I started writing this on Saturday March 14, 2020. I hope this shines a light, affirms a thought, provides a distraction, or is somehow useful.
Things have been moving rapidly, and I’ved updated quite a bit. A lot can happen in 3 days! Two additional follow COVID-19 musings coming. At the end of this email, I will summarize all the schedule changes as of 6pm this evening.
We begin the musings…
A week ago, I looked at my April-October travel schedule, got excited, then overwhelmed. I knew that in order to stay out of the fight, flight or freeze response that overwhelm can bring, I needed to digest my schedule one month at a time.
January-Leap Year
On heels of Jumpstart January, I was inspired, sliding, gliding, creating from my New Now. March blew in and I started to brace a bit. Even though I only had one weekend of travel in March (March 14-15), I felt the looming schedule of the next 6 months. In spite of the fact that everything on my travel schedule were things I wanted to do, there was something that was saying inside "too much." I knew that I had the tools to do it, make it work, even make it fun! Yet, the part of me that has "limitless capacity chops" was also speaking. And it was voicing a bit of resistance to being pressed into service yet again.
This was somwhere in the March 1-11 range. Then the US official position on the corona virus changed from hoax, to acknowledgment, and the cancellations began. Within 3 days, the April I had on the books, the April that was going to have me in the SF Bay area for 22 days, changed. As of today, I'll only be away from home for 3 days. And the March trip, spoiler alert, was cancelled as well. That is when I began to write down those thoughts and ideas that had been rolling around inside.
Aside from some lost mulah due to me not purchasing travel insurance (why would I? These were Commitments! I was going! No matter what! And I booked way in advance, before there was even a whisper of COVID-19. Like most, I didn't plan for this, nor insure myself), I started to feel relieved. Relieved! I had "an excuse" to stay home, and even stay in, and not socialize, or attend functions, or anything! In fact, much of society would see me as "socially responsible" for doing so!
So I started thinking...
Things I observed:
This is a global issue.
Sometimes crisis brings out the best in people.
Sometimes it doesn't.
Both sides are happening.
Regardless of how people are responding, this is a global issue.
I kept coming back to "global issue." And unlike the looming issue of climate change, which I believe is happening, but its effects have yet come to a crisis level enough to force a disruption of people’s habits, values, or choices, this virus is presenting itself right here right now. It is literally in our faces.
My personal observations and what have I been wanting, for a few years now, that I haven't really created for myself:
More introvert time.
More "egg" time.
More Human Being time and less Human Doing time.
Because it's never outside of myself - Bringing together global and personal - in other words - did I create the Corona Virus???
What if my unwillingness or inability to make different choices for myself contributed to the creation of the corona virus? What if my essence was shouting at me to take the “egg time*,” to “do less, be more,” and I just kept putting it off. And what if, somewhere inside of me, there was a Divine Timing that I refused to acknowledge, which resulted in me saying things like, “I’ll slow down sometime soon.” Yes, I made some changes, but not to the degree that I knew I wanted.
But wait, there’s more!
What if I wasn't alone in those wants? What if others were also wanting to slow down, take stock, to do less and be more? To make different choices? What if others were needing some sort of "legitimate excuse" or reason to not go out, to work from home, to say no to social activities that had become obligations? And what if this desire, this want of more "Be" time (some might even call it "me" time) was brewing, bubbling, possibly festering as a Deep Desire that kept getting pushed aside or back burnered, or ignored because "how can I just stop what I'm doing?" “I have important responsibilities!” “If I don't keep going, and everyone else keeps going, I'll be behind!" "I won't be able to prove that I'm worthy to be here." "I won't produce and if I don't produce, my world will end." "I won't be able to survive unless I keep going and doing what I've been doing." "I don't have the luxury of making a different choice."
Enter COVID-19.
Maybe the "luxury" piece got taken off the table. And now like it or not, perhpas what was a luxury has now become a necessity, from the global point of view. For the good of the Whole. And yes, we all have our own version of the personal piece, and yours may be very different from mine. But how does your personal piece dance with the global consideration?
Then I thought about how much more spacious I feel about my April schedule, not having to physically attend things. I feel like I have more time and space to be more in the Present Moment and make more Present Moment choices. I have less mind clutter around juggling and planning and "making it work." "Making it work" is a good set of chops to have, but it takes a lot of energy. What if I didn't need to keep "making it work?" Well, for me, I’m enjoying the breathing room and the time and space. I felt a bit of relief.
So I started wondering if other people, even thought they may not be voicing it, might be feeling some relief for cancellations, format changes (#doitdifferently). Are we afraid to be grateful for the upside of the Corona Virus? Maybe the Corona Virus was created by a collective conscious or unconscious desire to explore the idea of “Humans Being” to balance the years and years and years of “Humans Doing?” Maybe our Essence, our "Corona" (the glow around the egg that signals that it's the one ready to become a physical manifestation of our consciousness) may be providing an opportunity for us to get in touch with what our consciousness really needs and wants. Maybe we just got tired of the hum, the buzz, the hamster wheel. Maybe we needed, wanted, and created a break from the routine, if only to assess and see what was working, what wasn't and then use that information to make more present and informed choices for your New Now.
So when I started this on Saturday, I was at home instead of in Detroit. I'm taking time to write, reflect, and feel the spaciousness of my new schedule. I know things are still in flux, and for now, I will continue to adjust as I ponder.
My current questions are -
How much do I self-quarantine?
What is my comfort zone? I'm healthy, I don't fear getting the virus, but what if I'm a carrier?
What feels socially responsible?
What lessons can I apply to my life after the “pandemic,” aka “wake up call” is over? Am I willing to be changed? Am I willing to “doitdifferently?”
I don't have answers. I love the questions. And I trust the Wholeness and the perfection of the situation. Yes, I'm a silver lining kind of person. I'm OK with that. It's not based in sugar coating, it's based in my life experience of learning from other types of "viruses" over my years on the planet.
But today, I continue to serve the Wholeness as best I can, flow non-judgementally with the changes, and bask in some time and space as I continue to explore myself as a Human Being.
*defined and explained in the forthcoming post “Egg, Sperm, and the Coronavirus”
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