Reflections on looking in the mirror

When you see yourself

Who do you see

Your ego

Or divinity

What's important to some

May be all well and fine

But the point of your life

Is yours to define

It's a crap shoot out there

Rolling the dice

Bet on the house?

Who's rolling your life?

When I look in the mirror

What do I see

My big S Self

Or who you want me to be?

My ego

Or divinity

Follow your bliss

Do what you love to do! Follow your bliss! Live your passion! Etc Etc!

All those little quips telling us to do what makes us happy. Why? Because, 1) if we do what makes us happy, we will be in a better mood  2) if we make a choice from our own volition that we believe might result in our own happiness, we are less likely to blame someone for the outcome and 3) when we get older, we won't have as many regrets, which will probably make us feel better about ourselves and how we've lived our lives.

So it may not really be about making choices that make us happy. But making choices that make us happy, could result in being happier. Depending on the outcome of those choices of course. And depending on our attachment to "doing what you love" "bliss" and "living your passion."

Or we can get in present moment and see where that takes us. Oh yeah, to the next present moment...

#livinginthenow
#iwaslivinginthenowthen
#iusedtoliveinthenow
#nowi'mliving

Good Old Choices

Our physical life is a product of our choices. What we do or don't eat and drink, or if we exercise, rest, work, play. What we think, what we say. For example, in the big picture, if I do or don't do yoga asana today- what is the effect? For some, it might make the world of difference. For others, it may not be that big of a deal in that moment. For that day. 

The result of our choices that I'm talking about are the ones we see down the line. For some, way down the line. We can really learn from our elders. As my family ages, and yes, I'm in that family too, no matter how many of you still see me as 25, 30, 35, 45... and what is fascinating is how I see the products of choices. Why do some age more "gracefully?" Why do some "rapidly decline?" I'm not an expert in the science and physiology of aging, but what is becoming clear to me is how we are the result of choices we've made. We are the effect of our causes. We might say that we are living karma. 

So, if I don't do yoga, or meditate, or pick my clothes up off the floor. How will this affect me when I'm 20, 30, 40, 50 years older? Hard to say. The body starts to break down. For some, the mind starts to break down. So do the choices we make, help realize our spirit? Self realization perhaps? What is the effect if denial of spirit? 

The nutshell version this comes from my observations after visiting a relative at an independent living facility. The physical and mental grooves and attachments we set up seem to affect our quality of life when we age. So whether or not we do yoga, meditate, study the yoga sutras and understand all the book learning about consciousness and philosophy from a scholarly point of view doesn't seem to matter unless these practices help us make clear, conscious, and Loving (the big L love) choices. The "practices" of yoga may not make that much difference, unless those practices are affecting our attitudes about ourselves and others. Are we more accepting and less judgemental, or are we more dogmatic, holier than thou, and attached to "right living?" 

To me, it boils down to the "real yoga," the daily life activities and choices we make in our interactions with others and with ourselves. Are we being true to ourselves? Are we living in our own integrity? Are we accepting responsibility for our actions and cleaning up own own messes? Are we focused on the faults of others, or are we focused on why those faults derail us from feeling peaceful? Are we afraid to lose our jobs because we might starve to death and suffer? Are we afraid to die? Maybe it's more a matter of being afraid of how we die? 

Choices. We make them every moment. See yourself as 80. How will that action or thought affect me as an 80 year old? Think about it. Then make a choice. 

#notafraidtodie #notafraidtolive #notafraidtochoose #notafraidofmyself

Timing

When your delayed flight lands early, you know time is not always what it seems. Sure, you can "expect the unexpectable," but that sets up expectations and possible attachments/dissappointments. Another option is to allow the unexpected. And get home sooner, relax more, kiss your partner and pet your dog. Or iguana.

Sparkle

July 4. Plenty of fireworks. Sequins. Glitz. Sparkle.

Sri. Sri means resplendence. Resplendence means sparkle. So on the day where fireworks are banned , illegal, and yet displayed anyway, light your own light, your own sparklers, and sparkle. Be the beautiful display of you. Be illegally bright. Be illegally you.

Yes. Be that big. Because that who is who you really are. And even more. So get used to feeling your light, to seeing/being/loving/acknowledging your light. That prepares us to see/be/love even more.

Shine. Sparkle. Sri. Be.

Apologies in advance

When we preface a sentence with "I'm sorry but..." What are we really doing? Are we sorry? And for what? telling the truth? Expressing who we really are? 

I'm not saying there isn't a time or place to apologize. Socially, we need to pull that out time and time again. Also, there are times when we do or say something that is so out of present moment we are just trying to clean up the karmic mess we laid down. But even then, we learned from out "mistake." We learned that what we just said or did was coming from a place outside our big self Self (not that there is a place that is outside of out self, but for purposes of this discourse, it's all I got from a language point of view.) and why should we be sorry for growing? Oh yeah, that's from back in the day where we started finding a way that was a outside of the social and ethical rules laid sown by our parents, where they got scared and tried to scare us straight into their way of thinking. 

So what is an apology except for something that we use to mask who we really are. Stop apologizing for your Self. It's an act of love to be your fullness and express your point of view for that same place of fullness. What is there to be sorry for? It's as if we are apologizing for being born, and hey, our birth wasn't all on us.

So maybe Ali and what's his name got it right. Maybe "love means never having to say you're sorry." When you love yourself.

#lovestory

Good Grief!

Good Grief Charlie Brown!

Grief. A powerful force. Today is the second anniversary of my sister's death, and I feel it. I'm feeling it now. And I'm glad about that. Because grief can be good, because it may be necessary.

Last year, I wrote about how it hit me like a tidal wave, literally knocking my feet out from under me, to the degree that I completely forgot that I was supposed to teach a very important and packed yoga class for my boss! That really woke me up to the power of this force.

This year, I am awake in a different way. I knew that it might happen, so I was prepared to not take certain things personally. And it came. And still amazed me with the power of this state of being. I don't' really know what to call it yet  - emotion, state of being, state of consciousness, deity, devil? Doesn't really matter, but is an interesting idea to ponder at another time.

Present moment grief can provide an opportunity to release past pain. All those tears we stuff. All those emotions we pretend we don't have that can get stored in the body and the mind. Sometimes a big ol' wave of grief can be just the ticket to setting them free, providing them the time and space they need to fulfill their destiny. Providing me time and space to allow that to happen without judgement of them, or even judgement of myself, as I watch snot run out of my nose in front of a class where I'm supposed to look like a "yoga teacher." Well here's a news flash: Yoga Teachers Have Snot, Too

Maybe that will be an article in some high powered magazine someday.

So in the present moment, I still feel the joys and pain of my everyday life as I carry a wave with me until I cry what I need to cry, how I need to cry it, and for the right amount of time. And with each tear, I let go of the pain of childhood teasing, parental criticism, love life disappointments, career choices that went nowhere, etc...  And I'm ok with that. Because this is part of what life looks like sometimes. And on another day, another year, it will be different.

So if you have anniversaries where the wave of grief comes to town, prepare. Set your intention for how you will ride that wave. Will you blame, judge, criticize? Or will you assimilate and eliminate? No right or wrong. I can tell you which one is more fun.

Did I just say grief can be fun? Yes. Because waking up is where it's at, and it's a very loud alarm clock.

Thank you sister of mine for providing me more opportunities to see and experience an even bigger picture. I love you.