They say “you’ll fall asleep” and I say, so what? You were meditating before you fell asleep which is more than you would have done to avoid the pain of sitting there, uncomfortable, never getting to the fun part!

2) Not enough time

So let’s just say we are all onboard with the concept of meditating. Why don’t we “make time” for it? On the mat, off the mat. How much time are we making for “fun” in our life not counting meditation? If the answer is “none” or “hardly any” then, once again, we are stuck with looking at ourselves and our choices and why we resist fun.