Apologies in advance

When we preface a sentence with "I'm sorry but..." What are we really doing? Are we sorry? And for what? telling the truth? Expressing who we really are? 

I'm not saying there isn't a time or place to apologize. Socially, we need to pull that out time and time again. Also, there are times when we do or say something that is so out of present moment we are just trying to clean up the karmic mess we laid down. But even then, we learned from out "mistake." We learned that what we just said or did was coming from a place outside our big self Self (not that there is a place that is outside of out self, but for purposes of this discourse, it's all I got from a language point of view.) and why should we be sorry for growing? Oh yeah, that's from back in the day where we started finding a way that was a outside of the social and ethical rules laid sown by our parents, where they got scared and tried to scare us straight into their way of thinking. 

So what is an apology except for something that we use to mask who we really are. Stop apologizing for your Self. It's an act of love to be your fullness and express your point of view for that same place of fullness. What is there to be sorry for? It's as if we are apologizing for being born, and hey, our birth wasn't all on us.

So maybe Ali and what's his name got it right. Maybe "love means never having to say you're sorry." When you love yourself.

#lovestory

Good Grief!

Good Grief Charlie Brown!

Grief. A powerful force. Today is the second anniversary of my sister's death, and I feel it. I'm feeling it now. And I'm glad about that. Because grief can be good, because it may be necessary.

Last year, I wrote about how it hit me like a tidal wave, literally knocking my feet out from under me, to the degree that I completely forgot that I was supposed to teach a very important and packed yoga class for my boss! That really woke me up to the power of this force.

This year, I am awake in a different way. I knew that it might happen, so I was prepared to not take certain things personally. And it came. And still amazed me with the power of this state of being. I don't' really know what to call it yet  - emotion, state of being, state of consciousness, deity, devil? Doesn't really matter, but is an interesting idea to ponder at another time.

Present moment grief can provide an opportunity to release past pain. All those tears we stuff. All those emotions we pretend we don't have that can get stored in the body and the mind. Sometimes a big ol' wave of grief can be just the ticket to setting them free, providing them the time and space they need to fulfill their destiny. Providing me time and space to allow that to happen without judgement of them, or even judgement of myself, as I watch snot run out of my nose in front of a class where I'm supposed to look like a "yoga teacher." Well here's a news flash: Yoga Teachers Have Snot, Too

Maybe that will be an article in some high powered magazine someday.

So in the present moment, I still feel the joys and pain of my everyday life as I carry a wave with me until I cry what I need to cry, how I need to cry it, and for the right amount of time. And with each tear, I let go of the pain of childhood teasing, parental criticism, love life disappointments, career choices that went nowhere, etc...  And I'm ok with that. Because this is part of what life looks like sometimes. And on another day, another year, it will be different.

So if you have anniversaries where the wave of grief comes to town, prepare. Set your intention for how you will ride that wave. Will you blame, judge, criticize? Or will you assimilate and eliminate? No right or wrong. I can tell you which one is more fun.

Did I just say grief can be fun? Yes. Because waking up is where it's at, and it's a very loud alarm clock.

Thank you sister of mine for providing me more opportunities to see and experience an even bigger picture. I love you.