Advance to Retreat

In a world where the idea of “Advance! Advance! Advance!” is highly valued, it can be hard to justify the idea of Retreat. In many scenarios, retreat means defeat. But this programming may no longer be serving us, and it is clearly not in service of our Wholeness and Balanced Life. In our rapidly changing and tumultuous times, it is important to ask the question, “how can I recognize both masculine and feminine energies in myself and use them in a more balanced way?”

Part of the inspiration for our upcoming “Yoga for Your Heart” Bali Retreat, came from the lush Balinese land. We felt our own hearts melt as we gazed upon the beauty and asked, “What does Bali have to share with us?” We felt a strong presence of the Divine Feminine energy. Her voice, the voice of the Mother. This voice, that comes through both men and women, is a voice of nourishment, of receptivity, of listening, of waiting, of reflecting. Of Retreating. And not just because its on your “to do” list.

As a High Type A, I grew up in a family where productivity was valued and rewarded. The masculine energy was valued over the feminine. (I grew up in a family of only women, so this had nothing do with gender.) Taking breaks or time to reflect was not valued.  In fact, taking a break implied “lazy,” “unproductive,” “weak” and “less than.” I worked myself into the ground which took a toll on my health, my attitude, and my relationships. I knew there had to be another way to be in the world.

I started to ask myself, “what would happen if I did less?”  News flash. The sun came up the next day. And by “retreating,” I gave others a chance to shine. Over the years, I became more fully committed to finding ways to lead with my Divine Feminine instead of only my Divine Masculine. I felt my heart soften. I felt my creativity increase. I felt the need to do, to fix, to change diminsh. I started to re-prioritize my health, healing, and well-being, which fed every single area of my life. I began to feel a balance in my life. 

I have never once regretted going on a retreat. Retreating is a conscious carving out of time to step off of your current hamster wheel and see the world of your life through a different lens. Retreats give us an opportunity to nourish ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. During a retreat, we give ourselves the time and opportunity to digest life lessons so that we can assimilate these “nutrients” and enhance or make changes in areas of our life that need nuturing, re-evaluation, or attention. 

As we experience and embrace the softening that is more accessible during a retreat, we begin to organically build an inner strength and confidence. We are less concerned with what others think of our choices and decisions. We “retreat” inward, listening to our own inner voice of Truth. We begin to feel more comfortable with receptivity and listening. Divine Feminine. And there is a huge power in listening without needing to immediatlly act on that information. 

As we emerge from this receptive place of retreat, we are fully charged and focussed. We don’t need to mindlessly spin our energy around, “showing” others how hard we are working, and thus, how deserving we are of accolades and attention. Instead, we efficiently choose where to put our energy.  And at the end of the day, we have some left over to enjoy a time of retreat, either by our selves, with loved ones, in nature, or something else. “Retreat” is no longer  a “crash and burn” response to constantly “advancing.” “Retreat” is now part of a balanced life. We can now move from a place of balance and choice as we understand both Feminine and Masculine energies inside of us. We can both Advance and Retreat. 

Join Jean Mazzei and Brenna Geehan this October and discover more about your Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine in Yoga For Your Heart in Bali.

Just because I'm good at it...

As I am now less than a month away from changing decades, I thought to myself as I got up this morning, July 4, what does it mean for me to be free? What do I want to be free from? What keeps me in prison? And although there are many answers and levels to those questions, the answer of the moment was around self-imposed oblilgation. 

One of the richest realizations that I had recieved a few months before we went to India, was that “just because I’m good at something, doesn’t mean I want to do it.” And as I applied this teaching to myself, I started seeing all the ways that I would feel obligated to do X, Y, Z just because I was good at it, and hey, "if you want something done right, do it yourself! "

Wow! Living from that place was a breeding ground for resentment, and let’s just say I popped out a few litters! I dove deeper into this idea, and began to gain awareness on how subtly and not so subtly this self imposed “obligation” was a bully, a tyrant, in the country of Jean. I had to let go of the need to having it “done right.”  Also the need of having it done “on time.” Also the need of having it done at all! I had to grow a big set of Patience and allow others to learn what was “easy” for me. I had to watch them not get it right all the time. And not get it done. And I had to learn how to communicate with them through the process. All this took a lot more time and energy than if I had just done it myself. 

Or did it?

What was the price I paid for always doing something just because I was good at it? Did these things come “naturally” or had I just had more time in on the project? And was it “easy” for me? Execution may have been easy, but living in the resentment/disappointment pond was NOT!  Living in the past and future was NOT! Feeling exhausted at the end of the day because I had put all these self-imposed obligations created in the past in front of living in my New Now in the present was NOT EASY! 

As I backed away and said NO to doing the things that were “easy” for me, things that I had a habit of doing "just because," I had to back away from resentment, disappointment and stress. And when these have had your back for awhile, it can feel kind of weird to not have them holding you up. But just like a butterfly emerges from self-created confinement, drying new wings in the sun can feel pretty great. Also, as those wings are drying, pre-flight, it’s a nice feeling to not know what’s coming next. I don’t have to be good at something to want to experience it. I don’t have to get good at something to enjoy it. I don’t have to get good at something and then be stuck doing it the rest of my life. 

So one of the things I’m freeing myself from is the self-imposed obligation of having to do things just because I’m good at them. At one time, doing some of those things felt good. It gave me a sense of peace and accomplishment. It gave me a container to grow and evolve. It gave me a sense of who I was. But that's who I WAS. And look in the mirror. It's a different face now. 

Freedom for me means choice. Choosing the what’s right for me. And being OK with not knowing what that is. Freedom to discover my Self in the present moment after all these years. Being OK with where I am, right here, right now. In other words, loving myself, just as I am, without condition. That’s freedom.

Freedom Fighter

What does it mean to be a “freedom fighter?” What does it mean to “gain independence?” Do we even want independence? Maybe we want connection?

So what does it mean to be a “Freedom Fighter?” Being a freedom fighter means someone who will fight for freedom. For me, it’s not about bullying someone or some situation into submission. It’s not about showing power. It’s not about proving worth. It’s about “fighting” or overriding habits, constructs, attachments. Acknowledging that at one time, these habits, attachments, constructs were supports to that provided a “safe container”  for us to grow and evolve. And over time, like clothes, we outgrow them. The "safe container" can become a "prison."

When we feel locked inside a tyrannical container, whether it be our country’s pre-July 4, 1776 container, or the container we created for ourselves, it’s time to do what it takes to break free. Does it mean destroying the cocoon, or finding a way out of it so we can both exist? Does it mean preaching or beating someone into submission until they see you as the one who “Knows” or has “Power?”  Is my freedom based on someone else’s submission to my needs/wants/truth? 

I think Freedom is knowing yourself well enough to take responsibility for one’s choices, emotions, health, thoughts, actions, non-actions. And the freer I am, the freer we all can be, because my freedom is no longer contingent on the behavior or beliefs of someone else. And that is worth fighting for. And figuring out what it means to “fight.” As we move towards more equality and equanimity, we may still “fight” our way out of our prisons, but in the process, we will find that in order to truly be free, we may need to re-frame what it means to “fight” and understand that we are really only ever fighting ourselves. As Dennis Adams says, “It’s never outside of yourself.” And as hard as that can be to swallow or even grok, it applies. And what I’m really fighting is my own resistance to change. My own attachments. My need to have life “just so.” 

Being a freedom fighter means I am willing to see more choices. I am willing to choose another route. I am willing to wait. I am willing to act. I am willing to embrace or walk away. I am willing to say yes or no. I am willing to not know. I am willing to evolve independently of others, yet alongside of others. For me, freedom is being able to evolve myself as you evolve yourself. And one of the gifts of this freedom is that we can witness each other's evolution and learn from each other. 

Independence Day. Connection Day. Freedom is having both at the same time.